k like the title says am going to make a DEEP rap about me and how i feel about shit its goign to be to a 6.20 min long song so i have been owrking lots on this so i have like 3 pags but i liseted the thing in 1 , 2, 3, ect so PLEAZE SAY WAT CERTAIN PARTS UI HATE AND LOVE

PART 1!!!!!

I cant despecribe myself to u in 3 *pages* but love i haven’t felt in ~ages~ year by year i waste away in ~stages~ take the knife and stop writing on ~pages~ I don’t expect you to feel ~me~ but now i relize its ~funny~ am no one but every one feeling the can ~relate~ but for me is it to ~late?~ ill tally my life on this peaice of ~slate~ an whip it with tears of ~fate~

PART 2!!!!!!!


I work on this song for days on ~end~ to tell you my life from begin to ~end~
But I edit it cuz we want to hide pass ~lies~
Hide them so deep only way u can feel me is till I ~die~
Death is a sure way of knowing when your pass and gone//
But I have been dead let me count back for how long//
My souls breaking down just listen to the words of this song//

PART 3 !!!!!!!

I got this burning passion with in//
Playing cords but only with this pen//
Only the deepest emotions can be seen with in//

PART 4!!!!!


Look at the months u ~may~ the months you ~pay~ look at the words you got to ~say~ cuz Answers seem to be far ~away~ waking up thinking what will happing ~today~ am never sure what to ~say~ so I ~pray~ that my heart will follow the ~way~ cause in the darkest mist all I see is you in the hall ~way~ am not broking ~down~ just un ~found ~ l


PART 5 !!!!


But its funny how we got money for ~war~ but nothing left for da ~poor~ leaves my heart heavy and ~sore~ this anger am ~bore~ because its cool to hate but not ~love~ be praying on this last ~dove~ but all I hear is the anger of my rich ~cuz~ tryign to bring me down like this haters ~duz~

PART 6 !!!!!!!

now am ~curious ~ life’s got me looking for Jesus//
cant you all see this? Cant you all just believe this?//
But I cant get read of this anger// no stranger to this thugs love danger//
A daughter a father a mother, a brother// but to you am just stranger like da others//
Am told to look for hope so I do// but I cant help but be drag down by the people around too//
Praying for something am now start to question if this life true//
the pressure of this world can leave yah broking down//
But along as I have a voice you will hear my sound//
As long as I got a view you’ll see me around//
Because am changing where am standing this ground//


PART 7

Looking for heaven in this darkest ally ways//
Holding this cross only a rock but still i ~pray~
On this day I vow to look just one way//
Now I look down at this paper drop drop//
Tears flowing down but cant stop//
Cause this pen is the only way to exhale//
But am a alive still cant you haters feel?
That you will never change until //





My be fucking long but this is for real and this songs going to be for real so dont judge on structure and colpmex and all that shit cause am going to drop aiduo * which am a noob noob at* but please how it means to you.


~Plez till me if u think it sucks or is good i want to know and please no player hating cuz this is deep shit~

PEACE

plez ppl upping * plez tell me what u think and if u rate drop a link to a spit or poem and ill rate yours

~PEACE~

come one am going to need feed back for this song :S

u guy properly wont read this or give a fuck but

PLEASE RATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* but w/e am gaing more free psoting by contune putting this up

U need a lot of work on ur rhyming..try to incorporate more complex rhymes and words/ vocabulary...

try to stay away from rhyming the same word twice in a row unless it is done for effect...not just cus u have nothing else to rhyme it with...use spell check and orgainze ur work into lines...also u don't need to show us what words rhyme, we are all smart enough to figure that out by ourselves...

keep truckin' mate..

cheers

lol ohky thanks for checking but am going to drop it aiduo so itll be different

~PEACE~

well than ill wait till its an audio and then critique it

^^ohky sure but am a fucking noob at aiduo but ill drop it when it gets done then

~PEACE~

PLEASE EVULATE THO STILL UPPING
~
peace~

If i were you I'd work on getting good first before i worried about being deep.

i don't mean to be mean, but i've seen too many amazing things and terrible things to care about your shitty rap. so far it sucks. the concept is beyond me because i don't think you have one. the 3rd part shows potential in thought. but it wouldn't hurt to cut that part too.

thanks for wasting my time by posting your shit in the wrong forum.

peace

p.s. stop uppin' people aren't responding cause they don't want to hurt your feelintgs.

__________________
I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

WOW IM SPEECHLESS
IT WAS LONG SO I REALLY TOOK A WHILE TO READ IT BUT ITS GOOD
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