http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219718
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219884

check it foolz cus here we go again.....


i need a pen and pad when i feel lonely and mad.
so i can lock them away, and keep them hidin from dad.
this dude got me frustrated, i feel he is out dated.
he knows he is hated, i really dont know why he was created.
since my mom moved out, ive been alone and about.
livin with this fool got me wanting to shout.
altought deep down inside. i feel like suicide.
i know he loves me, and i dont want to die.
so i keep moving on, just singing my song.
trying so hard to try and get along.
he brings over his girls and its like the end of the world.
he trys to replace mom, and he send me in swirls.
whats wrong with my life, i dont want a nu mom.
everything he does just seems so wrong.
he wont leave me alone, and he just pushes me down.
some how i feel i wasnt made by this clown.
but i keep going on, singing my song.
knowing one day he will be gone.
i bang my head on the wall. and pick myself up when i fall.
he beats me sometimes but i dont have the ballz.
to show him wut i am, and to kick his ass.
so i prey to jesus every sunday at mass.
hoping to go home one day and see him gone.
god that would b a happy day for me to sing my song.
when the coast is clear. and the sky is blue.
the clouds will b gone and the beatings are through.
but until that day comes, i can only wonder.
if god will save me from the lighting and thunder.

S to the Z.

yo dawg the story is to touching to comment on especially if its true real sad on dad behalf

alright ppl, leave some fucking feed when u check this out. cus its pissing me off!!!

come on ppl, love it or hate it.
just write some statement.
just write somethin bout this piece i created.
dont leave it hanging i need to know.
how much it will expand and how much can it grow

in other words, leave some damn feed ppl.
weather u like it or not

hey i read this the oher nite but my pc was bein retarded...so i couldnt post my reply...n e watys its a simple rhyme but i feel ya cuz my dad was abusive 2 i hated him for years and 2 a point still do...because of him i never saw my graduation from high school or senior prom...i was locked up between juvenile shelters,juvenile halls, and group homes my last 2-3 years of high school...he made my judge believei was just a piece of shit menace 2 society and actually the judge was close 2 sending me 2 county up the street from the juvenile shelter,hall,and group home i stayed at cuz he thought there was no hope for me n i was jus a true criminal from wut my dad described....in sum cases i was but wit good cause and reason's behind shit...but keep postin homie n keep ya head up peace

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my new shit peep

thankz, really makes me feel good coming from another person in my situation. altought i never been in a shelter or home. but in situations like this i turn to my only 2 saviors. music and jesus.
keep ur head up and keep rollin hommie

S to the Z

uppin this old piece... leave feed damn it

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

uppin............

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

i member this piece. good work with ur emotion... and im pretty much sorry that both our dads suck nutts. like i always say fuck them when u got me. keep yea head up kidd. dont front bout it. u still got the true family and the PBO so dont worry cus we got ur back.
--- u know where to find me---

good shit fam i felt the emotions fo real fam

Man this was a pretty sick drop. You've gotta lotta potential if yo keep practicing and shit. You have your fundamentals down, like your flow is ok, vocab is ok, the way you choose your words is alright and all that... could be better, but that comes by practicing. What really stood out was your ability to convey emotion effectively. It seems you really felt strongly about what you were writing about and that emotion rubs off into the readers. Word.

Edit: by the way, could you rtf with some quick feed on this drop?

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227338

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Bro. I didn't mind this aye it was pretty tight and well directed. I dont know what ur complaining about tho my dad's a fuckn junk head and after he shoots up smack he hides his dirty, needles in the corn flakes box so my lil bro can get jabbed when he goes to get breakfast. You should look at the bright side of life.

Stay up.

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word kidd. thankz for the feed and uppin...

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

well. first off, i'm glad to read something to where as i can relate and imagine rather than reading how you sport 9's that ain't made as shoes and how you're "so hood". Props. i thought this was a good emotional piece. you had abuse, abandonment, anger, imagery, and some others.

flow - i read it aloud, spit it perfect.
multies - scarce, didn't see too many
metaphors/similes - a few basic ones, but you still had'em
rhyme sheme - very basic

overall - this was good because you spit from an experience in which it's hard to cope/deal with without the right support and it was original. definitely gonna keep an eye for more...

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