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Old 11-13-06, 09:58 AM   #1
Riccard
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I dont know..... (<- Tha Title)

IP: 9FDA A41D

I don't know what to write anymore
The words have been torn from my throat
Ripped off my tongue
Snatched from my breath

My chest feels heavy
I know it's my fault
I can't hold a load 10x my weight
And this load seems worse than ever

God created man
Man created fire
Fire burned man
I'm still burning

I can order a meal
I can order furniture
I can order anything
But I can't get my life in order

Where to I place the blame?
I wish I could place it on the ground
Leave it alone
Walk away

I don't point fingers
There's no one to point fingers at
When no one did anything wrong to me
I'm at fault

I can't say sorry
How can I?
I've said it enough
I've said it too much

Can I beg for forgiveness?
Would forgiveness beg for me?
No, forgiveness would leave me
I'm on my own

Travel the path a thousand feet have travelled
Fight through pain a thousand souls have fought
Is this the last thing I write?
I write not knowing if what I'm doing is right......

LEAVE SOME FEED!!!

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LINX:

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http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3106444
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Old 11-13-06, 06:09 PM   #2
Elementality
 
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i enjoyed the authenticity of your poem because your thougts are filtered through your writing as real emotion. Even though there isn't alot of it, the imagery is tight. Your diction is good, and your flow is nice too. All-in-All,
I thought your poem was epic.
Keep it up.
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Old 11-13-06, 10:45 PM   #3
Riccard
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thanks man, preciated....

bump**
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Old 11-14-06, 01:10 PM   #4
HBfLiPZ
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I enjoyed this read, too. I felt the emotion you were trying to send out. It has me wanting more after every line. Overall, this is a nice piece. Keep at it.
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Old 11-14-06, 03:20 PM   #5
Riccard
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*truth*

thanks... ill post more as i write it
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Old 12-03-06, 11:25 PM   #6
Ms New Booty
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Good emotion in this. Wasn't feeling much of anything else from this piece, saw a little diction in this. Which was awesome. Overall 7/10
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