|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-25-06, 12:29 PM
|
#1
|
||||
|
Flyweight
|
Lazy River
IP: 3F7E F4D7
The river rats race
Under the sewer grates It's a different kind of place At a whole 'nother pace in town They head above the ground And set their feet upon the street They take a look around While the lights are goin' down, they sleep While the lights are goin' down, they sleep They head out to the city Where the weather's always shitty It's really quite a pity When the city's always burnin' down And the river rat's burnin' out The river rat's burnin' out He takes a trip back to the banks To forget about the ranks The fireflies play pranks And the snake thinks the forest's burnin' down Out on the lazy river The snakes are always burnin' out
__________________
get attached to a rolling stone and you're libel to get crushed.. |
||||
|
|
12-03-06, 03:59 AM
|
#2
|
||||||
|
Whys That?
|
IP: 8B62 BDCA
not felt. Felt very kindergarden to me. Even though its a poem and rhyme dont matter, the fact you rhymed fucking simple made it seem weak, if ya gonna rhyme do it properly.
The metaphorical element is blah. |
||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
