"Tasha, I love you," he said, as tears trickeled down his face
"But love doesn't change your actions, or this time and place.
You've hit your dead end, our relationship definitely stops here"
Emotion filled the room as this woman cried out with fear
His hand was quivering as he carefully tried to steady his gun
"I love you so much baby but it can only be all or none."

[Earlier that evening]

(thinking inside his head)
My girl will really love me when I suprise her with these gifts
Tell her that she's beautiful and give her forehead a kiss
Just a couple minutes more and I'll be arriving at our house
Hopefully I'll catch her off guard, I'll have to be quiet as a mouse
She's the only one who makes me realize, love's an amazing thing
And soon we'll be in perfect unison forever, symbolized by this ring

[Pulls up to the house, sneaks inside to suprise his wife but hears noises]

"Oh god Jeff I love it when we finally get some time alone
But we need to finish up because soon my husband will be home
It's so hard to stop though, my whole body's consumed with lust
Give me just a few more days and I promise I'll tell him about us"
[Bobby hits the door open wide]
"No need to wait you backstabbing whore because I already know
The girl I dedicated my entire life to, is sneaking around like a hoe
With my best friend Jeff nontheless? There's no room for forgiving
Any words to say Jeff, because these are your last moments of living"
"Please don't do this! I never meant you any harm, were best friends"
A gunshot rang out and Bobby said "This is where it has to end."

[Bobby points the gun toward Tasha]

"Tasha how could you be so damn cold and shatter my heart?
You may as well of just buried me and scattered all the parts
We belonged to each other you were my one and only lover
Until I walked through the door and found you in the arms of another"
"Tasha I love you," he said, as tears trickeled down his face
But love doesn't change your actions, or this time and place.........

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<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

Interesting take on this concept. The cheating thing has been done to pieces, but you took a good way at looking at it. Your vocab was strong for the most part. Your flow fell of in the middle a bit. But you quickly fixed that, I like how you did a before and after effect that kept me interested. Overall this was a real good piece you just have a few things you could fix, but keep on writing you will realize this and reach your full potential.

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thanks for the feedback, much appreciated

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<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

I thought it was ill. I mean I kinda felt it myself. I wish you would've told the bitch he got her a ring though to make her feel worse about it before ya off them both. Naw im trippin but I like it it wasn't much I could really say was wrong with it.

thiz was hot nice flow n good vocab much respect i really liked the concept 1

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~~Evil Thoughtz~~

~~Free Agent~~

~~39W/3L/24Ko~~