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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-13-04, 12:03 PM
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#1
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Eddy.
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Story's of A broken pen
IP: 77D5 6AAD
A broken pen, captures & writes down what a normal pen would rather leave behind..
As the warm water slided pass the fragile body the baby's smile increased.. yet the attention from mother, was poor & shoddy And yes she handled her baby delicate, and refined but the need for crack was strong, in that back-corner of her mind And she couldnt resist 'even' small ammounts of any distraction distracted her mind drawn away in a small fraction even a bird, or street sounds.. outside could draw her attention away she was unable to organize her thoughts and devide ending up in a collision of handlings equal to disturbed Trowing her into a state of agitated confusions with actions uncontrolled and a perturbed With this carrousel of memories and pictures, spinning thru her mind.. Help was offerd, but fo her its hard accepting, stricture of any kind Her state of mind was dark..w/ inner tears.. yet due the actions with her hands that she perform resulting the baby smiling to her, feeling all happy, comfortable & warm As she looked into her childs eyes her mind flooded from dark thoughts and her previous state went into disguise theres a little smile turning upon her face but still her previous state was not that easy to replace & erase Cause the phone went and she didnt know what to do her mind filled up w/ decisions 'phone can wait, if its important it rings again in a few' But what if its not? maybe its a crucial call..& needs answered right away i need to answer now! the way i live i cant suffer from any kind of delay So she putted a towl into the tub, hoping the baby wont slip.. ran to the phone picked it up, but unfortuantly the baby did!.. Hello..whos there? were her words, when at the same time the baby struggled against the flooding water, yet he was weak to resist & it did hurt.. so much and his small ammount off brainactivity started to reduce Like the level of the conversation, did at the phone they both gave in to screaming, as they were seduced.. The babys father was on the phone, wanted to see his kid but she didnt want any thing to do with that! so he treathend her to come over, pick up his son and split.. Not even knowing in what critical condition his baby was now But as the water continued to fill up..and herded up in his tiny lungs mother was in a fight .. on the phone speaking to the baby's father.. with ruined tongues i guess u can call it ironic, and it sure does my eyebrowns frown that the creators, of something beautifull.. arguing over stupid things! letting there creation drown.. I guess you cant always forsee whats going to happen and whats to come and u cant say what if i did this, what would have happen then.. but i think u always will read and be intrigued by story's story's writtin with a broken pen.
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02-13-04, 12:13 PM
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#2
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Mona Lisa.
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IP: 9E53 07A2
wow..Ya updated me w/ small parts before it was finished
but the finished article was one of the most heart felt pieces I've read here. Your detail N thougfht into the mothers state of mind was amazing! you really delved into her mind. & like i said i knew summit bad was gonna happen b/coz both parents love conflicted for their child they were taught a harsh lesson. To actually put the child first & not themselves. This was Lump in the throat material and ya deserve good apraisels for this. I'd like to see stories of a broken pen become a series of well thought out pieces. Mad props on this & keep spittin Ill drops..pz
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"Woop Woop, its the sound of da police"
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02-13-04, 12:14 PM
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#3
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
Eddy...I thought this was exceptional.....This could and should be considered a Legendary material..but as you know..my voice is never heard so....
..M!sf!ts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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02-13-04, 12:54 PM
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#4
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The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
Damn Eddy .. this piece was deep and real as shit man .. Such a touching story .. Imagery in this piece was beautiful man .. And the writing of it seemed well planned out and ended up highly dope .. Was a fucced up and crazy story .. But really believable in the same way .. Mad props on this .. One part of this really drew me in man .. Let alone .. The very first line about the pen drew me in .. But this part here ..
Cause the phone went and she didnt know what to do her mind filled up w/ decisions 'phone can wait, if its important it rings again in a few' But what if its not? maybe its a crucial call..& needs answered right away i need to answer now! the way i live i cant suffer from any kind of delay So she putted a towl into the tub, hoping the baby wont slip.. ran to the phone picked it up, but unfortuantly the baby did!.. That part set up your endin' so dopely man .. This piece really hit home deeply man .. A dope story .. Very sick piece all around .. Keep writin' man .. One |
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02-13-04, 06:45 PM
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#5
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New to RB
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IP: 7027 07E3
Nice drop good story good imagery i like all the way thru even tho it was long i wanted to stop but parts caught my attention so i read it all .
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02-14-04, 12:46 PM
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#6
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Ok thnx o.O
Uppppppppper.
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02-14-04, 01:38 PM
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#7
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wanna play doctor????????
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IP: E21C 9312
this piece was strong in imagry and very deep...a nice reed Ed ...didn't overflow it with vocab but this was still a very content n complex piece...flow was onpoint n basic which isn't bad at all
again.. nice piece ed |
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02-15-04, 10:25 AM
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#8
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Straight Savage.
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IP: 8BEC CACE
Very dopeness Eddy...This was veeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyy dope. I say, your style just caters to me in the right way, because I find nothing ever bad with your pieces, just not strong enough in writers voice at times. This is where you just came out strong, and just really appealed to me more. coolio
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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
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02-15-04, 10:41 AM
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#9
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Flyweight
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IP: 9B04 91FE
i didnt actually like it, but nice drop
that shit bored me to death i can see the realness and what u were tryin to do.... "I guess you cant always forsee whats going to happen and whats to come and u cant say what if i did this, what would have happen then.. but i think u always will read and be intrigued by story's story's writtin with a broken pen." thats the only part i didnt hate
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 GangGreen "It aint all about economy///So the fact that all these wack MC's is makin G's dont bother me///Honestly, my number one policy is quality"
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02-15-04, 10:56 AM
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#10
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
^If u dont have ne thing usefull to say -stfu
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02-15-04, 11:01 AM
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#11
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Flyweight
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IP: 9B04 91FE
im just giving my honest opinion
unbiased realisitc untainted feedback dont get mad you cant elevate with nothing but but positive feed...negatives are just important
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GangGreen "It aint all about economy///So the fact that all these wack MC's is makin G's dont bother me///Honestly, my number one policy is quality"
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02-15-04, 11:04 AM
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#12
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
I dont need elevations from kids with // in their sigs, so again.. if u dont have any thing usefull to say.. stfu.
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as his sweat pounded the ground and left burnt black marks on the path as he walked towards me with crimson-like skin and universal black horns and as he reached for my lifeless corpse a black-robed figure that was hard to discern whispered to me "Your days are numbered".
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