I just wrote this real simple peice but let me know what ya'll think

This may be the last time I ever write
Sitting here in this dark, wet room starting to feel the cold bite
My only thoughts are of my troubled past, how much longer will my life last
As I sit here contemplating death, my minds made up I take my last breath
Lift the gun and put it to my head, this is the moment I thought I would dread
But instead it comes as a relief, only 16 my life was brief
Why is it no-one cares, will anybody shed a tear

if u shot urself, how did u finish the poem?

damn..u a tricky mo fucka

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...612#post3187612
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...613#post3187613

It's nice cuz, but needs more emotion.....

same what he says i got tha same problem
but keep writin an you will get it soock up all tha advice you can get

pretty much, emotion and imagery is what u need for poetry. and actual meaning.

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

thanks keep the advice comin