by: r0gue.

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My name's Dale, n I'm in jail..week in week out, no mail, n I'm still pale..
..blindly searching for success with a ego thats telling me to go fail..
n I'm broke with no money..no bail, same ol' food..bland..its so stale.
.my body wither's..its rotten, low visibilty..Im weak n my bloods clottin..
'Shoulda never shot him,..appears a life sentence is all I'll ever accomplish,.
.I'm a liar, but I'm modest..how could this be it?.."dig here!",or.."wash this!".
N' my daughter's innocent picture is all that drives me..my little goddess.,
..now baby close your eye's, you don't need to watch this,..
I still have doubt..Im asking!?..begging..questioning where god is!..
.but the devil's made it apparent what my job is..unveiling what the plott is..
..he's been schemin'..desring to be a angel..but I'm descending to a demon.
'I've realized I'm worthless..once blind but now I'm aware of a purpose,.
.Tryin to escape eternal damnation,.but Ironically being recruited into service.
'sigh'..I'm waiting, n I'm nervous..why must' I be the one to deliver the verdict
.my stomach's churnin,..heart beating rapidly, feels like my body's burnin..
I've been transformed,.from a lost cause..to pure sin, should I be turned in?,
."yeah?'.."no!"..?, I can't be certain..I gotta choose now n close the curtain,
build my character on principles?..or burn em' I'm an inferno..but split in two
..good or evil? conversing or debating..I'm not sure which side to listen too.?
I wish i knew!..have I been lifted? dude..my entire soul is being twisted thru.
..then it dawns on me, why am I forced to select a side..a choice, a path?.
'Take the life of another at the will of the devil?..given into his voice n wrath.
.Should I be subject to such desicions.....................
'I poise an laugh..an smile,..a aura of light consumes me like a poison gas,..
..I can't beleive what I was considering,..Just glad that I avoided that,.
The devil overcome?..his voids collapsed,.defeat?"ha" that 'boy's surpassed.
.Im a man..amazed, still overjoyed, an relaxed..now I see the light nearing,.
I could had took a turn for the worst..I'm reformed, the fights dissapearing
..noise's..voices im hearing, My cellmate Curtis is coming close..im lying still.
a chill runs up my spine..confused,.he was the one I was suppose to try n kill
..doing the bidding of the devils kaniving will,....
he approaches me,..an requests me to stand face to face an start focusing
.his eye's spired, swirling, an transluded to red."Curtis!?,..are you joking G?!".
he blinked..an I studdered..he wildly start choking me..'I coulnd't breathe!..
..my dim eyes caved under pressure,..I coulnd't see,..
I think something was poking me?..a puncture, a wound?..how?..
.My world went black an hazey,..I felt my skull crack..
..an my surroundings started fading..a brilliant shading of red..
was my life just me delaying the end?..I thought I was portraying a mend..
I left myself vulnerable..I made a choice for god to save me?..
Instead I'm left stranded, thought he would protect me..
but..how could he betray me?..
...........
.......
....
..
.
Dale was found dead, beaten to death by his cellmate Curtis moments later..




Links.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=245590

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=245562

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r0gue.
.I bring down rain so heavy it curse the head.

shit was hott liked the way you told the story...kinda long but enjoyable..nice flow to it...vocab would be the onlything i would say you should work on..story great stucture great creativity great....good fukin drop man...stay active!!!!

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r0gue.
.I bring down rain so heavy it curse the head.

Your first feeback link isnt valid. You need to add another link or this will be closed.

Link.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=245389

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r0gue.
.I bring down rain so heavy it curse the head.

Nice. I think the vocab was good enough for this piece. You didnt overdo it. I like the flow and concept. Shit was tuff. Creative. 8/10. Keep doing you.

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The only thing to fear is fear itself and fear conquers all!!!!

overall, this was a pretty decent drop. you started off pretty simplistic, trying to build up with your multies, but once you got your momentum, you seemed to catch your rhythm. your vocab started off real basic, but got a bit more advanced as you continued.

no hate, just honest critique. none of that really took away from your o.m. though, it was still an enjoyable read bruh. keep 'em coming.

oner...


...s.v.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick Fletcher. I don't drive an Eclipse, they're chickmobiles.

QUESTION: Is it even possible to improve upon perfection???
ANSWER: CRHYME SINDICATE



"I remember this one time I thought I was wrong........but I was mistaken." -Unknown




R.I.P. Jonathan "ONE MAN BAND/TERUMOTO" Nigro. Goodbye brother. God bless the dead. One love.

I FUCKING HATE YOUR FONT BUT I FUCKING LOVE THE PEACE. You got talent and I really like the peace man. keep it up. I dont really know who you are so i guess your new. But your really good. Everything was on point. I hope tos ee more from you.

Vocab,structure, concept,, all amazing. Keep at it.

8.5/10

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Project List

The Classick Mixtape Vol (8/18)
Age Of Consent Mixtape Vol 1(16/16)
The Classick Album(2/16)
S&S Express E.P.(1/10)

Lot of back to back shit. Stay tuned.

I'll feed this later on hopefully tonight

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

thanks for the feed everyonee..its appreciated. I'll try to hit up some of your om's n leave some feed

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Fear

Well like i said ima leave feed, for such a long piece you had a couple things wrong with it not too much that it was none enjoyable just viewing disturbing i wanted you to fix the font so comments like this wouldn't occur. I can usually tell by the length in someone's drop if the piece will be bullshit or not and it was a pretty decent drop, but most of ya lines sounded as if it was dragging shorten them, well ya syllable count anyway atleast because it just sounded off with your internal rhyming like words were missing or too many words were there ya feel me. The emotion and imagry was good tho nice storyline pretty well thoughtout structure was ok at best along with your vocabulary.

Fix da font, its really disturbing...props tho.

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

I wasn't feeling the multies so much because, well, it would sound stretched in a song. But this isn't audio is it?



Anyway, this was a pretty nice drop man. I was liking the emotion that you brought, but some of the concepts in what you were saying were kinda played, like the whole "I'm a broke pour ass". Hell I am too, but I live with it.

As far as vocab goes, it was decent. Nothing spectacular.

Overall, it was a nice drop man. Keep it up.

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Soundclick
NEW Myspace

I left feed so there ya go.

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