Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
07-17-05, 07:53 PM | #1 | ||||||
Light Weight
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heart broke
IP: 23D5 2B69
my heart broke today it heard news
that she found another guy...... instead of chasin her i let her go leavin my heart to shatter into pieces.... it isn't her fault tho this is all on me i made a mistake an as a result my heart broke... not sure how long it will take to heal....who knows maybe never...it may not be whole again but then again neva know the way my life is goin eventually it'll all end in sorrow..... |
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07-17-05, 07:54 PM | #2 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
short lil drop..feedback appreciated...pce
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07-18-05, 06:12 PM | #3 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 7156 2710
Okay piece... gives a sense of hopelessness... what happens to some people when love fails them... life is hard at times...
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07-19-05, 01:45 PM | #4 | ||||
Back....
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IP: 9AA7 03B7
well. yes it was short. no real story to it. try telling us about what happened and we'll enjoy reading it. not that good. but keep writing.
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Back..... |
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07-20-05, 01:47 PM | #5 | ||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 4673 04CC
A lot of emotion in it, but it feels incomplete. What else happened?
__________________
"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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07-22-05, 12:25 AM | #6 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
ay thanx fa the feedback yall...but the backstory of it is that me an this girl had a thing goin fa a while...but then one day she told me she found someone else...an that lead to this short lil poem...uppin
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07-22-05, 04:17 PM | #7 | |||||
[ a.k.a Os ]
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IP: F519 0F67
I thought this was short but it shows your potential with more writing and experience i believe you can be real good the piece though was good not a whole lot of detail but you still got your point and emotion through keep it up man
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07-26-05, 12:19 AM | #8 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
ay thanx fa da feedback..yea i'll try n make em longer an get da details pce
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