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Old 01-07-05, 01:31 PM   #1
FlowIntelligent.
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Text Record: 55-26
Given Light Vs. Konqlusion.

IP: 3240 794D

Rules:

Battles Go Up Friday
Check In Due Sunday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Verses Due Tuesday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Voting Ends Thursday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time

20 Lines Minimum
40 Lines Maximum

No Biting
No Recycling
Do Not Go Over The Line Limit Or Under The Line Limit
Meaning No Less Than 20 Lines No More Than 40 Lines

You Must Vote On 3 Battles Per Week And Edit Them Into Your Check-In.. If You Dont Do So, Youre Banned From The Tourney The Following Week


Topic: Smog In The Morning
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Old 01-10-05, 09:36 AM   #2
Mix & Match
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Ok, checking in.
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Old 01-11-05, 10:50 PM   #3
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Early Morning Smog

In the night shots rang, like halloween night,
The warning bell sounded, we turned off the light.
Not to be seen, nor heard, non-existant preferred,
Living in the Middle-Eastern, my brother fell silent, I urged.
Counting heads I noticed one was missing, alas a little brother,
Put on my coat, kissed my family goodbye, an extra hug from my mother.
Out of our quaint room I ran, to lay my life on the line,
Frantically I was searching, for a glimpse of one of my kind.
More shots, fear hit my already panick stricken mind, terror in my eyes,
There he was huddled against a wall, dirty, but alive.
A sigh of relief I ran and picked him up,"It's ok I have you", whispered tones,
"If something happens run home, don't look back" rebels were walking up the road.
Shots seared, blazing in all of man's greatest fury,
Nature was on my side, today was not my time, still hurried.
Too dangerous to walk on, hidden amongst an abandoned house,
Scared and crying, held him tight, making less sound than a mouse.

We waited for the firing to subside, covered his eyes, not seeing the dead bodies that lie.

Polloution fills the air, from guns, tanks, blown up cars,
An idea hit me, whispering, "Not much longer, just hold on".
The sun was rising, as was my hope, dawn was approaching,
A glare of light, and we were gone, constantly choking.
The thick fumes from nothing that was made by Almighty God,
He showed me the way, fleeing, through that Early Morning Fog.


I wrote this tonight, right after saying good night to my brothers.
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Old 01-11-05, 11:00 PM   #4
Mix & Match
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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170895
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170903
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1889522

From the people that actually showed.

And if someone wants to help me out, it won't let me edit,

it even says so in the posting rules.
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Old 01-11-05, 11:26 PM   #5
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Old 01-12-05, 07:04 AM   #6
DQ
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Cool, you used my topic hehe...I'll give you some feedback because i know how bad it sucks if you get a no-show...

I enjoyed reading your verse because of the way you approached the topic for on, your descriptions were vivid which gave me the feeling like i was there to see everything happen. Vocab was tight, not too many complex words but not too basic either, found a nice balance. Have no bad comments to give concerning the flow and structure. Emotion was clearly present, you really felt the struggle to get his brother back home safe and sound and the love he has for him.

Solid drop!
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Old 01-12-05, 03:56 PM   #7
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^Thanks for the feedback, anymore would be appreciated.
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Old 01-12-05, 04:46 PM   #8
50hater_killer
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Yea same here I think you cam pretty good on hitting the topic pretty hard. You showed ur emotion in it and had me as if I was living in it and you wrote it as if you experienced. but try to come harder and put more vocab into it next time but not bad.
 
Old 01-13-05, 02:58 PM   #9
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anymore feedback please? And damn, at all those emcees who signed up, but decided to no-show, that's lame.
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Old 01-13-05, 10:11 PM   #10
FlowIntelligent.
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Given Light Wins By No-Show

Given Light +3
Konqlusion. -4
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