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11-17-03, 07:33 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Soft Focus Presents: Untitled
IP: A7AA 04A9
SoftFocus Presents:
A Collaboration By Existance And Filed Untitled ~Filed lost words tumble aimlessly in my minds outerspace fading out to nothing in the dampness behind my face breaking apart from one another, forming untrue parts gradually tearing ones from my life who make up my heart things were so dark so dreary everything seemed at a lost my heart was quickly dying turning black from hates frost then in the eternal distance one tiny spark did relight i knew what it represented and longed for it with all my might... .existance. every word i breathe i mean completely, what i mean is, its you that completes me. this feeling defeats me, not having you here, i do just about anything to have you close and near. lets toast to fear, our worries or our problems, but you know me girl, i will always solve them. you're the best thing thats happened to my existance, so chill wit the resistance and ill chill wit the persistance. ~Filed he knows only too well how to place his words to catch me snares me in them, promises me the single copy of his hearts key but did he catch me, or did i fall into this land purposely coz i have this feeling inside that i kept disrespecting i know how i long for this to be set out in the end only problem is fear with its deathly tight grip i cant bend i look deep into his familiar soul he cant hide through his eyes and realize that when this end comes i cant bare a permanent good-bye .existance. now no worries . . . this isnt time for good bye juss the thought of you gone makes me think i could die i juss stood by when i should try, somewhat harder to listen to my heart or, stop my brain's flowing water -Filed If the very thought of me gone can bring you to tears then why did you take to her, leaving me with total fear Thick darkness surrounded me, seeped inside covered my heart but you reappeared in my life wishing only for a new start .existance. girl you know me better than that, i was juss five when you met me. i never meant to stray frum you, or take away frum you, im ready. this time i'll devote my body and, soul to you, this aint a fallacy. this is not for profit but im the prophet that promised the world, here's heaven's palace, see . . . ~Filed yes once i thought for sure i knew this man but then he jumped and left me with no guiding hand in a new world i joined, i entered scared and unsure but i picked up my feet, moved across hell's floor now here you stand strong once again in front of me if i were you i wouldnt have stayed, but turned and fleed for i thought i was going to kill you the next time we met eyes but for that i was mistaken, so lets think about another try .existance. see now i used to rob and get off first, but dont call me durst; but puttin myself in this situation is by far the worst sin, i've been in, but take it for what its worth. this is really big, like bigger than the earth; i've always wanted you, i knew it since birth. now take it for whats its worth, i was trippin; i caught myself slippin when i realized i was dippin. i was caught in the ocean of emotion, guilt runnin thru my mind, imposin erosion. now look at the kid, he frozen, posin; take me back and i'll never again violate your trust; you're forever my friend, my lover, my love, its for us. |
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11-17-03, 10:55 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A7AA 04A9
Uppin For Some Replies, Damn, Not Even Soft Focus Did . . .
Poetry Gets Slept On . . . |
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11-18-03, 10:34 AM | #3 | |||||||
I Am The Light
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IP: CB2E 7CE0
Alright this collab made me feel all sappy inside......and that scares me....lol.... I really enjoyed the way you guys kept even bars throughout the piece...Really nice structure and planning on this...I can say this kinda thing happens everyday...and its great to be able to work with the opposite sex.. I really enjoyed Files opening verse...
"lost words tumble aimlessly in my minds outerspace fading out to nothing in the dampness behind my face breaking apart from one another, forming untrue parts gradually tearing ones from my life who make up my heart things were so dark so dreary everything seemed at a lost my heart was quickly dying turning black from hates frost then in the eternal distance one tiny spark did relight i knew what it represented and longed for it with all my might..." Great imagery along with deep regrets and meaning...this opened up the piece perfectly..I like the dark feel of the second part...very nice... Existance did a great job on his first opener as well... "every word i breathe i mean completely, what i mean is, its you that completes me. this feeling defeats me, not having you here, i do just about anything to have you close and near. lets toast to fear, our worries or our problems, but you know me girl, i will always solve them. you're the best thing thats happened to my existance, so chill wit the resistance and ill chill wit the persistance." I mean its happened to most guys who dont sit in their computer rooms all day and cyber...The real deal***Its tough to find the right words, but this guy feels trapped and secluded and the only words he can express is true honesty...makes me feel like this guy isnt so bad at all.... Overall guys great work....you both deserve a clap and maybe a award for it...hehe....one thing wheres the title did you decide its better unsaid...get back at me -1-
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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11-18-03, 02:15 PM | #4 | ||||
\/ pissing me off!!!!
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IP: B89D 4D65
aiight,
the only thing wrong with this was the length. but other than that i enjoyed it. yes once i thought for sure i knew this man but then he jumped and left me with no guiding hand in a new world i joined, i entered scared and unsure but i picked up my feet, moved across hell's floor ^^^i liked these few lines^^^ some nice immagery, topic was on point. please peep my latest drop. aight peace
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<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center> |
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11-18-03, 03:13 PM | #5 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 399E F0FD
this was long...worth the read yes but long none the less...it seemd at times yall were juss a smich awae when u spoke but...it was good flow was nice an the whole callab thing was better done than sum otha shit i dun seen...more power to yall good job...
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...do tell... Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold...... simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi- |
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11-18-03, 05:16 PM | #6 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
thank you all for readin and repling to this, even if it was a little long, it drew out a whole story.
Deacon, thanks for the long reply. we couldnt decide on a name for the piece, so we decided to leave it untitled double-0 seven thank you for pointing out those few lines you liked, because those few i wasnt sure if i liked them all that much and wasnt sure if i wanted to put them in. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven Last edited by filed : 11-18-03 at 05:19 PM. |
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11-18-03, 05:52 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A7AA 04A9
See Tera I Told You, It Was A Good Lead In To The Ending . . . Uppin For More Replies
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11-18-03, 06:55 PM | #8 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
true... this was real long. Thats probably why its taking me so long to respond... annnyway... that was probably the only problem. your first few longs grabbed me in.. made me want to just FiNiSH the whole poem.. so i did.. anyway though... the imagery, topic, flow.. everything was ill... there was nothing OFF in this piece. Amazing drop.
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-18-03, 08:20 PM | #9 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 1A71 4B47
ah man,
this hit sort of close to home ok...i liked it, i think it was stronger in the begining Quote:
that was nice right there throughout the piece the message we clear....imagery easy structure...nice collab looking foward to see some more maybe
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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11-18-03, 08:59 PM | #10 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 8A94 AECE
There Will Be More . . . Thanx For The Replies, Uppin`
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11-19-03, 02:13 AM | #11 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: C6F7 33F7
Existance...Filed....
sometimes certain people have certain people that they work well with..contunitity is a very wonderful thing and its definately worked out well with both of you on this here..untitled this could have many different tiitles but you both represented well from the very start but the fact of the matter is that this was great and worth reading |
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11-19-03, 07:09 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A7AA 04A9
We Figured It Was Nice Enough Where It Didnt Need A Title . . .
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11-20-03, 08:59 PM | #13 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
thank you for all your replies and taking time to read this.
i dont think we would have ever founf a title that suited it that we both agreed on, but maybe our next piece will have one, seeing as you say there will be more..... lol ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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11-21-03, 02:09 PM | #14 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A7AA 04A9
Of Course There Are More To Come . . . I Like Workin Witchu
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12-29-03, 03:56 PM | #15 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
hmm lets see it we can get some more replies to this, pls.
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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