Rules:

Battles Go Up Friday
Check In Due Sunday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Verses Due Tuesday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Voting Ends Thursday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time

20 Lines Minimum
40 Lines Maximum

No Biting
No Recycling
Do Not Go Over The Line Limit Or Under The Line Limit
Meaning No Less Than 20 Lines No More Than 40 Lines

You Must Vote On 3 Battles Per Week And Edit Them Into Your Check-In.. If You Dont Do So, Youre Banned From The Tourney The Following Week


Topic: Insomnia

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

heres my chekin in peace.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

^^ What He Said... Good Luck

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

You To Mate Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

__________________
vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

oK i CHANGED my name this is my new one

intro
I lie in this couch tossing and turning as I hear the sirens and the midnight sounds of the city,
As I hear the screams and shouts of the neighbor in the night I know that he is hitting his wife once again Bitty,
But now I lie on this couch no meds to take for my deseases for I can not sleep,
So I am still awake in this society and in this world of this deep thought.

verse

The couch is hard and cold with no rest for any blankets or pillows or neither a med can put me to sleep.
I hear the midnight screams and shouts of the people below as some screams hit me deep in my thoughts.
I was only twelve when I got this insomnia,
so now I stay awake watching the news over osama.
This cold and broken apartment is no help for this cold weather as I attempt to shutter my eyes,
For I hear everything in this room even the fighting of the neighbors witch I hear their fist flies.
This diseases keeps me up in the late hours of the nights,
like a fight that is going in my mind like two raging dogs witch I can not stop their fights.
I sleep half the day away and some call me the night walker,
I know that this disease can kill me off for the Dr.s say I am not getting any sleep,
But what do they know only thing they are good for is putting me in dept deep on my knees.
As I lie on the couch liflessly trying to daze myself asleep I feel pain all around my body,
as I know that one of these days or hour this disease will take its toll upon me,
But now all I can do is listen to the city night life as my spirit and my thoughts try to flee me.
As my mind tries to dround out the midnight sounds I know that it will not stay gone long,
for this is like a bong and my body as grown to the addiction for this disease that the docs call insomnia.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

heres my first link http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1870709

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

number two!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1871716


From now on just edit your links into one post this is taking up space - F.I

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

Aiight...


What is sleep? Its just a figment of imagination to me
So i find myself reading, eating, and pacing to sleep
Nothing ever works, Im caught im a downward spiral
Im obsessed with insomnia, like im obsessed with pyro
Because i burn the chanches of myself getting any rest
So i try all the new methods, And put them to the test
Even with supplements, im wide awake in this zone
Sitting extremely idle on my bed for hours like a clone
Trying to think of sheep, or anything else that will help
Because with all my cries, rested bones are still not felt
I sit and moan, piss and groan, and it always seems endless
Because im awake longer than the periods in this sentance...............................
So i turn on the TV, and see vivid but blurred pictures
And cant follow the plot, so i begin to write scriptures
The verses keep my mind tired, writers block is the key
Because if it's sleep i want, Then words is what i need
Words that are descriptive, but words that are small
Words that can make you fall asleep for no reason at all
So i write forever until i can see dew glisten on the grass
And still have not slept within all the hours that have passed
Its morning and yet im wide awake, refreshed and alert
I feel fine for now but my body will soon feel the hurt
12 hours pass, and im in bed, with the same situation
And realize im the same we live in a insomniac nation

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

and my number three link!
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1874018

__________________
vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

hmm...my vote goes to flow but this was kind of weak flow ive seen a lot better lol...no hate

beginning/end-tie, i thought 50hater had a more descriptive and grabbing intro but flows ending was better...

vocab-flow, basically had a better vocab even though this aspect felt weak also...the words used helped bring out the imagery more

imagery-flow,^the words helped do that and i could see what was happening more...this was close though cuz 50hater had a lot of description but most of it felt uneeded...he could of changed a lot of words that could of saved his flow and still bring out the imagery so some of the things 50hater said wasnt really needed it kind of overlapped and brought the imagery down more

emotion-flow, thought the story was good and once again the words drew the reader in more and could understand more of what the person was going through...

flow-flow, 50haters lines were very stretched and offcourse...because of a lot of uneeded words to try and describe things it messed up his flow and the verse seemed more like poetry...there was a half a line and then a full line or a line and a half sometimes and its harder for the reader to comprehend it so it felt kinda like a free poetry layout like saying what you want without caring about how the lines look and stuff so yea flow got this aspect...

good luck to both no hate

peace

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naw no hard feelings dammit lol.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1