an acient presence, long existing, neither of us can comprehend/ A delicate rift, so minute, but we dare not try to mend/ Exhaling a breath of a second death; releasing the first command/ Knowing no depth and swallowing life's stress; revealing a man/ dead weight shifting to life, reaching the light, again he stands/ Spread great, giving to night, preaching of plight; Within the plans//

working on shifts/ the demon and the rift/ Hell's spawn and man's gift/ as planes converge/ the demon submerged/ into his inanimate partners surge/ of darkness/ contesting on whose truly heartless/ the cavity of our chest/ torn apart with/ an eternal solid seemingly partless/and in the end i confess//

((to make up for the sori shit i dropped the other day)) -_-;;

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

This was about you finding God? I read through it a few times and that's the only thing I could imagine it being about. You wrote it in a different way. The slashes were kind of annoying but I guess if you wrote it by breaking the sentences up it wouldn't look right? I dunno.

Overall, I thought this was good. The way it rhymed and came together I liked. The topic and the way you wrote it was different. There's probably more to it than finding God that I missed. But I liked all that. Not bad at all, my man. Keep posting. Sorry for the dumb reply. I didn't really know what I was talking about

uppin for reply....

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

I liked your ryme scheme alot

i thought your second verse wasent quite as strong as the first ...but you brought it on the first. I really liked it alot just seemed like your ran out of peotic steem on the second one

still a nice peice

i agree wit gonzo i was feelin the rhyme scheme too and ya 1st was alot stronger, but it wouldnt sound as good any other way i like the way u chose..

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my head is clouded with senseless doubt
but this seems to be my only escape route
so ill slither my way across the ground
to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found
~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~