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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-23-05, 01:12 AM
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#1
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..."6s"...
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Put On Hold -> You are #3 in line
IP: 76BA 16EB
Hello, Thank you for calling God
If you want to to speak to God in English, Press one Tu Quieres hablar con Dios en Espanol, Prensas dos (beep) You've chosen to speak to God in English, if this is correct, press one, if not, press star to go back. (beep) Thank you. (ring ring ring) Remember a time probably before you were nine when the only things that mattered were you and them and it and him when bologni or ham where the biggest decisions you made when girls were icky and life was simple you had that dimple and everyone pinched the fuck out of it? Remember when even the make believe bad words were bad so you'd say nonsense like "Shoot... bang bang"? seven up and king chase queen on rainy days hopscotch, monkey bars, dodgeball we were boxball masters and no one could touch us And all that time... Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep And if i die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take God was just a shout away to keep us safe to keep us sane promoting a sense of wellness just in the utterance of his name and then we got older got connected developed materialism wanted money Your call is very important to God, please hold and your call will be answered in the order it was received. (sing elevator music) remember that time around the age of twelve? the other sex pressed heavy on our concious unconcious to the big picture soon they were our world, they were our drive, they were our downfall because we stopped for that moment to be who we were collectively we all did like a ray that started with us and followed to our elders and beyond them it seemed as though our self-bastardization occured overnight but no one can pin point that night we were always on this track and like population it occurs exponentially we are who we are because that is the foundation that was laid and through corporate mergers, catch phrases, procedures, policies checklists, quotas, HMO's, IPO's, a solid ground in fallacies we lost connection with us until we were it then when the buildings collapse we wonder how we even got here and now that we complicate things we wonder where God is? Bowling? Playing tennis? Probably watching, crying, wondering why we no longer speak to him Good thing AT&T finally listed his number And it only costs my soul Thank for holding, you are number 3 in que, please continue to hold. ::elevator music:: A peice that i worked on in my spare time, or when i was bored... even though i didnt dedicate alot of "offical" time into this, i put alot of work into it, and any feedback is appreciated and returned 
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::[ - THE PROBLEM WITH THIS GENERATION - ]:: |
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05-23-05, 09:02 PM
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#2
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Banned: Biting
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IP: FE4C 9A0C
this piece is ok, not really good but its ok. not really feeling the structure, lost the flow in some places, needs work. but other then that, the topic was nice. not to obiest. i like the wordplay that was bieng formatted. but needs work..
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05-23-05, 09:23 PM
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#3
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
yeah i thot it was a real original piece i liked the concept n the meaning behind the words, structure was...meh...lol but its a poem so maybe u wanted it to be like that!
 anyways keep comin up wit original shit like that i enjoyed readin it!
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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05-23-05, 09:41 PM
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#4
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..."6s"...
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IP: 76BA 16EB
Quote:
aiight, thanx for the honest feed - i was really tyna to convey emotion, not realy show off talent, but yes i need to work on those... thanx for thee feed Quote:
yea like i said above, i wasnt working for structure more like emotion, but i will work on structure - thanx for the feed, glad you liked it
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::[ - THE PROBLEM WITH THIS GENERATION - ]:: |
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05-23-05, 09:41 PM
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#5
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Banned: Biting
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IP: FE4C 9A0C
^^^true. but its TOO original...but you did good.
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05-23-05, 09:46 PM
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#6
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
how can sumthin be too original!?
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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05-23-05, 09:49 PM
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#7
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..."6s"...
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IP: 76BA 16EB
you just confused the fuck outta me... how can it be "TOO" orignal... isnt the farther away from being a copy-cat mean your more orignal... but yea,,, ne ways
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::[ - THE PROBLEM WITH THIS GENERATION - ]:: |
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05-23-05, 11:54 PM
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#8
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Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
ay nice drop man...i liked the meanin behind it...good emotion and it was original not somethin u see alot nemore...keep it up 1
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05-24-05, 02:14 PM
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#9
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..."6s"...
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IP: 76BA 16EB
word yo, thanx for the feed... much appreciated...
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::[ - THE PROBLEM WITH THIS GENERATION - ]:: |
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05-25-05, 02:30 PM
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#10
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
wow, missed this one, here goes: the emotional factor was strong in this piece,you had it set up nice,with the calls in the background,i could almost hear the elevator music..lol, this was very creative, your vocabulary was strong as well, i enjoyed this poem, it was smart, sentimental and nostalgic, good shit.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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