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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-15-05, 04:28 PM
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#1
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Heart Pearl
IP: D484 1460
Something Short But Sweet, Helping Me Get Bakk Into Doing Topicals..... Heart Pearl As barbed wire hatred engulfs my heart, vicious & cruel Missed the important rule, keep tite of my one true jewel Each of her sides ripples across my rough skin to a decline Falls…dragging my heart,keeping hold of my hearts love vine Unforgettable to this day of so many years ponder in my mind Thoughts that were confined, her subtle touch still left behind No more words to intertwine, sense of love becomes blind Things about to always remind, time on my mind to rewind Conjure up sweet memories, all now but vaguely forgotten Pain becomes rotten, heart once held high now at the bottom Her perfume lingers in your sense, a tickle in your veins Love is like the passing of trains, true love never remains Your heart suddenly drops and explodes like an atom bomb The saying goes you don’t know what you have till it’s gone |
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11-15-05, 04:29 PM
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#2
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IP: D484 1460
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11-16-05, 12:29 PM
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#3
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IP: F5E7 F376
uppin.....................
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11-16-05, 02:08 PM
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#4
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IP: 76BC 47C7
Word..
Sweet imagery, and great vocab in this piece. The message is strong, clear, and comes across good. Most of the metaphors were good. I enjoyed it. The flow could have been a bit better, but other than that. Sweet OM.. Good drop.. |
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11-16-05, 03:28 PM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
The saying goes you don’t know what you have till it’s gone
^I sadly agree...(personal issues at moment) Nice little piece, I would've loved for it to be longer but anyway. Got good vocab going on, sweet imagery, heartfelt emotion. Nice little piece right here, keep it up...had a good poetic vibe to it!
__________________
Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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11-16-05, 04:26 PM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP: B15A D835
Wassup, this was a nice topical..Liked the imagery and shit As barbed wire hatred engulfs my heart, vicious & cruel Missed the important rule, keep tite of my one true jewel ^^^Nice opener Each of her sides ripples across my rough skin to a decline Falls…dragging my heart,keeping hold of my hearts love vine ^^^^Nice meta and imagery..Real talk Unforgettable to this day of so many years ponder in my mind Thoughts that were confined, her subtle touch still left behind ^^^^Nice multi and imagery.. No more words to intertwine, sense of love becomes blind Things about to always remind, time on my mind to rewind ^^^^Nice vocab and multis.. Conjure up sweet memories, all now but vaguely forgotten Pain becomes rotten, heart once held high now at the bottom ^^^^Nice imagery Her perfume lingers in your sense, a tickle in your veins Love is like the passing of trains, true love never remains Your heart suddenly drops and explodes like an atom bomb The saying goes you don’t know what you have till it’s gone ^^^^^Nice meta in the never reamins line. Nice finisher Nothing wrong with this piece, shit was phat yahmean? Keep doin' ya thing |
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11-17-05, 11:59 AM
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#7
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Do Re Mi
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IP: F008 DBF6
pretty good pretty good.. i liked it alot but i think
you could have done alot better with the topic.. vocab was alright but it was made up for by the emotion my favorite line was.. "Each of her sides ripples across my rough skin to a decline Falls…dragging my heart,keeping hold of my hearts love vine" i liked the metaphor and the emotion it brought across overall i liked the drop and i think you should keep going with it and gimme some more to read lol 
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crhyme sindicate . . . . . |
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11-19-05, 06:30 PM
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#8
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©
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IP: F5E7 F376
uppin................
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11-19-05, 06:46 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP: E5E8 EFA3
Dope imagery along with some dope vocabs that were in the correct places..
good ishh
__________________
 .Wise Productions.
.Open Mics Commin Soon. Quote:
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11-20-05, 07:02 AM
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#10
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©
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IP: F5E7 F376
uppin...............
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11-20-05, 07:38 AM
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#11
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Nt Your Average
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IP: 70F7 A7B6
yeah its got good imagery....short but effective
flows on point,got your point across really well ummmmm yeah i dunno what else to say it was nice keep up
__________________
OYD MAFIA
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11-20-05, 09:52 AM
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#12
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New to RV
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IP: 1A3E 2555
was cool, you had nice imagery throughout... methaphors were on point, multies were eh, but w/e. good emotion you put into it, but i agree w/ whoever said you could've done a LOT better with such a broad topic as this.
"Her perfume lingers in your sense, a tickle in your veins" ^.. i liked this for some reason. keep it up, and rtf please. 1 |
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11-20-05, 10:30 AM
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#13
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The Epitome Of Greatness
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IP: 3240 794D
Good piece here,
Ive always had the problem of throwing multies into a topical so they would fit well with the basis of the story, but you did it better than most ive seen try. The imagery was probably the highlight of the piece, the first line... As Barbed Wire Hatred Engulfs My Heart... That first line right there, let you know what the topic would be about. A Love lost, broken heart, the pain of loving etc.. the first line really narrated what your story would tell and thats always good. Definately a good piece to get back into topical writing.... ........... .......... .......... But my teams' still wining the BR Tourney 
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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion  |
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11-20-05, 10:33 AM
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#14
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©
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IP: F5E7 F376
ye, you and stanza lol
 vs. Me and Atty Flow is   |
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11-20-05, 03:08 PM
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#15
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WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
i thought this was a decent piece for real. the imagery was good and it was supported nicely by a large vocabulary....
you gave your own unique take on this topic and i thought you did it quite well. it had a really poetic feel to it.... 8/10 |
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