RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 11-23-07, 05:25 PM   #17
Germ
in your system
 
Posts: 7,619
From: Adanac
IP:

it was a neat idea, i dunno, only problem i really had was your structure.. uhm, seemed to vary alot, which kinda takes away from the read if you really start to get some flowing lines, which you had, but i guess thats only really a huge issue if you want to make this audio. but it was well written, havnn't seen anything else from you,

Crows started barkin', a charmin' sound at 7 in Morning,
The bus-stop tree had no leaves 'cuz it was winter 'n pooring.

that was kick ass, if i'd suggest anything, sometimes it seemed like you threw words in just to keep the rhyme up, i also liked those small sentences, where you transitioned and what not, but good piece overall, write some more douche
__________________



this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish



FLY FREE
Send a message via AIM to Germ Send a message via MSN to Germ   Reply With Quote
 


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:44 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.