i'm a talk a lil something with you
bout the things i've seen and been through
i've been around this world
seen the rich and the poor,
i've seen a young girl reach to the sky
in the middle of the monsoons
i've seen elephants cry,
and tigers in the middle of the jungle,
i been to chicago
and on the front steps
where i stood
waiting , i saw a old
man hold his own against
a bunch of drummer kids
who wanted his spot to hold his cash
but he wouldnt have none of it
i've seen the cops
good and the bad,
i've see the hate that
tears these famlies apart
and the structure fall down
as the last man standing
i do my part.
decided i was a man at a young age
no daddy , and mama was all was gettin paged
family of doctors where i wanted to be a rocker
but i found the pressures of life to blow me away
i held out a window with nothing to lose
held on the the hand i never could trust
all for the moments that felt so rushed
but i'll jus talk to you a bit
about that lil something
tha finishes it

Bro that's real. But you need a little work on your structure, let me know if you want some help.

Gimme honest votes folks. I'll return the favor
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http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138941

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138907

__________________

uhhh...i wasnt really feeling that

u wil get better with experience...but like tha last dude said

work on tha structure....it will make it easier to read and it will loook and flow better too

well u should return tha favor and gimme some feed back on my poems:
"you pain is my pain" and "turn for tha worse"

__________________

Holla At Cha' Boy!!!

Battles That Need Voting: L.G. vs. Rawkilla

This Feeling Man It Makes Me Weak At The Knees
It Has To Be The L-o-v-e
I Hate It Man This Feeling I Obtain
Love Is When Ya Heart Just Takes Over Ya Brain
Noting But Love Between Us Thee No Hate I Aint Saying No Names But I Think I Met My Soul Mate
Now It Might Sond Crazy
Stupid Or Sumting
Its Strange
Like I Got Hit By Cupind Or Sumting
Its All Bout You Ma Forget The Set Im Repping
I Would Walk 1000 Miles Just To See You 4 A Second
You The Apple In My Eye
You The Reason Im Breating
Thanks To My Cheating It Gave You Reason 4 Leaving
No Im Sitting In My Room Remanissin Bout The Past
9th Grade Math When I Used To Pass You Notes In Class
You The Key In My Ignition
U Da Sun In The Sky
No Im Sitting My Room And Im Wondering Y
Y I Let You Slip Away Y I Lose My Grip
Y Im Sitting My Room Bout To Thro A Fit
Y I Aint Out Side Bout To Get I Da Whip
Y I Aint Outside Ya Window Spitting This Verse Atcha Crib
Y I Need You In My Blood Like Oxygen
You The Reason 4 My Being
The Mission 4 My Existance

The Reason Y Im Here Begging The Lord 4 For Giveness
__________________

i am feeling ya stuff mad deep tell me what you think bout mine
feed back plz