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Old 02-15-04, 12:22 AM   #1
Maven
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Seconds Away

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I'm only here to see you
in less than one sense of the word
because as it would seem
you are more likely to be heard
it doesn't strike me as absurd;
you were never one for formalities
but I am still placing in third
you took the pleasure right out of me
no, don't be disheartened
I'm still your favourite party favour
so drink up, my hearty neighbour
because this nectar is our savior
I couldn't save her for the life of me
well, the life of her I suppose
what really is my melody
without all the added prose?
in the sunlight it still grows
and expands into the tree of life
but, I reside in third place
because I didn't read the fine type
..the fine type you are though
and tonight was our show
you still hold my heart; know
it's in the depths of scarborough
and I think I possess your heart
cause it's loveliness is here to stay
in the form of your paint and art
I'm still the third...because Second's Away...

who gives a shit, third times a charm
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Old 02-15-04, 12:45 PM   #2
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*sigh*
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Life isn't a bitch...
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Old 02-15-04, 01:39 PM   #3
Mag...
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ba da da da daaa Im lovin' it! as JT might say...

well it was a little rambling at the beginning but you really picked up at the end... the rhyme structure might be overly complex at points but it could be worked out.. im not sure cuz id have to hear you spit it... Not sure if you are a genius poet or if this piece is just hard to understand... but does this work mean anything??

{Peace}
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Old 02-15-04, 01:42 PM   #4
Edicius
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Solid read here hombre, good writers voice, tho i thought the vocab could be upped at some places,

I'm still your favourite party favour
so drink up, my hearty neighbour
because this nectar is our savior

Feld this , and the piece also as a just keyed down, .. resulted in a nice one =) .
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Old 02-15-04, 01:47 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnificent
ba da da da daaa Im lovin' it! as JT might say...

well it was a little rambling at the beginning but you really picked up at the end... the rhyme structure might be overly complex at points but it could be worked out.. im not sure cuz id have to hear you spit it... Not sure if you are a genius poet or if this piece is just hard to understand... but does this work mean anything??

{Peace}


LMAO at the MacDonald's thing
thanks for the feed, the piece is actually about a night spent with my girlfriend.
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Old 02-15-04, 02:14 PM   #6
Bare Knuckles
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Check my reply on RNR.



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Old 02-15-04, 02:15 PM   #7
Nic Caesar
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it was iight... i was feelin it... i mean the lines/bars were short... if it wasn't centered structure would look hella gay... but dat just me... i flip/fixed it so i guess its coo... it was digged tho.. nice lines in there tho most def

I'm still your favourite party favour
so drink up, my hearty neighbour
because this nectar is our savior

dat ish was nice... lol... i was feelin dat outta the whole verse... good drop dunny

Peep my ~A Bullet for yo thoughts~

Caesar - On3
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Old 02-15-04, 02:19 PM   #8
Penskills
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Nice work Maven...very easy to read and follow...I know you are equipped with an exceptional vocab,so I won't even bother mentioning it....^^.....I just wasnted to say this was a great work and I'm starting to like pieces more and more...peace..
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Old 02-15-04, 10:23 PM   #9
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thanks =)
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Old 02-16-04, 07:28 AM   #10
Dev
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liked this, tight little read... not sure on the bar length, but thats the only thing id say... other than that dope drop....
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Old 02-16-04, 09:00 AM   #11
Ambitious
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nice little piece....good imagry...okay topic....your flow of the short bars is what i liekd most....vocab was good...as were some metas....wordplay was eh....decent....
liked it tho good job
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