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Old 05-10-06, 12:15 PM   #1
Capo~Status
New to RV
 
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Posts: 33
Joined: Apr 2006
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Text Record: 0-1
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I'm War

IP: 9E95 B275

I gotta 4-5th, nope
Nope I gotta 2-5 (can't boost)
Too-wide
your-eyes
when my bullets nose dive...(atcha face)
No lie, for why
My clip is holdin' thunder cats
straight to your back,
That's the way the thunder claps, yup
And I'm a violent nigga
you take this shit so soft -
like you a violet nigga...(plz)
You hustle coke? - you ain't got much shit to fall
No one's buyin shit - like a Zeller's catalogue
You fuckin up nigga - you ain't rock to caine
Tsunami Time - 4 Shottie Lines,
Wet you up like Blaine (in tha deep)
I'm stackin up arms - ammunition to the clouds
I ain't desperate, but crazy - A young fuckin Mahmoud
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Old 05-10-06, 02:20 PM   #2
The Creator
I beat bitches up
 
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Posts: 539
Joined: May 2006
From: South Florida nugga'
Status: Offline
Text Record: 8-1
IP: F1FE FCAA

first of all...
1. it has to be around 16 lines minimum...I dont know if cutting the lines in half like that works for the rules(we'll see)
2. u have to leave feed back on atleast 2 other peoplez shit and post the link in which u did it at.
thats just so u dont get closed down.

honestly...I liked it. its very dirty south. no lyrical shit. just simple I'll clap the shit out u type of real shit. but u do need to fix ur structure to make it more text presentable. check out the tutorials on this site to learn how to right a verse on net forum shits. I give ur verse... 4/10. keep that shit up dawg.
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Old 05-10-06, 05:25 PM   #3
scanz
-da prophit-
 
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Posts: 497
Joined: Jan 2006
From: south miami.
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IP: CF86 0039

didnt reallly like this. u always put 2 words that rhyme and call it a line when it aint. for real. u need to elevate and make something good cus u have potential but u aint letting it out. keep trying and shit.
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Old 05-10-06, 07:40 PM   #4
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
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Text Record: 70-13
IP: 5B30 0354

Moved to freestyle

Drop two links
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