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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-31-06, 03:05 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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The 7 Sins: Lust
IP: 2C18 68C3
The Seven Sins: Lust  Ta2 Tears as Lionel Lust, Verse 2 Pakaveli as narrator, verses 1 & 3 “Look over there” Sumptuous fruits that grow on greener pastures Attract attention to riveting eyes that enthral Moulded from marble perfected by plasters Amidst the hall one man forgets his phone call Voluptuous figure plus the full lips a perfect solder Hold her because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder “Eh, Lionel you okay” "Personality is my heroin, whereas her looks are my needle, Emitting the encroaching addiction to conquer my feeble Will power. I wish to devour her whole, let me empower your soul I will teach you to love me, all I desire is an hour of stolen control. I'm a coward I know, as I extol you in showers to replenish the love and, Grow, oh my flower grow! I want you. I need you. You're cherished beloved. My sanity perished forever, and you are the convicted murderer. Stole me of my heart with but one glance, a modern day burglar. I’m confessing, it's depressing, you’re all I think of, a mental possession I'm suggesting my passion and... All you do is call it my obsession." The Natural Painting Lionel finished the charcoal of her hair Now it was time for the red of her lips But no red colour was present there So Lionel gets a sharp knife and nips His vein bleeds the red, the natural paint Dies from the colours that mixed to taint His blood is mixed with acid he dies slow But oh the beautiful lips, they sure do glow  RIP Sir Lionel Lust He Who Forgot to Buy Red Paint |
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08-31-06, 03:14 PM
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#2
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New to RV
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IP: 2C18 68C3
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09-01-06, 03:10 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: 2FC3 39DD
Yeah, this was good, but right away you spelled enthrawl wrong.. thats a text turnoff... especailly at the beggingin... anyways the story was pretty good.. i dont think ive ever left feed on your shit, but whenever i do i notcie that your pieces alwaus lack a complex rhyme scheme.. this time it had apretty good one though.. i hope you lied when you said you were retiring on rb.. because your elevating to very very nice... good piece... hit a link in my signture.
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09-03-06, 01:59 AM
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#4
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New Jack
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IP: B68E 6C98
i mean i started to like it ,but i mean i dont know if it is because im young and i have more to learn cause i didnt understand half of the stuff you was saying
as being poetry ..i think this piece was good but as a verse to a song it was very illliterate and wack |
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09-03-06, 06:48 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 79D7 3125
Quote:
Don't mind me saying this Wiley, but your contradicting yourself.....your saying you didn't understand half the stuff i said but then go on to call me/ my writing illeterate. Seriously, think before you write. |
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09-04-06, 09:03 AM
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#6
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Black Poet
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IP: 860D ECBB
Sup fam long time no see !!
This was a dope drop I liked this bar: I’m confessing, it's depressing, you’re all I think of, a mental possession I'm suggesting my passion and... All you do is call it my obsession." Dope emotion and flow in this bar, nice use of vocab. In all this was a dope verse. Stay up 1~ Last edited by Black Poet : 09-05-06 at 08:32 AM. |
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09-04-06, 10:02 PM
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#7
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
This is a solid peice. Enjoyed the read from start to finish. feeling the originality in your writing. Stay dropping bro
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09-11-06, 10:31 PM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: CF59 D2BE
The 2nd verse really drew me into the song with all of the emotion, then the 3rd verse definately finished this piece perfectly. Extremely clever man. This is the kind of stuff I love to read.
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