I don't expect to get many real replies back on this .. But if U do take the time to read it .. Thanks in advance .. One

Tired to death, outta breath, severly in need of rest
Doin' his best to show finesse, but massa isn't impressed
Neglect, hate is his fate, while he prays to get a break
To exit this state of carryin' weight, hopin' for a dinner plate
Chicken, fried no baked, but he has to wait till it's time to quit
Designed to make massa rich, and supress the lashings of his whip
Losin' grip of his dreams, and it seems he'll never build
But he will continue to ask ..
"God how long till I can leave these weathered fields?"

Stuck in a cell of livin' hell, trapped behind steel bars
Unable to see real stars, yet able to bare real scars
He deals cards, and seems to be fine, judgin' by his outline
But on the in lookin' outside, he hates when they scream "Chow time!"
In his mind he keeps stories 'bout the lives of his dead ancestors
There was Grandpa George, Mammy Esther and their white oppresors
"10 minutes to shower and dress up!" He wishes they'd leave 'em be
But for now he depends on prayers and dreams ..
"God how long until Im free?"

Screamin', cursin' demons along with her man's semen
Leanin' away from the hurt, and more toward the dreamin'
Deep breathin, tryna be strong, yet still swingin' her arms
Sweaty palms, didn't know it took all this hurt to be a mom
Doctors tellin' her to stay calm, not to fight, she'll be alright
Fists clenched tight, from the contractions witnessed thru the night
No baby yet in sight, brain too inflamed to recall the name
Eyes closed prayin', "God how long shall I bare this pain?"

Thunderin' clouds swarm around, while he stands atop the gold brick ground
From a distance U can hear the sounds, of angels yelling in a crowd ..
Of heavenly beings, a castle with arched doors lies at the end of the road
Far from any opera show, the struggles of Jesus Christ are told ..

Headache from all the voices, choices, and unscheduled appointments
Angry cuz his annointment makes ignorin' them more than pointless
Cries to redeem them of pain, other's pleadin' for freedom
Only choosing to believe him in the times that they need him
He's still bleedin' from the nails, and his death failed to prevail
Cuz they're still sinnin', grinnin' while sippin' on mugs of ale
Aiming for hell and laughing, while the thorned crown has him gasping
Close to passing - out, prayin' .. "Father how long until they stop asking?"

hey sup

This was a good drop, i can i felt this.
was a good flow, and very good use of words and it was consistent all the way through.

good stuff

i put up a song earlier today, could do with sum opinions, if u couls plz, laterzzz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112106

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Mc_Russie

Mentill...that was fucking awesome.
I've always thought you were pretty good, and all the stuff I've read of yours has been pretty good. This was fucking awesome.

Excellent piece. All over, the flow, it just kept up, and it wasn't even like you were trying to make it flow...it just did.

Apart from the ending, which was outstanding by the way, this part was great:


Fucking Great Piece Mentill.

Legends!

Thanks Bruk .. The feedbacks definitely appreciated .. Im juss pissed that this is gettin' slept on .. Uppin' for some more feedback .. One

mENTILL I SEE YOUR PROGRESSING IN YOUR WRITING DAILY..I LIKED this piece alot kinda showed the truth in history from the inside not just looking out...The ending was cool because it shows how Jesus Christ went through similar persicution as a man.I always think why would he give his life for me...nothing i've done in the past is deserving of such a gift...and sadly we continue to sin and hate...Im glad you wrote this because the lack of feeling and perception this site has is really sad and at times makes me want to stop the keys from moving...The imagery of the slavery and wheat fields was awesome...just over all a nice piece...great job

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Yeah, Bruk said what was needed to be said, I can't really add ontop of the other comments already given, apart from I was really feeling the imagery and the way you neared the reader into the scene, it was a very well crafted piece, one of the better writers on rb for definite.

Pz man

LMAO at jesus getting headaches from hearing us bitch all the time.
Words cannot describe how muhc I love that concept.
you had decent imagery, and a strong writer's voice. I could feel the emotion coming from each person, which is dope, because each person wasn't you. it's difficult to write about the pain of others.
There were flow issues here and there, it was a bit choppy during jesus's intro, but other than that, twas dope.
Niceness Mentill.

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

damnit...your getting too good...now your only 50x times better than me

GREAT drop here buddy, sorry i dont have much to say about it cause i dont have too much time on my hands

like mentioned before, everything was well done...not noticible flaws

GREAT JOB KID

best ive seen from you in awhile man
good shit
flowed well for the most part..
but thats not really relevant..
the story was the highlight .and how you broke it up into sections and different people and then the end which came round to jesus who is in the exact same postion as them
very original in that aspect
dope
hit mine if u got time

Thanks for the replies peeps .. They are appreciated greatly .. One

This was very ill, .. word up,.. =) .. really good content, & some nice vocab, flowed correctly, really enjoyed this man, ..specially the ending, very good way to close up a writtin, props =)

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Fuck you

MentIll this wus Ment-tobe Ill lol...
anyway yo this wus a dope piece flowed nicely
and the imagery was awsome felt it all the way...
great use of multis and vocab in this piece,
this was really good i Envy you...
overall I think this is one of the best OM's Ive seen
besides penskillz' OMs your there with him on this one...
Pz... o yeah Hit up my OM's Satan's Contract and my newest No Luck I... ThanX...
_-SyaNidal-_...O-U-T out...

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SyaNidal \v/ Diverse

....Tragic..Death..I....

....Tragic..Death..II....

I told this to The Realist before and I'll say it again! you are Dope! no clue why your stuff be gettting slept on!

^Thanks .. Good looks Sya and Edi