http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...546#post1047546

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...580#post1047580

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...613#post1047613


At the age of eleven my only weapon-was-hope,
Never succeeded just fuckin let-them-provoke,
Now I reckon that I'm only steppin-for-coc,
Thats cause motha needed days but only got seconds-ta-cope,
I'm either homeless or homely her selection-was-nope,
Couldnt work no more so the correction-was-dope,
Now on my own alone at home I've been livin-well,
Lookin for homies with lonely tones ta give-em-hell,
Be laughin at mothafucka's when my rythemn-sell,
But fa now gots ta worry bout that prison-cell,
But all my shit still be flowin if I can help-it,
Cause only real mothfucka's get delt-wit,
But now I think that I 'shouldnt-beef' I lost-ma-rage
and you got fuckin 'wooden-teeth' all across-the-stage
Try ta change lanes and end up on the opposite-side,
Had ta pay dearly cause I said I ~want-ta-get-high~,

Check it out boys let me know what u think
peace

Nice multi usage... This is a nice drop... The flow is solid and consistent in ur writtings....

To make this drop better, U can try to make it alot longer and include some captivite wordplay in your verse...


Keep dropping em dogg....

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

you gotta be a writer who just discovered multis since the whole piece was centre on their usage. although they were good multis you sacrificed making sense in order to have them in every line, explore specific topics and stronger vocab and youll be on your way to dopeness.

keep writing.

i agree this was too concentrated on multis, then you even felt you needed to point them out..... you need a broader scheme going... to even it out.... jus work on it...pZ....

good flow short and sweet, like it your vocab was aiight keep droppin...

nICE,Nice,,.....Very Nice........Deep ish..............Got me interested in it................Keep it up and Elevate dawg

__________________
<table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>/\...Corrupted Visions.../\</table><center><select><option>Ripped</option><option>Eki(5-0)</option><option>Aero(5-0)</option><option>Rule(5-2)
</option><option>TheUnderRated(5-1)
</option><option>Origin-Ill(5-2)</center></select><center><select><option>ThrownBack</option><option></option><option></option><option></center></select>

this was dope, flow was cool..nice multies
liked this part the most...

thanks guys, I just wanted too say, It's not too concentrated on multi's... it's just not concentrated at all on meta's or wordplay.
But I appreciate all the Feedback good or bad. peace

good multi's... stay focused

Yeah this was alright i thought.....your structure in this was alright, could use a touch up in a few spots though but it was still good overall.....you had some good multies through out the piece, keep that up....Your flow in this was alright, it stayed on point....keep at it.