Dear god

open to all comments........ jus say y u hated it or liked it and improvementz......ty


[Verse 1]

If I still wrote this letter, would you take it from my heart
My emotions keep on growin an I don’t no where to start
Been involved in many sins, and my life jus falls apart
But im healed-by, work-of-nature and entrusted to your art
Out-of heart-I still repent and, try to make things right
Can’t figure were I’m goin, could you maybe shed some light?
Maybe an insight, so I know which lane to follow
Final-chance to make this right,coz we don’t always have tommorow
Coz life is hollow, once your in-ther, aint know tur-nin bak
Enjoined to-a-path of religion, with the heavens con-tract
An when it seems that the world tends to get the best of you
Need to make that one-step-bak to-get-that, best point of view
The bigger picture, were im goin an-were i went wrong
This 'tape'-jus-carries-on , but this aint for long
So i prolong, repentance - coz-god-is-always there with-me
Kept me livvin thru the ruff tyms, from dangers, wen it hid me
Why cant we spend-time, jus-to-see-what-god-has-blessed-us-with
Insted of,make-up lies, jus-to-believe-wht-god-has-stressed-us-with
They say, All worldy sufferings , wer-really god in-clined
Yet half-of-them cause the pain with ther freedom-thinkin-mind
Wars raged on the innocent , ''we dont need no blood for oil''
Cor-uppted by the secret-lies that hide in turmoil
This term 'oil', seems to be, what only fuels the fire
Casualties of suffering, makin death-tolls race higher
Have you ever witnessed what-went-on, in guantanimo bay?
Payin the price for bein muslims, why do sufferers pay
In 'blood money', the thug money from CIA, exposin-us-crack
Till we becum, mentally addicted, short-of-money,to-pay-em-bak
Never endin struggles got me waitin till the end of time
With fear inside I cannot hide, no wonder why i wrote this rhyme

[Hook]

Do-you, not see all the miracles , in which you livvin in
From the startin of a cell to flesh-bone, teeth and skin
And how the heavens canopies are easily raised-up high
And how the heaviest of white clouds, still float in the sky
How the weather constantly changes, 4 seasons at a time
And the ability to witness this all, with the hu-man mind
So tell me why were ungrateful and wer wage-in, all wars
With other humans jus like us, who are down-on-all-fours
In prayer, coz the next life is, were real livvin begins
A chance in life to win, and free all sinful souls of sin

[Chorus]

I dont intend to use this rhyme, for the lime-light
Was-ted by fake people, that dont-even rhyme- right
Take the spot light, Coz there talking about cream
Insted of thinkin real, struggles-of-a hu-man bein
This world feels like plagerism, cos we copyin other styles
Fake role models in society, who reach out crowds in miles
The truth dont wanna be heard, led like herds of sheep
To early death, when time is set , your - six feet deep
You made the most of this world, only just to pre-tend
But the time is with yor lord-now…what will you say then?

[Verse 2]

Forever does life’s wound blemish, Cities diminished at our feet
Each nation topples continuously, hatred preached on the street
Constant lies just escalate, till there’s, no-room for truth to lead
The children society breeds, lost in pain and lost in grief
From media ties that show us lies to lead us to this beef
Of racial hatred, that’s what fate-did, leedin-us, 6 feet deep
Each major dynasty-lost beneath the golden sands of time
As I pour my heart with these scriptures, that influence my rhyme
For all my sisters out there, bein tortured in distant prisons
Im feelin your pain aswell coz only we can share these visions
Imprisoned for no-just-cause, payin , blood-taxes to the rich
Snitched by leaders they trusted, only turned out, hypocrite
This worlds a game of chess be sure you, make the right moves
Or its check mate on your fate, be sure your careful wen u choose
Every war-revolution-crusade, was fully planned for purpose reason
To take from the poor and feed the rich with $$$$ that is displeasing
When life jus turns to swallow us up, we always face our lord
To ask for more, reminisce on before; yet-repent, when we are board
Coz life has stolen our attention, keeping us busy all the time
From young to old we grow alone, and never look behind
This game is messed up, rappers is constantly talking the same
Things with empty less meaning, yet there cheerin on his name
The ones who preach with truth and skill, to give it what it takes
Are over ridden by gimmicks coz all-the, company want is fakes
Portraying the usual delusions of-only, drugs, violence and sex
Corruptin the mind of millions who-lose their dignity and respect
Regardless of who we are, were-all, suffer-ring the same
Asian, white or black were still, suffer-ring this pain
Its time we stay awake and realise, life don’t last that long
So take these words with meanin, don’t jus see this as a song

[Hook]

Do-you, not see all the miracles , in which you livvin in
From the startin of a cell to flesh-bone, teeth and skin
And how the heavens canopies are easily raised-up high
And how the heaviest of white clouds, still float in the sky
How the weather constantly changes, 4 seasons at a time
And the ability to witness this all, with the hu-man mind
So tell me why were ungrateful and wer wage-in all wars
With other humans jus like us, who are down-on-all-fours
In prayer, coz the next life’s , were real livvin begins
A chance to win, and free all sinful souls of sin

[Chorus]

I dont intend to use this rhyme, for the lime-light
Was-ted by fake people, that dont-even rhyme- right
Take the spot light, Coz there talking about cream
Insted of thinkin real, struggles-of-a hu-man bein
This world feels like plagerism, cos we copyin other styles
Fake role models in society, who reach out crowds in miles
The truth dont wanna be heard, led like herds of sheep
To early death, when time is set , your - six feet deep
You made the most of this world, only just to pre-tend
But the time is with yor lord-now…what will you say then?

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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222347

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222325

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That isnt very good feedback leave better feedback next time but yeah ill still give you feedback

this was a pretty decent drop coming from a new comer i was really feeling the emotions and feeling that was going on.. the structure was also good but to me the style sorta changed in verse 2 =/ ,but yeah it was a pretty good overall drop next time try and shorten your bars..and get your thought across to the reader using the least amount of words.

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tnx for feed most appriciated,,,lool yer ill leave better feed nex tym

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Ok let's see..

I think this drop had it's on and offs, but It was enjoyable. The opening line kind of got to me cause I wonder that sometimes too. On some of the lines the rhyme scheme would be really basic. Like 'blessed us with, stressed us with' could of used a more complex form of rhyming, but it was coo. Overall it was nice to see you dropping something spiritual, and the flow in this was good from what I read. Good job and shit.

ty bro..... yer i rushed this piece coz my original lines,,,,got destroyed so i lost the verses,,,an had to re-write the whole thin

.......came out rushed

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*walks in* hmmmm

yeah the was pretty good... consistant flow... smooth multies... nothing really forced... Lyricallly on point... and a great structure through oiyt... I could really see this being spit, and was saying it in my head the entire way thorugh... I think the hook, & chorus are a bit long though... and won't fit an actual beat unless it's taylored to the song... Seeing as how the verses are both over 16 bars... and most hook slots on a beat are taylored to 4 - 8 bars...

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kul ,ty again,,,,, detailed feedbakz most appriciated,,,


.......needin mor feed

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