Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
11-13-06, 09:58 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RV
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I dont know..... (<- Tha Title)
IP: 9FDA A41D
I don't know what to write anymore
The words have been torn from my throat Ripped off my tongue Snatched from my breath My chest feels heavy I know it's my fault I can't hold a load 10x my weight And this load seems worse than ever God created man Man created fire Fire burned man I'm still burning I can order a meal I can order furniture I can order anything But I can't get my life in order Where to I place the blame? I wish I could place it on the ground Leave it alone Walk away I don't point fingers There's no one to point fingers at When no one did anything wrong to me I'm at fault I can't say sorry How can I? I've said it enough I've said it too much Can I beg for forgiveness? Would forgiveness beg for me? No, forgiveness would leave me I'm on my own Travel the path a thousand feet have travelled Fight through pain a thousand souls have fought Is this the last thing I write? I write not knowing if what I'm doing is right...... LEAVE SOME FEED!!! __________________________________________________ ___ LINX: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...=1#post3106440h http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3106444
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B - E - Z ~Wun~ |
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11-13-06, 06:09 PM | #2 | |||
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IP: 0EFD EEC2
i enjoyed the authenticity of your poem because your thougts are filtered through your writing as real emotion. Even though there isn't alot of it, the imagery is tight. Your diction is good, and your flow is nice too. All-in-All,
I thought your poem was epic. Keep it up.
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11-13-06, 10:45 PM | #3 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 9707 A607
thanks man, preciated....
bump**
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B - E - Z ~Wun~ |
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11-14-06, 01:10 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 3C0A 480A
I enjoyed this read, too. I felt the emotion you were trying to send out. It has me wanting more after every line. Overall, this is a nice piece. Keep at it.
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11-14-06, 03:20 PM | #5 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 9FDA A41D
*truth*
thanks... ill post more as i write it
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B - E - Z ~Wun~ |
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12-03-06, 11:25 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 8AEB 01A9
Good emotion in this. Wasn't feeling much of anything else from this piece, saw a little diction in this. Which was awesome. Overall 7/10
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