jeeeeez....leave feed peeps..

Im almost done with my verse!

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Pretty good.. flow fine, content fine.. only drawback was ya vocab sometimes..

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THUG LIFE, BITCH!

o sry i dditn know we were getting back to this shit....ok ill drop a link...ill edit my verse and drop the link in the bottom one sec..im sry bout that...but anyway uppin while i get that link to troops verse it was tight check it out

coulda upped the vocab and got a lil more complex and complicated
shoot for sumthin another man wouldnt say..but overall i give it an
7/10

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cool shyt here...emotion is sensed......

d.a.

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thanks troop......and newbie...uppin

uppin peoples.....

All i'm gonna say is nice flow and style. 5/10

good drop, emotion is there. vocab could be a bit better, I like this cause In part's I could relate to it.

good drop 8/10

alright..I'm about to destroy your ego...and shame you...I'm sick and tired of seeing this bullshit...you think your good at wordplay..and you think you understand metaphors..but your really not at all....YOU HAVE IMPROVED A TON....but that doesn't say shit..your still a newb...............................I'll explain it all in this verse

Patently my parents have there own beef going On
Flows the opposite way of a song to you its Wrong

okay...patently is an awful word to use...this is a situation where you tried for nice vocab..and it completley backfried...that word doesn't even sound good...and if you met patiently...well..that doesn't even make sense...
now the 2nd line....was decent...it was good...but irrelevant to what your talking about...it was a massive filler...this is the kind of shit you pull all the time


Hopefully they don’t get mad at each other & Leave
If you believed they would to, bust all there Relieve

you made it clear that they fight..which means there gonna be mad at eachother...but overall...your idea was good...than the 2nd line...what the fuck does "bust all there relieve" mean...once again...filler that doesn't make sense..

Basically y’all would receive a patently waiting Gift
Surprisingly you know this is no myth & get my Drift

okay..recieve a patiently waiting gift? or did you use patently again...the first line was awful...completely irrelevant to the topic..however...the 2nd line was better...it was almost like an intro the context of your verse

I don’t believe how I work with this Misunderstanding
So unsuitable to me and how my parents are Demanding

this was pretty good..could have been worded better..but the message got across...not much to complain about

I really do wish these last 4 years were brought Back
So I would spend time with both then just one, its Wack

not bad either...could have been worded better

Moms trying for money off my dad, whats her Problem
And dads always fighting in court, trying to solve Em

this was actually pretty dope...this was good wordplay

I had no say in this like they thought I was Invisible
They thought I was disabled to people none Divisible

first line was good..2nd one was horrible

Its like shit people wake up and see whats goin Down
Mom, don’t forget about my Two brothers & I Frown

first line had nothing to do with the 2nd...but it wasn't bad...2nd line was good..untill the i frown part

The reason why we frown is because you seem to Forget
You leave to Calgary and almost feels like we never Met

you go from saying i frown to we frown...and it was a horrible transition...2nd line was decent though




those are the first few bars...i'm not going to analyze the rest...hopefully you get the message....
basically..what i'm tryin to say is.....you get a lot more credit than you deserve....yes..you have improved a lot...but that doesn't mean your good..at all....and this is by far your best piece...and it's not even that great...it's a bit below average if you want me to be honest...everything has gotten better..but you need to make sure your metaphors..and wordplay...and lines in general...are relevant and meaningful to the story...not just lines that rhyme....

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

holy man...i didnt even take my time doing this....you dont have to get mad....and i never used wordplay in this i know....i elevated after this man..take it easy invision...but uppin

so uppin.......