Umm... 50... Honestly man, you got some good ideas, and that could have made a good topical if you could have put it in to lyrics better... Your long line short line structure isnt working for me at all, killing the flow... And looking at your last bar, it doesnt rhyme in the slightest... You have potential but this topical seriously has a lot of things you can improve on... 4/10.

Valor... Well, i think it started off with a real hot bar, that first one was definetly a good bar to hook the readers in to reading the rest... Should have explained what happened better, i mean, only thing i really know is he was in a car crash, just leaces me with a few questions i guess... By the way the font makes some of your lines look stretched when they really arent, hurtin yaself there... But good topical man... 8/10

V/Valor

Vote Valor...
onesided thorught... not much of un ex[plination to give.... 50 hater killer was poor on all aspects... imagery, emotion... and it wasnt very original... but at least you tried........valor... on the other hand.. tookk control...
Vote >Valor

__________________
Guess who?...

...Paramik Fuckin'...

...Owns You!

v/ Valor

50: Like Verbal suggested go read some open mics here or at RB and you'll see some really dope pieces that'll help you write better. Decent piece, just needs some work.

Valor: Nice verse, liked it quite a bit. Emotion was solid on the piece. Flowed really smoothly, which made this good piece even better. Imagery and Vocab were good as well.

iight homes thnx. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah

__________________
vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

50: you had a decent verse... i expected alot more from you... seeing as though you have come pretty good the past couple weeks.. so i was dissapointed with this verse.. decent imagery, could have been better.. but your structure, flow, emotion, and imagery werent too good in this verse...

overall : 3/10

valor: you had a good verse... good imagery, decent vocab, the emotion was pretty good... good structure, you took this one easily

overall : 8.5/10

vote: valor

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion