Battle Rules:

30 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Topic-close to the edge


TJ VS O.G.

Minimum posts to vote: 300

Check in by: 04-29-05 at 01:14 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

Valor has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-26-05 09:13 PM.

l i n e . has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-26-05 10:13 PM.

Close to the edge

Running through a blazing jungle, footsteps matching heartbeats
Staying discreet, jumping over objects and ducking like frog leap
I breathe deep, hoping not to be seen or my family's in jeopardy
Mentally breaking me, I can't seem to see why I want it violently
Bullets ricochet inside of me... silently ending my expeditions..
Wounds mending themselves, adding definition to my mission
I look for ignition... my soul sparks a fuse and I run for the clear
Musicians playing on the edge of a cliff, the backdrop disappears.
It puts an end to my fears as I reach out to touch these legends
And as our fingers connected, I was singing for hours.. or seconds?
Needless to say I left thousands of impressions on the audience
Camera flashes swirling in ambience, scene transects on a monument.
I bent to see what was written on it... the statue on the edge
Got choked up from what it said.. It appeared that I was dead
Turned to flee back to the forest, which was now cemetery drive
Becoming a priest in my mind… funerals jumping from all sides
I praised these signs and prepared to walk an empty stairwell
But before the ground opened up... I read a eulogy to myself..
I descended to hell, the fire engulfed my lungs – they exploded
The setting imploded, fixing puzzle pieces… and I was noticed
Became important, in this new scene filled with these intellectuals
Archeologically finding differences between reality and biblical
Clinically digging away my day, chipping at bones and boulders
Making me colder, “How many fucking rocks can I fit in a folder”
I grow older, get fed up, standing near the edge, preparing to plunge
All my life accomplishments, wrong? I wish I were young….
The scene fades and the palette mixes together in ambiguous texture
I work my job as a janitor, mopping floors for continuous hours..
Feel like a feather, at least this is a smooth descent for a fake…
Jump from the edge, before I hit ground I awake, leaving nothing in my wake.

..damn.

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Word vote up yo.....................................

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one big thing i noticed is that both of you dont use multis which is an important thing for topicals well i need the normal type of multi but wheres the eternal multis. but this was an close battle both yall flow and stuctures are good emotion is equal. vocab was a bit upped for line but its pretty damn close.

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hmm, interesting battle.....both came out with different angles, which is good.......but HOLY SHIT valor, lol, font was hard on the eyes....nah saying, anyways, this should be a good battle, g'luck both, tomorrow i'll give some decent feedback, my eyes are burning right now......pz

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Voted For: Valor

LINE WHAT DID YOU DO??
Your peice was killer right up untill the last few lines..!!

I read yours second and I was really feeling the waking up in a cemetary after you die theme, it was dope.. But then right at the end you didnt pull together a good conclusion for your peice, it sort of lost it.. -----_____--------

Both of you need to work on using different bar structures more often to switch up your flow because your lacking in assonance, n multi syllable rhyming sequences.. Plus your flows get choppy at times..

But yeah, Valor got the battle.. Only because he stayed on topic and didnt fall off at the end.. It was a shame line man..

Decent battle tho..
Peace.

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RIP jono, peace out bboy.
Pardon Canada Criminal Record Pardons Services Toronto

You obviously didn't understand the ending but meh... the whole story was based in a dream, hence the reason for all the fucked up things happening, then the conclusion was waking up and seeing he has nothing ahhwell

uppp

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upping this shit..................................

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Uppin............................................. ....

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uppin this for a 2nd time

..............
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Voted For: l i n e .

this was a koo read valor, in my opinion a good solid piece, alot of emotion was put into this verse, im surprised it read as well as it did, imagery was ok, you kept to the topic real well, the only thing i didnt quite like about it was the excessive multi's which kinda threw off the verse a bit, only cuz it didnt suit your emotion in the verse, but other then that i thought it was a real good solid read man.good job, props......8/10
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huh, your style is quite unique, i gotta admit i was feeling your verse from start to finish, your wording on the first bar was a bit iffy but other then that your vocab, metas, n straight complexity was really good, this was deffinately way more complex then what i was expecting from ya, im impressed,your ending was very original, i liked your approach on this topic,good work, props to ya........8.5/10
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well, this was damn close, i thought for sure valor had it
with the very emotional verse he presented, but the second verse was complex and was a real"thinker"....both had good drops, but in my opinion line was just more creative with his approach on the topic n had more complexity which i liked.
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no hate, your both good writers.....!
close one, RTF on me vs solo please....

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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
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fake fucks..move on...!