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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-16-05, 09:54 PM
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#1
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-Not On My Level-
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Meant To Be
IP: 6CD7 CCA3
LINK- http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203110
IT HAS COME FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT LIFE HAS A PLAN FOR YOU AND ME EVEN IF THE REASONS FOR GODS ACTIONS YOU AND ME CANT ALWAYS SEE THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON FOR GOOD OR BAD THINGS TO HAPPEN IF ITS FINDING THE LOVE OF UR LIFE OR GUNS POINTED AT U CLAPPING I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF CONFUSED AND ASKING THE SAME QUESTION 'IF THIS WAS MEANT TO BE WHATS NEXT TO HAPPEN' YES ITS TRUE, IT HURTS NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FUTURE HOLDS BUT YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE AND FORGET, FORWARD YOU GOTTA GO IF YOU DONT YOULL BE OVERCOME AND DESTROYED BY YOUR OWN FEAR THEN YOULL FALL INTO A GREAT DEPRESSION AND FEEL NOTHING BUT DESPAIR ITS NOT GOOD TO BE SITTING ALONE IN THE DARK AWAY FROM MANKIND, IVE BEEN THERE YOU THEN GO POOR AND BARELY HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR FOOD AND YOU BARELY GET BY THEN FINALLY YOUR ACTIONS CATCH UP TO YOU AND YOU FINALLY FALL DOWN AND DIE IM TELLING U, THATS ONE PLACE ME OR YOU DONT WANA EVER BE BUT THEN AGAIN THERE IS NO ESCAPING IT IF IT IS 'MEANT TO BE' |
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08-16-05, 09:56 PM
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#2
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 6CD7 CCA3
upping for feedback.......................
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08-16-05, 10:21 PM
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#3
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 6CD7 CCA3
upping this shit...................................
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08-16-05, 10:53 PM
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#4
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
This Was Alright But It Could Have Been Alot Better
Flow Got Off A Lil In The Middle, Try To Use Some Multis It Really Helps Your Flow Alot Emotion Was Ight But You Could Have Gone In Deeper And Made This Alot Better Vocab Real Basic But I Dont Care About That, To Me Vocab Really Has Nothing To Do With Rappin Skill Just Casue You Can Say Big Words And Spell Them Doesnt Mean Your A Good Writer Or Rapper Overall This Was To Basic I Mean Look At The Words That Your Rhyme Real Basic Shit, If Your Structure And Rhymin Is Basic You Got To Have Alot Of Emotion In It And Tell A Story Of Somesort, Or Just Throw In Big Words That No One Will Understand Then Everyone Will Love You Lol Just Joking Bout That Part 5/10 Average Keep Writin I Know Your Just Learnin How To Write Topicals And Shit You Will Get Alot Better In A Short Time
__________________
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08-16-05, 11:55 PM
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#5
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 6CD7 CCA3
thx........upping................................. .
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08-17-05, 11:57 AM
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#6
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 2027 DE23
uppin.............................................
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08-17-05, 02:12 PM
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#7
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
An aight drop dawg.....concepts was aight.....but your structure was off and vocad a bit to basic.....i dont like how you used capitals
 Keep elevating dawg u will get as good as me 1 day lol j/k 6/10 |
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08-17-05, 02:13 PM
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#8
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**the council**
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IP: A10D F0FC
this was quite a deep piece, however you could have expanded more on the topic....come more complex with it.....improve your rhyme scheme because in this piece you were rhyming simple words so upp your vocab......work on all that and your pieces will become much more deeper....keep it up....
__________________
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08-17-05, 02:14 PM
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#9
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 2027 DE23
thx....................upping for more feedback.........
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08-17-05, 04:11 PM
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#10
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~Real Rookie Of The Year~
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IP: 3240 794D
This was coo I like reading pieces like this cause they make me think this was hot I liked the vocab and wordplay dope shit this gets a 7.5/10 keep this up foe!
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08-17-05, 04:14 PM
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#11
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 0D2F 5926
thx.....................upping.................
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08-17-05, 08:24 PM
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#12
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: D585 C0EE
upping......................................
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08-18-05, 10:43 AM
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#13
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: AB07 3993
upping............................................ .........
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08-18-05, 12:14 PM
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#14
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
Poetry doesn't have to rhyme people!
Good piece, didn't like how you used capitals but other than that it was good. You could've gone a little more into detail here and there actually. Some insightful lines in there, conscious things that you wrote in here, truth spoken. Vocab might be improved but that's no biggie. Emotion was there, no imagery piece though. Might add some more pictures next time you know. 'IF THIS WAS MEANT TO BE WHATS NEXT TO HAPPEN' ^favorite line...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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08-18-05, 04:17 PM
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#15
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Out-Spoken
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IP: EA53 D1FB
You need to elevate a lot on your poetry. There wasn't much about this that stood out, Your imagery was lacking, metaphors were lacking, message was alright but the substance that you tried to convey the message with was lacking...Over all, you just need a lot of work on your descriptive imagery, and metaphors. Once you figure those out...You'll be saying langston who's...
haha..get it...langston hughes.....alright..that was funny... keep your head up
__________________
Seek & Destroy We have fun in my basement Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate. "watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew
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