My girlfriend and I were getting married.
There was only one thing bothering me, and that was
the Bride's Maid. She was a very beautiful and sexy
woman. She sometimes flirted me, and it made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over to
check the invitations.
So I went. She was home alone, and when I arrived she
whispered into my ear that she wanted to make love to
me before I married her best friend.
I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
So she said, "I'll go upstairs to the bedroom, if
you're up for it, just come and get me."
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and
went to the front door... I opened it and stepped
outside.
There was my Bride-to-be with tears in her eyes, she
hugged me and said, "I'm so happy, you have passed my
test. I couldn't have asked for a better man to marry."
Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in the car.

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<center>The Internet Sucks!</center>

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bar tender says, "Sir, do you realize you have a steering wheel on your pants?"

The pirate says, "Ay, and it's driving me nuts."

there a banana a penis and a salad

the banana says I have the worst life they peel my skin off and eat me

the salad said no I have the worst life they toss me up and cut me

and the penis said (laughing) 'is ganna kill ya' the penis said (Laughing) the penis goes..........................................HEY wait what did the penis say

lmao funny stuff

Word^^^ Also something to live by.

i dont get it

Sigh,

The Penis said, "My life is the worst. My master puts a bag over my head and forces me to do push-ups until I puke."

Ok, so this guy is hitchhiking and has been waiting for quite a while. Finally a trucker stops and picks him, and when the guy gets in he notices that the trucker has a monkey sitting on the dashboard, but the guy doesn't say anything. After a while his curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks about the monkey. The trucker chuckles and says watch this, then he smacks the monkey in the head, and it jumps down unzips his fly, and starts giving him a blowjob, after he is done the monkey wipes hip off, zips up his pants and gets back on the dashboard. The hitchhiker says wow! that was great, and the trucker responds, do you want to give it a try? The Hitchhiker say, "I guess so, but you dont have to hit me so hard."

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<center>The Internet Sucks!</center>

Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles
and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug
consumption problem all over the earth.
After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that
in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try
the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to
proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of
some of the members return to earth to get the different types
of drugs.
The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus,
waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew ?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John ?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Luke ?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas ?"
"The FBI, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!"

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<center>The Internet Sucks!</center>

^^^Hey Wait A Minute, That Sounds Like My Life

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

There's Some Pretty Funny Jokes In This Thread

Funny How KGM Is Posting All_Of Them

~1~

What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?


It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

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What did God say to Jesus?


"I don't care if you are my son, drop that cross one more time,
and you're out of the parade."

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what did the blind, deaf, mute, retarded kid get for christmas?


























cancer!