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01-05-04, 01:50 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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Its Not A Game
IP: 8622 C810
Oye, Madre, down here, I'm n ur stomach
U 2 months pregnant now... do you even know yet? What are you gonna tell daddy? Shhh...shes tellin him...why is he yellin so loudly? Why is he tellin you he dont want me? And why are you sayin i'm a mistake and your sorry? I've been here 3 months now I cant wait to Be born to see ur pretty smile Waiting in here, i hear you talkin to me every once in a while I'm listenin to daddy tell you he can solve this mess Hes sayin "just go to the doctors and i'll take care of the rest" He said he wants you to have an abortion. why is he saying this? Are you gonna do it? Please dont hurt me and do somethin stupid Now,we're at the doctor's office He's explainin to u how he can stop dis Madre, Por favor dont kill me!! Dont let them hurt me It's not my time to go Theres so much things out there for me to know your not gonna give me a chance for mi amor to show? your turnin against your own blood your showin me everything but love Maybe its best if i dont get to know you I wish u could hear what im thinkin your scary!! you cant even face a baby!! Before i go..I still love you, even though you didnt feel tha same Its funny how all this to you is just a game. ****this is for all the young girls thinking life is a game you wanna act grown but not pay the price what would you have done if your madre said the same thing about you not giving your body a chance to be free then where will you be **** life never seems so fun when all is said and done ****thanx for takin the tyme to read this i mean its tha most emotional piece i have so far the reason being is that mi dad didnt want me tha onlee difference is that mi mom still kept me but ne wayz much love uppin fo sum feedbak~alratoz~**** Last edited by latinqueenpoet : 01-05-04 at 11:52 AM. |
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01-05-04, 09:00 AM | #2 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
The somewhat original content here while creative and actually brilliantly written in some places, was overthrown by the use of '2' and 'B4' etc.. Using abbreviations like this really does your writing no justice at all. Maybe as you are writing it first draft.. but certainly not as a finished product.
Your idea was great.. and as I said in some places it excels, creatively speaking, but try and word it properly. If you want respect for your work, you must show respect for your work. Language is a powerful tool if used correctly.
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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01-05-04, 11:53 AM | #3 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 8622 C810
^^^thanx for tha feedbak i edited it much love ~alratoz~
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04-07-04, 04:41 AM | #4 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 3EC9 2F38
Okay I Want U To Know Somethin Gurls Don't Get Themselves Pregent Okay Guys Do Have A Part In It.........so Don't Make This To The Gurls Make It To The Guys Cause They Have To Stick It Uppin!
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so what chicks can rap too/ u won't battle me cause i can beat u/ |
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