Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-11-04, 04:18 PM | #1 | |||||||
Middle Weight
|
inspirations chain
IP: 70B7 6084
He gets inspired:
He battles with crawling arms and is subdued wanting to pursue but his blows are so crude that he has no other resort but to withdraw so he goes home and lays his body in sprawl his mentality dying slowly like a diseased bird wings fluttering and bending in ways absurd it falls out of heaven and closes its eyes to rest dies and cries into the earth making a crest suddenly the creature is brought back to life it gets up, looks at the sky then begins to strife he reflects on his being and then he drops tears because since a kid he’s been addicted to beer so he stays up and really thinks about it his mind clouded and thoughts crowded a drink, he’s never gone a day without it I'll stop drinking!, to himself he shouted so he trotted the bottom of the dark city and he kept thinking about his mentality he came to a poor apartment building he stared in a window, saw a man beating a child, a toddler barely the age of five a mother running to the sound of a cry she shielded him from the fathers abuse but to a grim way, it was of no use so the coward man with bottle in hand beat the woman till she couldn’t even stand took the child and threw him against a wall he cried as his mother slowly crawled she picked herself up and stood by the child the coward continued to hurt with actions wild the scene of the unjust was to hard to bare so horrible that he could no longer stare the child, so bad did he want to help him but instead he ran and left them abandoned back to his hole where he would try and forget but that night was one that he will always regret as morning came he again passed the apartment a gruesome scene, he had a chance to part it but instead he has to witness the victims problems of life, and he coulda fixed 'em the boy was dead and so was the mother the man cried again at the thought of her he left the scene behind but it would always remind of the night of his life that he could have been kind... again back to his hole where he would wonder could he have helped if he was only a bit stronger? so the inspiration came to him in a strange way the plot of his destiny was set so damn stray he was inspired, he would now get a job he wouldn’t have to find someone to rob the mother inspired him for that he became an officer and moved up the ranks he became a great man with great strength now he would have the greatest of friends he helped many people and saved many souls suddenly it didn’t seem so hard to overcome obstacles he thought of others and his heart grew in size as a sacrifice to the poor child’s demise to his life, the mother and child made a great part because the coward was the one he fought from the start....... this was written for a topical battle but i still wanted to see wat yall thought of it.
__________________
Po'Ethics.
|
|||||||
01-12-04, 04:49 PM | #2 | |||||||
Middle Weight
|
IP: 7B2D 5EB6
cmon, some one has to give me sum feedback...uppin
__________________
Po'Ethics.
|
|||||||
01-12-04, 04:56 PM | #3 | ||||
That's Right...I'm White
|
IP: F085 1562
that was a pretty good peice, i only read bout half it, cause it was to long for me haha, but what i read was pretty good, vocab was pretty good, and it flowed nicely. keep it up and keep elevation, look forward to seein some more from you
peace Last edited by Krem : 01-12-04 at 05:16 PM. |
||||
01-12-04, 05:01 PM | #4 | |||||||
Middle Weight
|
IP: 7B2D 5EB6
oh, i was hoping ppl would read it all. i think that if ppl would read it all that they would find it a better piece. peace
__________________
Po'Ethics.
|
|||||||
01-16-04, 02:16 PM | #5 | ||||
shawty"B"
|
IP: C1DA C961
yo i really like this...i did read it all the way thru and i liked it alot.... how long did this take yah 2 make? its really a gud peice that can prove a point.
|
||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|