RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-15-05, 09:30 PM   #1
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
Posts: 657
Joined: Nov 2005
From: Ole' Harrisburg Pa
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Day at Sea.

IP: B3D0 327D

Day at Sea



Left so early,
feels like yesterday
you were here.
Commiserating, just us
laughing so hard
we shed tears.

We did everything,
no seperating us
anywhere we went.
One childish tiff
started a feud,
friendship was bent.

Refusing to speak,
turn our heads
when we pass.
Three long weeks,
our difference interrupted
discussions in class.

Valiantly you appologized,
bigger than I,
for i'm weak.
Revengefully showed spite,
snide remarks when
ever we'd speak.

But horror strikes,
and unexpectedly you,
lost your life.
The tragic outcome,
really wasnt worth,
our meaningless strife.

Reflecting our conflict,
I'm disgusted with,
all my actions.
I was tainted,
Mesmerized by revenges
unresistable attraction.

Leading to this,
quietly sitting here,
with ashes of thee'.
Drifting further away,
granting your wishes,
burial at sea.

Dry thine' eyes,
glimpse to the skies,
it was my fault.
Throw your remains,
Anchor pulling me,
Breathing comes to a hault.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R.I.P. Travis. 1 love, your always in my prayers.
__________________
- Chryme Syndicate -
so
- S T F U -

My Literature
Send a message via AIM to Po' Wit.   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-05, 09:39 PM   #2
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
Posts: 657
Joined: Nov 2005
From: Ole' Harrisburg Pa
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: B3D0 327D

__________________
- Chryme Syndicate -
so
- S T F U -

My Literature
Send a message via AIM to Po' Wit.   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-05, 11:38 PM   #3
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
Posts: 657
Joined: Nov 2005
From: Ole' Harrisburg Pa
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: B3D0 327D

Please dont sleep on this. Its a good piece!
__________________
- Chryme Syndicate -
so
- S T F U -

My Literature
Send a message via AIM to Po' Wit.   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-05, 10:21 PM   #4
Valor
A Reflection Of The Past
 
Posts: 2,765
Joined: May 2004
From: inside your nightmare's
Status: Offline
Text Record: 20-8
IP: 2029 97B3

good read fath the flow of this gave it a freeverse attitud3e with a smooth rhyme sceme so i was definatly feeling that aspect of the piece, the structure was good, decent average vocab, the concept i heard before but its not really to the point to say it's played, id say the ending was my favorite area of the piece it was just a nice clean safe way to end a good piece.
__________________
Crhyme Sindicate
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-05, 10:29 PM   #5
[♡]_Fuck_you_ho
♡»..::[[.вlιиgαα.]]::..«♡
 
[♡]_Fuck_you_ho's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,965
Joined: Mar 2004
From: ☆•°•☆яαρvεяεѕε☆•°•☆
Status: Offline
IP: 0EAE 2566

.. Very Nice Well Thought Out ... Piece It Was Good To Say Thes Least Although You Could Have 'Improved' In Some Areas ... Yet It Wasn't At All Bad I Found It To Be Quite 'Enjoyable' Reading... And I Felt The Emotions That Went On In This 'Work' Fairly Nice ... There Was Decent Vocab, Although That Wouldn't Have Been My Choice In Format... Yet I Do Understand Everybody Has There Own Technique ... And I Do Admire That ... Again - It Was A Nice Piece Of Work.
__________________
|[. You're annoying. Fuck off .]|

Send a message via MSN to [♡]_Fuck_you_ho Send a message via Yahoo to [♡]_Fuck_you_ho   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:19 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.