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05-14-03, 03:11 AM | #1 | |||||||
Spectator
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Leave Me Be
IP: 05AF CA25
Leave Me Be.
Inside I am but a mass Of tumultuous emotion. My hearts breath shortened With it’s relentless sobbing. Tears merging with tears Flooding the ocean of humanity Struggling to survive within me. Generations of sorrow have Served, Only to fuel my Inability to trust, and Dampen my desire to love. My exhaustion is complete. I am now but an emptiness, A void of confusion. Do not dare to venture Within my heart For your soul in turn will be Crushed by the great Sadness it will discover. I may be enveloped in loneliness, Swaddled in faithlessness And content in lovelessness, But never will I be merciless. So hear me now and Heed my warnings fellow man- Past me by in the street, Do not gaze into my dark eyes. It is your soul I wish to spare. My heart is frozen for an eternity; As inviting as death itself. Walk on, leave me to Pity myself in my great sorrow. Leave me be. Leave me. |
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05-16-03, 12:52 AM | #2 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
I wonder why no one else has responded to this one. I thought it was pretty good. I'm no expert on poetry but I know what I like reading. I liked how the lines were short on this but it was still descriptive.
"For your soul in turn will be Crushed by the great Sadness it will discover. I may be enveloped in loneliness, Swaddled in faithlessness And content in lovelessness," I liked that part the most |
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05-17-03, 10:33 PM | #3 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: A8F3 8225
Thanks Legendary
__________________
Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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05-18-03, 02:08 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 251A 2268
the first word that comes to mind is
despair. So I've found a writer... this was good. My hearts breath shortened With it’s relentless sobbing. Tears merging with tears Flooding the ocean of humanity Struggling to survive within me. ^^ this segment is gorgeous.... I love connection between tears and ocean.... and flood. I always saw tears as the link between emotion and biological life. the salt in tears reminds me of the ocean... and to be flooded (in a negative way) by something so life giving.... I fucking loved that segment. This was very personal but not in a superficial way. I did not need to know why he is like this or how or what led up to this.... he just is and the mood and writing is strong enough to sustain the complexity involved of describing a simple state of being. The way the narrative came across was great. He was giving instructions... nearly too much for me to handle. But one can see the goodness in him just by the fact that he cares to warn people and share himself. He thinks himself a monster and by that recognition the subject of the poem is brought back to the innocence of chidhood. Not because he is innocent, but because he is to be forgiven. wonderful. Peace
__________________
I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale. |
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05-18-03, 11:19 PM | #5 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 05AF CA25
Wow, Thanks Philo... Im almost speechless at your beautiful reply.. You understood this verse like no one has before..in fact , almost giving myself new insight into it...
I wrote this at a time when I was feeling the despair, and its always been one of my favourites, hence my first post on here. You know how sometimes, you have an idea, but feel you are forcing the words onto paper, well this piece I feel, wrote itself.. it was my heart and my soul broken, and speaking through me.. I didnt have to think, there was no second draft needed... and when i read it, I felt like I was discovering myself as well as healing.. and thats what my work is to me- a healing process...Not only from things that happen to me personally, but acceptance of the world and the way it is, and facing it head on. Thanks again
__________________
Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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05-20-03, 02:14 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 59AD 8C08
I'm glad to here that... writing should do that for more people.
This difference with this piece from other "words poured out onto paper" piece's is that this is good. keep healing.
__________________
I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale. |
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