Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
08-23-05, 08:13 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RV
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unfinished
IP: 489C D2BA
This is a taster - It should be finished there are lots of holes in it. I have had the idea for a while and for some reason I cannot find it on my computer. I am not impressed. This is very basic sorry - just be honest - it was written in response to my ex's rap - weak. I did not like how even though he cheated he was able to survive his girl in a crash and rap about how he was
"weak cos I love ya hold no one above ya friend and my lova creep under your cova oh baby please come back" I decided to turn the tables and twist up the table - the concept was really good - the outcome is unfortunately not this but similar. a bit is not added cos Im tired at the moment and I think I might fluff up the thing even more. So criTic don't hold back. You were my friend and my lover shared everthing together said there was no other crept out of my cover found another lover hoped I won't discover you and she together thought we were forever Can't say it was perfect but I knew where we stood there was pain and conflict but some times were good our love was stunted when you got what you wanted It's been six months and I try to lead a peaceful life without you here to cause me strife but then I hear you cry a thousand tears I swear I saw you by the stairs when I do I try and pretend to erase my fears cos I want to lead a normal life but then I hear you call my name I look at the ring that you gave me to be your wife then my heart flutters and fills with despair I know now that You can't rest cos your stuck and your sorry your in a tight spot sickened cos you lost all your glory finish later might have it stored on audio
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Poisenous_Tongue |
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08-23-05, 08:18 PM | #2 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Drop a link or this will be closed
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The Competition
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08-23-05, 08:27 PM | #3 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
:\ Nah. Not good. Seems like poetry, because a lot of it doesn't rhyme, but I can't see much poetic concepts.
So, 5/10. 'cause I love you. |
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08-24-05, 08:12 AM | #4 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Two things em yes it is poerty Deamon and if you can't see the concepts
dont comment,.... Dam. Alright sis I thought this was really good, it flowed really well regardless of what Dea said at times u lost it but in poetry it dont matter which is what this verse clearly is. Vocab was alright I thought but elevation is needed, Strc was alright as well I felt the meanin of this verse and the message you was putting across. Stay up 1~ |
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08-27-05, 01:39 PM | #5 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 5CA0 A20C
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Poisenous_Tongue |
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08-28-05, 04:13 AM | #6 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 5285 DC82
this is ok, could be a bit beter .. but i liked the read
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DIRTY RECORDS
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08-28-05, 06:39 AM | #7 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 8B05 5CCD
thank you - I understand where you are coming from - it's good that there is entertainment value there
It in my eyes is very weak, cos it was done from memory and really late at night and I had work early in he morning. Thanks again
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Poisenous_Tongue |
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08-28-05, 02:49 PM | #8 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
*Closed no link*
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The Competition
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