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08-01-05, 08:54 AM | #1 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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Sixth Sense vs. Still Motion
IP: 1EAF 3328
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em... Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Solitude
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-01-05, 09:04 AM | #2 | ||
Banned: For Being So Fly.....lol....my new account is Triple Sixes....
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IP: 0D11 88C9
Topical Check 1,2,1,2 Sixth's back to business lets go....aye.....lol...g/l...
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STARTING 2MORROW I WILL BE TRIPLE SIXES THATS GON BE MY NEW ACCOUNT SO THATS ME AIGHT CUZ IM SO FLY......LOL |
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08-01-05, 09:47 AM | #3 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 3037 50B7
Yeah check man. G'luck.
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08-02-05, 07:44 AM | #4 | ||
Banned: For Being So Fly.....lol....my new account is Triple Sixes....
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IP: 0D11 88C9
Dark and cold night the weather whistles together
As I thought of the past, love entered my soul forever To come and to think I could ever have a good relation Like some chemicals endangered my skin like a mutation Loneliness feared my heart as I feared the ample of suspects As this event was my destiny and I had to fulfill my prospects Like the yesterdays of the days pasts and the future of tomorrow Alone in the darks of the woods of my body I started to feel sorrow As my feelings started to feel and my actions started to act I saw facts I tried movement, the heart started to attack, like if i just had a cardiac But yet I wasn’t saying my goodbyes like if I was about to leave and just die I saw the light at my eyes and there I felt a cold wind past me by, intensified My mind in a way that I could actually feel the happiness of the clown laughter As this moment I wanted to have a Kodak picture to have the best to just capture ............ohhhhh no i just fell apart......... my heart..... had no feeling to restrain ...............i fell and stained This was made believe im not like this im insane..... the loneliness made me picture this in the asylum walls... .....couldnt even call.....with a broken jaw..... the structure fell apart and i think..... i was about to just lose in such cases .......................................of my own solitude
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STARTING 2MORROW I WILL BE TRIPLE SIXES THATS GON BE MY NEW ACCOUNT SO THATS ME AIGHT CUZ IM SO FLY......LOL |
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08-05-05, 02:22 PM | #5 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 3037 50B7
The road of life is bumpy when you cant see ahead Highways trapped in my head, scripted in lead As my senses travel these confusing roads As truckloads of info crash and explode The glare wearing away my retinas and erodes Into dust that settles into brail code I go to feel, but my skins melting from the flames Hardening into casts signed with unknown names The aftershock short circuits my ear drums Neurons go haywire, my senses go numb With wires surgically inserted into my soul But they cant pull me out of this hole Secluded within the walls of my skin Couldn’t frown as paralysis set in Numbed to hugs and Deaf to sweet words, Blind to smiles, muted thoughts forever I’m lost among the maze of my mind As my brain’s wrinkles straighten into lines Forever to travel this labyrinth alone To roam blindly in paths unknown But it hurts when you can’t tell you’ve been walking in circles.
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08-05-05, 03:17 PM | #6 | |||
Skadoosh!
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IP: 5BD6 BC30
good battle..........
i was feeling both verses, both looked good in their own right.....still motion had a clean structure to his piece making his verse flow very well throughout, it was also clear and concise delivering a nice take on the topic, the vocabs in his verse were nice although not as consistent as it cud be, in places it fell off and the complexity wasn't as high as it was to begin with, the best part of the verse i feel was the opening as it showed nice vocabs and imagery with some good emotion in it to.......then sixth sense had a strange structure, especially how it broke up in the end, but there was a line about the structure coming apart and if you meant the structure to be chopped to empower that line then it was dope, other than that you had real nice vocabs in your verse, again though cud be more consistent, i do think that you delivered a better picture to the reader with your verse and the emotion in your piece was above that of still motion. V/ - Sixth Sense plz RTF honestly in my tournament battle.... LINK: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202505 |
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08-05-05, 05:46 PM | #7 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
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IP: B12C B172
Sixth Sense - I thought your verse was pretty cool. I like what you did with the structure... until the end ....................... doesnt really please me to much, lol... You had a nice twist, a pretty decent idea, so your creativity was there. I felt that your flow was on, on some points... but kinda fell a little on the others... It was still a good write though. you worked well with the topic.
Still Motion - I also liked your write as well... Not as creative, but you had alot better imagery than sixth had. Your vocab was decent, but your bar leangth was lacking for the most part. I felt that if some lines were expanded and filled in more, it would have help you out. I also like what you did with the topic. Somewhere near the end, the flow seemed a little ruff, but other than that it was good... It was well put together, your structure looks very presentable... and you dont have a bunch of fillers, so I gotta give you that at least... ( Trust this was a very hard vote ) vote - Still Motion Conclusion - This was a very hard vote, but me personaly I felt Motions more... I dont know if others might think different, but ohh well... It was a very close battle and my best wishes goes out to both of you in this battle...
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Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
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08-06-05, 08:58 AM | #8 | ||||
The Truest TRUTH
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IP: 0D11 88C9
up............up..............uppin this..........
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[CENTER] |
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08-06-05, 10:53 AM | #9 | |||||
The Epitome Of Greatness
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IP: 3240 794D
Sixth Sense:
I felt your piece was ok. The emotion was on track, but the imagery needed to be more descriptive. I want to feel the words you write, not just read them. Your structure was a little bad, but nonetheless your verse was good. Creativity was there, and you followed the topic well. Overall: 6.4/10 Still Motion: Your verse was ok. I felt you should have wrote more, and got deeper into the subject. I really didnt like how you approached the topic, i think you could have wrote something more rellevant. But all in all you had a decent verse. Good imagery, and decent emotion which also could have been more indepth. But still you did good. Overall: 6.2/10 Vote: Sixth Sense Close battle but sixth pulled this one out.
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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion |
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08-06-05, 11:23 AM | #10 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 3B5E 91B9
Sixth Sense: I like your approach of the topic even though I felt you could have gone more into detail, especially about the last part. The structure made it kinda weird to read at times but nothing too bad though. Your flow was sorta choppy cause your lines kept increasing length-wise, that kinda threw me off you know. The emotion was there, could've used more deeper pictures to portray it maybe but overall it gave off a pure and vivid vibe. Vocab was on point, might be upped here and there but overall, solid piece!
Still Motion: I prefer your approach over the one Sixth Sense used but that is pure personal opinion I suppose. Your piece had a real poetic feeling to it, left room for the readers to think about certain things you said. You had good level of emotion expressed throughout clear pictures which I definitely liked. The vocab was there, not too basic but not too complex either. Your flow was good: had short lines with some internal rhyming. I love how you added the last line, it really finished off your piece you know. Nice one... In the end, my vote goes to Still Motion because I was feeling his just a little bit more. Close battle though, both dropped good!
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-06-05, 12:50 PM | #11 | |||||
You Cant Handle The Truth
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IP: BF3B EF89
Sith Sense.....
To come and to think I could ever have a good relation Like some chemicals endangered my skin like a mutation ^ definetly liked that a lot, it was the 1st thing that stood out as I red your piece... Like the yesterdays of the days pasts and the future of tomorrow ^ that line would've been better if it wasn't repetative, we know that "yesterday" and "days past" are the same, you should've done it more abstract and related your past thoughts of the future and vice versa for the next part... As my feelings started to feel and my actions started to act I saw facts I tried movement, the heart started to attack, like if i just had a cardiac ^ more lines that's kinda repetative in content, we know "actions" "act" so you shouldn't actually SAY that...and "cardiac" is the medical terminology for "heart" so that's repeating yourself too... from there down the piece was nyce, I liked the imagery in it and how you changed the scenery to everything else being a dream seQuence...pretty nyce work cuz the rest of this saved the entire thing from those middle bars... [color]Still Motion.....[/color] Secluded within the walls of my skin Couldn’t frown as paralysis set in ^ that stood out a LOT to me, the wording of it was great... Numbed to hugs and Deaf to sweet words, Blind to smiles, muted thoughts forever ^ more hott lines, I could "feel" this happening, you described the emotion in those words perfectly VOTE (by far): Still Motion |
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08-07-05, 12:41 PM | #12 | ||||
The Truest TRUTH
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IP: 0D11 88C9
Uppin this for more votes plz......cmon mmore votes......
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08-07-05, 12:49 PM | #13 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: D40E 67D5
ayo man real was feelin both of you peeps drop homie both cats were ill man i liked this battle it had nice approaches and lyrics involved.....sixth man i like how you formed ur structure and ur vocab....emotion was aight too
still motion man u had a nice drop to same shit i said to sixth it goes for you too but for the emotion man reall still motion just edged you sicth a lil bit more so my vote goes too...still motion!
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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08-07-05, 08:24 PM | #14 | ||||
The Truest TRUTH
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IP: 0D11 88C9
i dont want l.veracity or showdown votes to count cuz i had beef wit them against reality check so dont make them count.....so for me it is still tied....2-2.....really...if u want proof ill show u it but trust me i had beef with them.....
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08-08-05, 01:41 AM | #15 | |||
Skadoosh!
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IP: A6B3 421B
funny how after L.Veracity voted 6th sense still upped it for more votes not caring cuz there was only one vote still in it, but then when it became a 2 vote gap he asked for both to be removed...........not to hate on you cuz we cool and shit so dont take offense from this but just take the loss man.
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