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Old 11-26-03, 09:40 PM   #1
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4 da ladies
jackass
open woundz


heres a little story i'm about to tell/
i makin' it up as i go so, what the hell/

Mike was a good kid, never really stood out/
his parents treated him like a girl scout/
all he did was go to school, and stay at his home/
his parents flipped when they found he got stoned/
they took away his privelidges, like he had any/
through his head, suicidal thoughts, he had many/
he decided to accept his jail -like restrictions/
he thought he could hold back the knife from incision/
or hold back the 22 from loading ammuntion/
soon, after groundation was ended/
the rules again, he started rebendin'/
this time it was cocaine, he had the money to buy it/
his parents yelled at him, he thought it was a riot/
they sent him to boot camp and when he got back/
he took the 12 gauge, off his fathers gun rack/
he sat on his bed, he thought about death/
he came to a conclusion and put his mind to rest/
later that day his mom went up to check/
all she saw was his bloody ass neck/
she regretted not giving him room to ever breathe/
the guilt built inside her and she grabbed the keys/
started driving to the lake where her husband was fishin'/
got coastin really fast and turned off the ignition/
she caught him at 40 instantly he died/
he never heard it coming until the crack of his thigh/
the wife drove into the lake, not even thinking twice/
except that it would've been easier to go out with a knife/

mike needed drugs to have fun in his life/
his parents were the ones that unsheathed the knife/


out like a newborn
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Old 11-27-03, 12:14 AM   #2
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feed back plz
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Old 11-27-03, 12:38 AM   #3
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lol... Dunny, I Like's It , that was creative... and you fliped some good lines.... Keep @ it..
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Old 11-27-03, 12:46 PM   #4
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feedback people, c'mon
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Old 11-27-03, 04:27 PM   #5
Menik
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Yeah this was pretty good man....you seemed to structure it pretty well it looked good to me....the flow in this piece was pretty good it stayed pretty consistant i thought didnt get off too much....overall id say this was a good piece, worth the read...keep at it.
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Old 11-27-03, 09:13 PM   #6
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to da top
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Old 11-28-03, 02:12 AM   #7
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c'mon people, uppin'
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Old 11-28-03, 03:27 AM   #8
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that was a good peice I liked the read on it.. nyce topic...8/10

Peace Out Kuz
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Old 11-28-03, 01:10 PM   #9
Kclipz 4 Murkin
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this was nice the lines flowed very well youve improoved a good amount nate good job nice topic word play was decent id give this 8/10 good job lookin for more peices man
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Old 11-28-03, 04:07 PM   #10
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hey just for fun, wanna battles klipz
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Old 11-28-03, 04:44 PM   #11
Kclipz 4 Murkin
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oh u wanna battle meh?
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Old 11-28-03, 05:19 PM   #12
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yeah, i need something on my record, even if it is a losing point
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Old 11-28-03, 05:21 PM   #13
WORD~PERFECT
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THIS WAS A GREAT READ TWIN I LIKED ALL YOUR ANGLES AND ASPECTS
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Old 11-28-03, 11:53 PM   #14
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^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^uppin'^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^
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Old 11-29-03, 12:05 AM   #15
High Class
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I wasnt feelin this that much. It was to simplistic, and had to simple of a rhyme scheme. You have alot of potential hommie. And for a free write its good. It didnt really catch my attention though. Keep elevatin playa.

5.5/10

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion
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