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-Jimmy- (real Emotional Shit)
Jimmy: Now Jim Was A man about twenty Years Old..... Homeless, Hands Frozen From the Freezing cold.... His Whole Life he had to beg for For Knickles and Dimes.... Hasnt had a thing to eat since Last Week sometime... He had A daughter, But he had never met her before... her name was hard to say something like Mary-able.... he Pulled out the gun that he found in the trash.... Jim planned to rob a bank, he needed the cash.... he stood By the pay Phone Askin for quartors... When he got one he called-up his good friend Norton... Who's This? Norton Strongly Replied.. Jim Said, "meet me outside at a quarter past five.... Norton Agree'd and the conversation ended... and he arrived within 50 or 60 seconds.... Both Strapped they walked in the Bank.... Arms up and No body gets Shanked.... Everybody Quickly screamed and Dropped To the floor.... jimmy demanded that they open the safe door... About ten minutes after the sirens were clear.... Nort screamed Lets get the fuck outta here... Too late, they had the place surrounded with feds... nort looked up and saw a red dot on his head... POP gun shots fired and Norton was Dead.... Jimmy Grabbed a bitch and said NOBODY MOVE.... Or after this whore Im gonna Kill you.... Police Bustin in. Jim was Losing his Cool... Shot the bitch in the head and it became a blood pool... He turned the girl over and read Her Last name.... Jimmy dropped in tears, their last name was the same... He had knew who he had killed he killed his daughter.... Voices running through his haid saying "You shot her" Jimmy got up One Bullet left in the Chamber.... Screamed in pain and Released his anger.... ten seconds after he was layin beside his kid.... with the one bullet let he shot himself in the head.... next time you comit a crime remember who it is... because little do you know, you could be shootin your kid Jimmy Is Now Burning With the devil but he still has this.... Jimmy A human be-ing died, But the gun, still lives.... He made the wrong move, something he knew god wouldn't forgive.... You didn't know that the gun was the Devils Applicate.... His Mission Was succeeded, And the devils might damn proud of it... (soon to be audio) |
a i like dat shit my dude why dont you hit me back man dat was tight. me you can colab. and ill spit a flow fa you and shit aight my dude.
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jimmy sucks o nice verse....
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shit was fire...straight up u got talent
i like flipped endings and you pulled this off nice...it had one of those endings like immortal technique-dance with the devil...i thought the whole thing was great, vocab,creativity all there and i cant wait to here this on audio cuz the flow is great as well 10/10 i didnt find nothing wrong with it shit flowed and got the message/moral out hit up my first topical on open mic too.. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=161856 thanks peace |
damn man u def deserve tha 10/10 on this one was very complex nice twist and it was full of imagery flowed geat man keep it up....
return the feed http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=161890 peace~1 |
Thanx for the respect Fam. Appreciate it..
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pretty dope good flow good with wordplay good vocabulary overall...8/10
peep my collabs with indeph in the sig |
uppin.this......
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up....................
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this piece painted a picture the whole way thru,it was like a verbal movie.not many people can pull that off and make it flow so well.10/10.damn good drop.keep em comin'
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thats a hott drop man full of emotion
rhyme scheme was hott flows were solid overall i give it a 9/10 keep em comin bro hit me up on this one im new so hook me up with some feed http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162383 |
fo sho fam....will do
thanks for the honest feedback.....uppin |
fucks good with peepin this?
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kontro you make me sick...:)....*pukes*....why wont you peep mine you bastard:) jk but please i need the mad feed
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oh before i didnt have a keyboard haha i was using some onscreen keyboard shit. throw me the link.
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