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Looking 4 Feed Back So Be Honest
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This Feeling Man It Makes Me Weak At The Knees
It Has To Be The L-o-v-e I Hate It Man This Feeling I Obtain Love Is When Ya Heart Just Takes Over Ya Brain Noting But Love Between Us Thee No Hate I Aint Saying No Names But I Think I Met My Soul Mate Now It Might Sond Crazy Stupid Or Sumting Its Strange Like I Got Hit By Cupind Or Sumting Its All Bout You Ma Forget The Set Im Repping I Would Walk 1000 Miles Just To See You 4 A Second You The Apple In My Eye You The Reason Im Breating Thanks To My Cheating It Gave You Reason 4 Leaving No Im Sitting In My Room Remanissin Bout The Past 9th Grade Math When I Used To Pass You Notes In Class You The Key In My Ignition U Da Sun In The Sky No Im Sitting My Room And Im Wondering Y Y I Let You Slip Away Y I Lose My Grip Y Im Sitting My Room Bout To Thro A Fit Y I Aint Out Side Bout To Get I Da Whip Y I Aint Outside Ya Window Spitting This Verse Atcha Crib Y I Need You In My Blood Like Oxygen You The Reason 4 My Being The Mission 4 My Existance The Reason Y Im Here Begging The Lord 4 For Giveness |
feed back plz
let me no where i need to work |
Kewl
Thats pretty hot. I cant fault it at all man.
Wat do ya fink of dis one? I’ve never known true love, Or had someone by my side, All the happiness and joys of love, From me the world seems to hide. I’ve never found that special person, I don’t think I ever will. Every time someone comes along, Some one else just has to kill, My opportunity to be happy, My chance to be seen As someone who is something. Now I’ll never know what may have been. :huh: |
Ay yo that was a really nice poem, touching really....
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he he yeah nice shit man
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nice tite drop im rally feeling this poem
nicce poem nice nice wordplay structure and scenery |
ok 1st im jus postin cause i don't think
anybody here has given ya any decent feedback.. what i say is ta help ya elevate.. n i aint riding ya pussy like errybody else im gonna say i enjoyed it but a poem especially bout love should be able ta be understood by erry1, ya got a little 2 complex"i don't say that often". .loli'll break it down 4 ya..... A sweet story solemnly sets upon your lips ^nice wording..good opener n sence of direction^ and majestic melancholy music drowns my eyes. ^ok the 2 m's here put it off/1st n 2nd line should rhyme^ A tractile tear transits down my weary cheek. And love's long lusts choke so I do not speak. ^i liked this line/flowed n was a strong sta.ment^ A sensational smile sweeps across my face And your divine devotion devours my tender sore heart . . . ^koo line but again shoulda rhymed^ I watch wishfully as my fear starts to wince. And your impeccable and imposed eyes say we'll never part. ^dint need and in between..impeccably imposed eyes^ A haughty hymn is heard throughout my soul and impiety is impassive and yet still impetuous ^haughty..nice vocab..dint like the double II run again^ in your dedicated eyes I feel as a whole ^could've been written better^ and willingly wagered my heart to love ^that vocab is really nice gurl^ but what is meant to be? We may never know... ^i think you forgot a word here,but nice closer^ aight overall this was a really powerfull piece,the reason i say lower some"hence"some of your vocab is cause not erry bodies gonna kno what some of those words mean"there loss"but it also takes away from the overall effectiveness of the piece...if they don't"get"some of it right.... aight if i had ta rate it,i think it would be about...ummm..between..8.5/9.2.. :thumbup: check these out"who kno's ya might wanna start battlin"... http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=141117 http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=140239 http://community.rapverse.com/showb...d.php?p=1480054 |
now thats feedback....lol....hope it helps gurl.........
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