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Old 07-14-04, 02:26 AM   #1
Idyllic Queen
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Love [Give me feedback and drop links so I can reply to yours too!]

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A sweet story solemnly sets upon your lips
and majestic melancholy music drowns my eyes.
A tractile tear transits down my weary cheek.
And love's long lusts choke so I do not speak.

A sensational smile sweeps across my face
And your divine devotion devours my tender sore heart . . .
I watch wishfully as my fear starts to wince.
And your impeccable and imposed eyes say we'll never part.

A haughty hymn is heard throughout my soul
and impiety is impassive and yet still impetuous
in your dedicated eyes I feel as a whole
and willingly wagered my heart to love
but what is meant to be? We may never know...
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Old 07-14-04, 02:30 AM   #2
The Mexican
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ay nice drop...feelin it...really likin dat first part...keep 'em comin...iight peace
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Old 07-14-04, 03:35 AM   #3
Introspect.
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i liked it it was nice
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Old 07-14-04, 03:36 AM   #4
Introspect.
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PHP Code:
 :thumbuppc..........................................bez 
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Old 07-14-04, 11:46 AM   #5
fluidmoon
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nice poem, real heartfelt,you have some skills gurl........
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Old 07-14-04, 11:55 AM   #6
Idyllic Queen
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You guys all kinda suck at "useful feedback' lol...but thanks for the compliments regaurding the piece...
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Old 07-16-04, 03:33 AM   #7
mcmix
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nice poem keep up the good job
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Old 07-16-04, 04:40 AM   #8
shyluv
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that's hot way to go
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Old 07-16-04, 06:16 AM   #9
dine_rapper
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good poem i really felt it
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Old 07-16-04, 12:03 PM   #10
Idyllic Queen
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Thanks...
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Old 07-16-04, 12:14 PM   #11
The Jett
Im Short.Ur Fat.He's Gay.
 
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never posted in this forum before. ever......

Queen....
Your vocab was nice. Seem pretty intelligent.
Flo was well sorted. The whole poetry scheme fucks wit me tho.
Dunno how to evaluate the shit. But ur a sunshine so I tried.

nice job -1
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Old 07-17-04, 04:19 PM   #12
raw killa
fuck da hataz B.A.M 4 life
 
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in highschool i use 2 love writin poems i guess dat combined wit my love for music influenced me 2 write lyrics but yea n e ways u good gurl u seem pretty smart ya english teacher must love ya but keep droppin n neva give up on ur writin no mistakes seen but da fact like carsonx2 da rhyme sceame fucked wit meof at da same poems dont have 2 rhyme but keep droppin mo poems gurl i gotta get a link 2 my shit but yea liek i said open mic check me out holla
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Old 08-04-04, 07:01 PM   #13
G_$peed
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yo i was feelin it and i also enjoyed reading it and all your poems
peace
luv 4 u
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Old 08-06-04, 01:03 AM   #14
atti?
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Daym, It Makes Me Feel Wierd When I Cant Critisize Anything...
But With Your Work It's Just Not Neccesary...
I'd Rate It A 9.8/10...
Again, Just Because I'ma Dick Like That And Dont Give 10's...
Sorry I Couldnt Give You Something To Work On...

And Ayo, I'd Apreciate It If You Could Respond To This Piece...
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=137391
It's Actually A Rhym But It's Real Deep And Emotional Like Poetry But Has Flow...
Thanks Alot Fem, Stay Up...
.One.
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Old 08-06-04, 10:45 PM   #15
Die Hard
cold cold, keep shaking
 
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ruff_tuff_thug u dont stop do u.
IQ: Great poem tho, u got ur heart set in the words too, and u can feel the positive vibes.
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