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| View Poll Results: Do You Think This Piece Is Worthy Of "Open Mic Of July"???... | |||
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9 | 100.00% |
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| Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll | |||
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07-25-04, 06:38 PM
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#1
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1926
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"Tales Of The Broken"
IP: A001 97D8
[[Hook]]
My ail-ments hail apon my mental wounds emotions Hoping one day I wont cope with pains, but control them The physical grief nothing to these feelings flowing like oceans Never am I even pleased by my days motion Cuz in any light the dark still glazes over this tale of the broken [[Verse One]] I lay there and pray my health fairs wont leave me with pay-ments, more of health aids care Everday I sustain fair times, lieing there with my tupea of make-shift kinds of fake hairs People stair as they see these bold kids lieing there in critical as I tear the cross off my easle See you'll hear my wishes but fear my disease woll leave you stricken, needing the same kind of kemo Wake up but should just take up a look at how I could just simply unhook eight plugs And take a look into the great above instead of just putting up, I've took pain enough Hospital beds should not be prac-tical to a kid, god why is this a possible blend It's impossible to mend all the pain I've obtained threw so few years of optical ends Cold sheets benieth my cold feet, I'm so old in mind cuz I have but a few short weaks Bold speach spoke with such ease because all these words meat new loves to absorb all means [[Chorus]] MY GOD!!! I've got so much bull shit on plate My every state broken and I'm struggling to steady this weight HELP ME!!! My shoulders are giving out Doubt around every days corner, every day hassels, just want to punch out Goodbye... I'm tired of wishing for more threw each door So many let downs, turning the nobs left me worn And my life on display with the box top open Please someone listen to me, cuz there's not much time left in the tales of the broken [[Verse Two]] Bedtime, shit my bed cries even when I'm put back with back down as if knowing it's the end line Lend my eyes to cetch signs of life across the room, cuz I assume I may never agian find them flyn' by Think and wonder, all I can drink is water cuz my system can't filter any thing other Many kids n' new comers in and out lendeeng there support to this sick strick wonder Amazed I'm alive cuz so many days I thought I'd died, but really not alive when ina bed for days ata time Phased by the time, your only as strong as the kind of brawn that is placed in your mind Seaching for comfort beyond the white polyuathin covers and the morning covers Learning I'm unfortch-unately forced to support these doctors with bills, steady serving these papers I've got no future except for the docs main user of beds and legal narcot-it usage I pop these tranques and eat my meals,"Sir I feel good, PLEASE can I get off this doomed bed [[Chorus]] MY GOD!!! I've got so much bull shit on plate My every state broken and I'm struggling to steady this weight HELP ME!!! My shoulders are giving out Doubt around every days corner, every day hassels, just want to punch out Goodbye... I'm tired of wishing for more threw each door So many let downs, turning the nobs left me worn And my life on display with the box top open Please someone listen to me, cuz there's not much time left in the tales of the broken [[Verse Three]] My last breath reminds of what was diskised against my backside As I grasp for one last time this blood lined n' tatter cap as I flatlined Suddenly sharp arcs of enough of these lights lead me right under these arms He covers me, starts to mudder these parts of both biblical n' other pieced arts Head Down, Glance back to see my grand dads hands rapped around me, lips silanced n' chapped Man and, hat off, streems of tears land trapt while I pass on these vibrant pasts My face pale with great tales of mischief draped down my aches whiell (while) Plates trale across the slate rooms were'll broom blood from this one mistakes fail Look down, and burried in a book now is my father with his head krooked down I shook, frownd and carried my foot down but couldnt, like lead to heavy to push now [[Chorus]] MY GOD!!! I've got so much bull shit on plate My every state broken and I'm struggling to steady this weight HELP ME!!! My shoulders are giving out Doubt around every days corner, every day hassels, just want to punch out Goodbye... I'm tired of wishing for more threw each door So many let downs, turning the nobs left me worn And my life on display with the box top open Please someone listen to me, cuz there's not much time left in the tales of the broken [[Verse Four]] Began to weap staring at this cheap fuck knee deep in green but can't aford to save me! And threw these blurred images I seamd to gained a brand new intelligance Better comprehention, could read the ovious signs they're sendin threw facial expressions I was severed, gone from tension, my last straw broken long before I saw these, or even was mentioned Take one more hard pace tward God's son and my place of love face of mom dug in my chest plate as with every step i'm erased n' gone It's clear they gave me a chance to live praised but I steered away shit, I missed the nearest stay Tears spray off her face as my years fray, mother asking why as I wisper, "dont fear, pray" [[Goodnight]] Eyes confide in watery binds Gazed Blind to ev-ery sign Pray for the next day but I'll never reach mine Last edited by Åttîcûs : 07-29-04 at 12:37 PM. |
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07-25-04, 08:24 PM
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#2
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bingo!
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IP: AAF4 20CB
ATTICUS your structure is gettin better..not much but atleast ur progessing.. this made ur flow better but becuz ur structure isnt great ur flow still isnt up to par..i know ur capable of better..but rhyme wize multie wize emotion wize this is a nice peice honestly dawg this is a nice peice..chourus was a little long maybe shorten that down a bit..but other than that..this was a nice peice real proud of ya after this one dawg nice work  8.777/10
__________________
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07-25-04, 08:34 PM
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#3
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RV SPOTLIGHT, GET AT ME!
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IP: AA51 3382
Very Emotional Peace, Good Imagery, Nice Drop. This Peace Definitely Has Heart In It, You Can Tell That Thruout The Whole Drop. This Piece Seems Like It's Close To You, Not Sure If It Is But It Seems Like That
My Only Advice Would Be To Work On Your Structure A Little, Its Not The End All, It Will Just Make Your Drop Look A Little Cleaner.
__________________
  I had to get a new couch, but as you can see the fun continues! A.I.
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07-25-04, 10:17 PM
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#4
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Run Bitch......Ruunn!!!!!
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IP: EE7A 8918
This was a dope piece man, glad to have
you in Phase One. Although I thought it was good, your structure needs to improve. Try to keep your lines short. Other than that this was hott. You also had some dope lyrics. Good wording and imagery also, keep up the good work man. |
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07-25-04, 10:28 PM
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#5
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Spiritual Respiration
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IP: 3CF2 7138
yea that was hot man. a lot of emotion. the only thing that was dissappointing was there was no closer this time. so for that I will say no for open mic of the month> you broke my heart by not makin one of ya fomous closers. lol
__________________
Fuck the Record... Co-Topical leader on the Phase 1 All-Star team. Member of Udestructable Emcees (Original) Member of P.S.A (Original) Member of Trap Lyrics Member of Blueprint First ever KO to Spul K.L.L. week 3 battle of the week (vs Restricted) ...The above Proves i'm Fukin Dope Non-Phixional Con.Tentz
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07-25-04, 10:29 PM
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#6
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Spiritual Respiration
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IP: 3CF2 7138
man I messed around and hit yes lmao
__________________
Fuck the Record... Co-Topical leader on the Phase 1 All-Star team. Member of Udestructable Emcees (Original) Member of P.S.A (Original) Member of Trap Lyrics Member of Blueprint First ever KO to Spul K.L.L. week 3 battle of the week (vs Restricted) ...The above Proves i'm Fukin Dope Non-Phixional Con.Tentz
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07-25-04, 10:46 PM
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#7
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Lol Ayoooooo!!!...
I Was Thinkin When I Was Writing "Will Anyone Notice If I Dont Make A Closer"... Hold Up Bitch I'll Make One... |
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07-25-04, 11:45 PM
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#8
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Banned: Biting
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IP: B90F 540D
Nice homie...imagery, vocab great like the above said...and ya clean up ya strucutre so it looks more flush but still a dope topical man...props BP!
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07-26-04, 05:59 AM
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#9
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: CDAA 2D0A
Good Vocab And Imaginary Overall Good Piece
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07-26-04, 10:20 AM
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#10
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Ayo, I'd Apreciate It If You All Could Just Remember To Vote At The Top...
And Thanks Alot For All The Respect... Upping... ~One~ |
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07-26-04, 10:28 AM
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#11
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Welcome 2 Dope South
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IP: 3240 794D
Very Emotional Peace,I smell ya cuz. It takes alot ta let tha rap world no was krakin..........cuz if u can't take critasizem you should leave rap alone. cuz most of th tyme they don't liste to slow help type shit.............its alway murder murder, kill kill...............so stay dat was pretty good
__________________
  LINKS TO MY SONGS: http://www.soundclick.com/Car Shows...id=3438907&q=lo Tha Battle (Tech Skillz Diss 2) Tech Skillz Diss Fuk Tha Rules |
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07-26-04, 10:54 AM
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#12
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...Closer Look...
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IP: 14AD E26F
pretty emotional & tight yo...structure and flows were perfect for me...............gd gd......
__________________
Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning S.K.M Quote:
Quote:
Now That's Wassup! |
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07-26-04, 12:35 PM
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#13
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IP: F9B2 9344
That was good peice of work i like it yo umm the Structure iz like better but u need to cut down the Strechted peices i think its worthy nice work ill give u a 8/10 good work
__________________
Im not bad shit....n y ya missin me bastids Leave nigga's in da past like history-classes
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