this was good man, very nice, emotion and imagery were good, flow and structure were also good, great job man, keep it up

thanx

uppin

Uppin..........

Aight piece...

The concept was nice but the development of the story was sort of predictable I suppose. You still kinda struggle with your diction in my opinion: some rhyming words didn't work, grammatical errors and I had the feeling some things should've been worded differently. It's no imagery piece so I cannot comment on that but the emotion was there, you said everything the way it is, no real poetic wordings and such. Flow was decent, some lines were bit stretched so might work on that. Vocabulary was on point, the hook was real nice as well...

Keep on writing and elevating!

good shit man for reals 10/10

yo thanx dawg^^^^

Uppin......

damn duke diz piece is str8 fire i like da concept vocab was nice structure was hittin originality was real good & tha creativity was up 2 par keep writing fa sho

uppin..............

bump .

nice piece, still experimenting with flow eh.......well, first 4 lines were great....i think, like i said in the other one, you use too much commas, trying to paste multiple thoughts together.......take a little more time on those lines, and word them right.......try using different vocab, descriptive words help because they are effective in representing more than one word, they can mean a whole phrase, get me?......but nice piece, good message, raw emotion........up the rhyming a lil bit at the end, gets a little dry when its just one syllable words........but getting better man, this would be pretty coo as a song

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206108

rtf boy

thanx dawg i will rtf tomorrow fo sho

bump