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Jealousy
Jealousy
Eyes burning with hatred like acid cos vision rates red… Research last kiss in diary and cry at what the date said… Pupil’s Iris locked on to my wrist as the minutes pass away… Digesting the bottles contents when used to be glass a day… Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question… Watching in dismay at their new found loving contention… Set my heart on opposite gender resulting in an organ collapse… Spirit fall like leaves when the branches reach autumn relax… Consciously view his scaled lips coress her almost perfect skin… Used to be my position now its his arms that shes lost within… Stay still, stationary trying to hold my head with elevation… Fingers clamped to my palm stopping blood from circulation… Feel frustration the anger build inside these unknown places… Uncovered ground bringing me to these un-a-tone phases…. Hate to feel this way, let jealousy control my inner emotion… Flash backs of the night I found cracks in her sinning devotion… Erosion of belief and trust, I had it close but lost for lust… This girls a must, but left my surroundings in a cloud of dust… Although I’m hurt inside with love and hate about to collide… The feelings I store within won’t drift aside like the ocean tide… Can’t stand and watch a family where the fences withstand me… Human traffic with one route but no one will understand me… ………………………………………… …………………............... With the sun pulled to the ground, only darkness not a sound… He leaves the premises reminisce on that moment n wot I found… As I see that red mist I cross from sanity to prison bound… View the corpse on the floor beaten round a vision on ground… Then it hit harder than anything to ever enter my intellect… If I love her so much, why did I choose to live in~regret… The End |
very nice piece Prem...
i really liked the amount of good imagery throughout the entire piece...i definitely got a good image of the topic after readin this...u were also consistent wit nice vocab and i liked your use of multis in several of the lines...overall, u managed to include solid material...again, nice piece dawg...keep it up |
^thanx for the support, prem... M.A.B. is a nice crew..
but uhmm this was a very touching poem, u had a very good use of imagery from start to close.. this would most def be a candidate for best Open Mic, let alone Poetry Head.. i wanted to pick my favorite lines but i couldn't the whole drop was tight.. stay up, aight pz.. |
this is the best piece i've ever read in o.m. so far.flawless..............
everything connected perfectly,like scene's from a movie.u r truely blessed wit' talent.hope to buy ur work someday. |
wow thanx dawg.....
make sure you remember that wen it comes to votin for the awards :-) uppin more feedback.... -1- |
keep it comin y'all
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weerd am feelin this ish good vocab imaginary ya know lmao had to read it like 3 times vision kinda blurred am drinkin so yea was a nice peice dawg 8/10 an thats weerd..leave feed on damn he's back that rust is shaken off me...
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lol..^^^prem this was a solid piece, opener n body of the verse was nicely done n you had great emotion in ya verse..i liked ya closer on this much more then otther om's that ive read they were good but this is better,i don't put #'s on drops usually
but this would be high if i did...! like seroiously, you keep droppin like this n you'll be in the top 2or3 best poetry heads on site....i think your already top 10...nice drop dawg.... |
thanx dawg......
-1- keep it comin |
MAB holdin it down in all categories! yo, i was definitely feeling this joint prem... i ain't even know you was into the poetry shyt like that... that's good shyt... the imagery... decent vocab, lots of emotion... got ya point across nicely, lines lead into each other... no jumping around sporadically in the drop... nice man.... real nice... (hmmm... might have to battle my own crew member one day...lol)
do ya thang dawg and keep reppin that MAB shyt! werd |
Pre ya poetry was prolly one of the nicest ones so far yet on dis site...well maybe not be atleast...It was good had some nice vocab...imagery was good...your structure was nicely done and easy to read...had emotion in it too...overall 9/10...good job...keep up tha good work...peace...
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uppin this, come on y'all don't sleep on this.............
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up up up and away................
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damnit nigga..you beat my open mic..I admit it..
Bla..I'ma make one to beat this... it was sick man.nothin wrong with it..AT all..damn.. 10/10 hoe |
go look at my "not you" no link sorry
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imagery was great................flow was on point and structure was also damn good........i really like tha vocab and emotion.....i really liked how you stayed on topic.......most cats get off point...........this was a very good drop
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nice drop fam....thats def the Open mic of the month of nov. even though its the first one ive read of this site...it was good...very good..
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This was pretty good. I dunno if its just me, but I sort of got an image in my head of a rich beverly hills type beachside community and a man parked outside in an expensive sports car fuming about losing his ex wife..
It was really good how you started on your topic from a very early part of the peice with this line: "Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question…" As soon as I read that, I knew exactly what this whole thing was about. And its probably what kept me interested throughout the rest of the peice. Good shit bro.. |
wow, this is unbelievably good, like your imagery man, and yea poet ^, i kinda got the same idea, the imagery wow, that was just great, i swear, if we we're in a topical battle, you would of killed me! lol, but yea, the vocab was excellent, n multi's needed at all, that actually would of ruined it. I'm very impressed, thanx to this O.M., people will show the capability of what our crew can do! :),
9.8/10 much prop's!! Damn, now i got competition *signs off, goes to notebook, thinks of what to write even better* ;) |
lol
thx .......................................... uppin |
Damn Prem...
Nice Emotion ThroughOut...Good Use of Vocabulary and The Rhyme Scheme Was Nice. This Is Probably The Best Open Mic I've Read (Well Except For Mine :-D lol) Tight Shit Man...Keep It Up... ~R~ |
Lovin it mayne, this is tha most touching poem...*tear* *sniff*, lost myself 4 a minute, ne wayz, good use of imagery!!! Very creative and your last line was 1 of tha best closers I seen on an OM. Keep it up bro, true potential!
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I Was Feeling This Piece...
The Emotion And Content Were All There... And The Piece Had A Nice Smooth Flow That Alway Stayed Constant... I Always Said You Would Be Able To Be A Nice Topical Head... Oviously While I Was Gone You Made The Leap To Do Just That... Very Nice Piece Overall With Really No Flaws... Only Thing I Could Complain About Is Its Length... But It's The Second Half Of Your Other Piece So When Together Its Prolly Right... Big Up Mayn, I Like What You're Doing... .One. |
GIVE HIM THE OPEN MIC AWARD GODDAMNIT... HE DESERVES IT YOU STINGY BASTARDS.. ROFL well he does.. uppin' this nice piece of work...
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uppin
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Dope piece one of the better open mics ive read in awhile. Reminds me of a piece i didn in a topical tourney, nice emotion, feeling it..............
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besides my own...and b.i detained...and nostra.....this is the dopest open mic i've seen in a while...imagery was definately there....emotion was as on point as it could have possibly been....and a very well told story and ending...this definately has my vote for OM of the month
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this was dope...8.6/10...very dope good vocab and wordplay...tightness..weerdizzle...drop feed on me and indephes collab link in the sig
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uppin -1- |
Eyes burning with hatred like acid cos vision rates red…
Research last kiss in diary and cry at what the date said… -THAT WAS AN GOOD OPENER U EXPRESSED CHA FEELINGS NICE Pupil’s Iris locked on to my wrist as the minutes pass away… Digesting the bottles contents when used to be glass a day… - NICE WORDPLAY HERE GODO EMOTIONAL BAR Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question… Watching in dismay at their new found loving contention… -O AIIIIGHT IAM FEELING THIS PART GOOD VOCAB AND FEELIGNS W/ EMOTIONAL Set my heart on opposite gender resulting in an organ collapse… Spirit fall like leaves when the branches reach autumn relax… -WHOA~! NICE WORDPLAY MAYNE Consciously view his scaled lips coress her almost perfect skin… Used to be my position now its his arms that shes lost within… -O AIIIIIGHT IAM FEELING THIS PART GOOD EXPRESSION EVERY LIL DETAIL Stay still, stationary trying to hold my head with elevation… Fingers clamped to my palm stopping blood from circulation… - SO THIS DA PART WHERE U GET HEATED, NICE EXPRESSION Feel frustration the anger build inside these unknown places… Uncovered ground bringing me to these un-a-tone phases…. -NICE GOOD WORDPLAY, Hate to feel this way, let jealousy control my inner emotion… Flash backs of the night I found cracks in her sinning devotion… - WORD NICE VOCAB Erosion of belief and trust, I had it close but lost for lust… This girls a must, but left my surroundings in a cloud of dust… -GOOD EMOTION. GOOD FEELINGS U EXPRESSED HERE Although I’m hurt inside with love and hate about to collide… The feelings I store within won’t drift aside like the ocean tide… -WHOA NICE META GOOD WORDPLAY TO GO WITH IT Can’t stand and watch a family where the fences withstand me… Human traffic with one route but no one will understand me… -O AIIIIIIIIGHT NICE MAYNE ………………………………………… …………………............... With the sun pulled to the ground, only darkness not a sound… He leaves the premises reminisce on that moment n wot I found… As I see that red mist I cross from sanity to prison bound… View the corpse on the floor beaten round a vision on ground… -O DAMN NICE FLOW GOOD VOCAB HERE MAYNE Then it hit harder than anything to ever enter my intellect… If I love her so much, why did I choose to live in~regret… - TRUE GOOD CLOSA NICE AIIIIIGHT PREM- U HAD FLOW, GOOD EMOTION BEING ESTABLISH IN THIS PIECE HERE, GOOD VOCAB, GOOD META'Z, AND WORDPLAYS, THE FEELINGS U EXPLAIN EVERY LIL DETAIL THATS WHAT I MOST LIKE ABOUT THIS OM...........WORD |
uppin
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Ill drop best one I saw the whole time I was here. I like ur style.
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thats a mutha fukken hott piece u played that shyt out man keep em comin i cant fiund shyt wrong with it so w/e man call an agent or suttin u dunno hit me up tho im new so lemme know whats good http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162583
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still uppin
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Damn yo,I was caught into it just lookin at the opener fam.
The opener alone is something that could be quoted on a daily bases. The content was deep and Ironically Talib Kweli quality. I just found the biggest respect from you,by reading this. This WILL be hall of famed.Get @ me on AIM NOW! |
theres only one word i can really use to describe that piece......FLAWLESS...10/10
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