Empire vs VALOR
 

Battle Rules:

POETRY BATTLE-TOPIC-A LOVED ONE DIED HOW DO YOU FEEL
UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting



BATTLE C.S vs THE COUNCIL

Minimum posts to vote: 200

Check in by: 10-05-04 at 12:33 AM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

VALOR has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-03-04 02:53 AM.

Empire has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-03-04 11:21 AM.

No answer for the cancer that wrecked ya system with painfull conviction
Cant take the loss no source can provide me with ample description
Still whising for times passed where we cried and laughed memorys that i cherish
Im embarassed cuz men dont cry but my tears flow no lie im broken inside
Gave me insight to the meaning of life but i cant comprehend trust me i tried
Cuz you died.... and the loss is like air with you not there i cant breath when you not by my side
Heart heavy i wasnt ready used to cry together now my tears flow from my lonely presence
When i lost you i lost me too it seems or souls were on some level connected
Shuffle through pictures guzzling liquor trying to dull the pain but nothing will work
Its amzing how something in GODs plans could cause a man so much of a hurt
My brain cant focus it seems hopeless contemplating on following you on your path
Cuz i dont think i can take it how can i make it and nowhere to focus my wrath
Got me lost what cost is love when you lose the person you share it with?
Ive been through mental help its apparent its useless with threapists
Watch movies pause frames slow motion like ball games catch a glimpse of ya features
This all i got to visualize cuz you above me in blue skys to far away to reach ya
You was my sun my heat on earth my solatiare protection from societys cold
You dieing hit me hard thats why im still crying as im writing these words from my soul

Voted For: VALOR

I remember when i allways felt down you were always there
to let me know that some things in life just are never fair
through my ups and downs you always believed in me
then you left the planet my heart now feels shallow n empty
^^^^^^^^ OOOOOOOOO DATS DEEP MAYNE


your were my role model i looked up to you
always feelin all of your advice was the truth
and was i hope...
but your no longer here for me , i cant cope
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (GRAB AN TISSUE) NICE MAYNE DEEP FEELINGS


im feelin this deep grief ,with a sick feeling in my stomach
raw material,with raw instinct i cannot describe
my feelings are no longer there..but im trying
to keep my head up in life,but its hard to stop crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ NICE MAYNE GOOD DEEPA FEELINGS


wish i can hug you for that comfort that i desire to need
its like the days that past by and your not here my heart bleeds
feeled with grief...ever since my moms told me about my lost i fail into dis belief
you were okay just the other day......
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ AIGHT DATS TIGHT GOOD IMAGINARY DEEP FEELINGS



*prays*

''please remain in my heart and look after me
remain friends with my sole and be that serviving seed
dont ever leave my side...
that soft loving personality you cannot hide

so loving that you are now my favorite angel
continue to teach and preach me through life from all different angles
and even if its now and forever you must rest diceased
ill pray and make sure you and your sole will forever rest in peace''


*puts his head down and cry's softly*
^^^^^^^^^^^^ (BLOW HIS NOSE) NICE MAYNE GOOD PIECE HERE MAYNE UR GOOD NICE

VALOR-DEEP FEELINGS,,,,,,,,EXPRESSION,,,,,,,,,,,PAINTIN AN GOOD PICTURE,,,,,,,,,8/10



No answer for the cancer that wrecked ya system with painfull conviction
Cant take the loss no source can provide me with ample description
Still whising for times passed where we cried and laughed memorys that i cherish
Im embarassed cuz men dont cry but my tears flow no lie im broken inside
Gave me insight to the meaning of life but i cant comprehend trust me i tried
Cuz you died.... and the loss is like air with you not there i cant breath when you not by my side
^^^^^^^^^^^GOOD FLOW,,,,,,,,,EXPRESS MORE FEELINGS GET INTO DA DETAILS


Heart heavy i wasnt ready used to cry together now my tears flow from my lonely presence
When i lost you i lost me too it seems or souls were on some level connected
Shuffle through pictures guzzling liquor trying to dull the pain but nothing will work
Its amzing how something in GODs plans could cause a man so much of a hurt
My brain cant focus it seems hopeless contemplating on following you on your path
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ NICE FLOW AGAIN NEED DEEPER EXPRESSION GET INTO DA DETAILS MORE FEELINGS


Cuz i dont think i can take it how can i make it and nowhere to focus my wrath
Got me lost what cost is love when you lose the person you share it with?
Ive been through mental help its apparent its useless with threapists
Watch movies pause frames slow motion like ball games catch a glimpse of ya features
This all i got to visualize cuz you above me in blue skys to far away to reach ya
You was my sun my heat on earth my solatiare protection from societys cold
You dieing hit me hard thats why im still crying as im writing these words from my soul
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ AIGHT DA LAST PART WAS GOOD DEEP MAYNE,,,,,,,,,NICE

EMPIRE-HAD GOOD FLOW,,,,,,,,,,IMAGINARY,,,,,,,,FEELINGS (NEEDS MORE)

I VOTE FOR VALOR CAUSE HE HAD DEEP FEELINGS AND LOT OF EXPRESSION HE GOT INTO DA DETAILS OF HOW HE FELT~!

EMPIRE WHEN U DO ANOTHA POETRY BATTLE PUT DOWN MORE FEELINGS

NICE FLOW BUT ATTATCH DAT WITH DEEPER FEELINGS MAYNE

ACT LIKE ITS TRUE PAINT AN PICTURE~!

~PEACE~

Voted For: Empire

Empire used a lil more vocab could
really feel ya verse like if it was me goin
through it shit was hot


VALOR
shit was koo u had better structure
verse was koo just felt Empires a lil
more but overall nice verse and good
battle

vote on da battles in my sig i voted on ya battle

This was feedback posted for VALOR
 

checkin the polls..

DATS NOT AN GOOD EXPLAINATION U GOTS TO BREAK IT DOWN

DATS NOT HOW U BREAK IT DOWN

~PEACE~ JUST NOTIFYING

even more explaination just incase
Empires was a lil more descriptive 2
me i could really imagine his verse
Valors ending and structure was koo
but Empires overall verse was better

Uppin This Battle...........
....................

uppin number 2 in this shit
comeon u herb ass sleepers

This was feedback posted for VALOR
 

nuff sed valor gots this.....both did gud..........

This was feedback posted for VALOR
 

kjljkasdjfakjajakljfa;sdfkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjj

This was feedback posted for VALOR
 

damn man you beat this kid..........valor you kuilled this kid.....just uppin for the crew batttle

This was feedback posted for Empire
 

just checkin how the votin n stuffs goin on my crew members battle......

This was feedback posted for Empire
 

checkin this shit out...... crew battle.......................

Voted For: Empire

Empire has this one..... I liked his verse ebtter .... his sounded more convincing... i liked it.... he used more emotions and i liked his flwo beter....

Vaqlor you had a pretty good verse ... but i liked empires verse btter..

Peace!! Return tha fava on mah battle \/ \/ \/

Coninue>>>>> From ^^^^^

Empires vocab was alright .... i liked the variety....

Valor .... your vocab was good too .... you used some pretty nice words.... lol i had to look one of them up...

Empire.... you had some good flow... beat valpr in that ....
but valor your flow was good ... but i understood emps more...
Over all i thot empire had this....

V/ Empire... ^^ as seen..

Peace

uppin number 3
................................
.............

This was feedback posted for VALOR
 

Vote - Valor
Reason:
Pretty good battle....Valor came with better emotion, and imagery than Empire, but Empire had the flow and vocabulary no doubt.....BUT this is a topical battle...so the way I see it..is you have to be on topic...therefore Valor got this for telling an emotional story with good thoughts and concepts.....and imagery...Empire had a good story...but it wasn't really vivid...it seemed cloudy in some areas and not really too emotional.....which is why Valor won in my opinion....not a bad read from both...

Somebody fucking get that polled....goddamn new sites....

This was feedback posted for Empire
 

I can not post a vote becuz I dont have 200 post, but here's who I think won and why.Empire won. His rhyme structure was strong, complex, and apparent and he did'nt even use stanzas (which is really cool cause I hate stanza's with a passion). it flowed really well and it seemed very genuine and emotional. Voltors was alright. Return the fav and check out the first time I tried to be a rapper. it's Selah David vs. Certifiedthug/gangsta

Voted For: VALOR

im voting for valor because i felt his more. it looked like empire jus tried to use a lot of big words(which is good) so it seemed better. empire had better vocab but his structure wasnt very good. some of his lines were crowded. valor's was more deep i think and i liked that idea of the prayer at the end

This was feedback posted for Empire
 

checkin tha polls

ok 2-2 should be 3-3 damn valor this will be close :thumbup:

upin number 5
..................
..................

Voted For: Empire

vote goes to Empire, you take ths battle man!!!

flow was nice from both half, but i think over all Empire takes it, it was consistanly good and the structure was nice to!

punches deffinatly go to Empire, his punches were hard hitting and funny, valor your piunches werent bad but they didnt hit as hard as Empire.

overall, definatly Empire, vote to Empire

good battle guys, please return the favour and drop some votes on the battles below, thx

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

Voted For: VALOR

i feel that Valor won this battle with more emotion and a more
creative peice in my opinion he actually came pretty good in this
i was def feelin it so i read it over 2 times pretty good i think.

Emire your peice was ok i wasnt really into it to much because
your structure made it kind of boring and as well you didnt give
as much detail and had less emotional lines, you took the vocab though.

decent battle VALOR win with a better peice.

V/ VALOR

Voted For: Empire

Ok... Where to start.. Empire took the battle no doubt.. He made proper poetic connections.. The rhyming was good, he would have benefited from formatting his verse properly. He also had good emotion.. Now..

Valor... Your verse was nothing more then a big dissapointment for me... You talk about being the king of poetry on this site.. But reading this battle verse, I really cant see any reason you would even try to make that claim. Im not hating at all, Im only speaking truth man. Let me tell you why I thought yours was sort of wack poetry.

For starters, all you did was tell a story.. There were little to no poetic connections or imagry.. I mean, it was more or less a topical without structure or flow and at times without rhymes.. To put it nicly, it was below average poetry.

You need to seriously work on your verbal imagry skills and start reading peices from people like Lyric and, shit, even take notes from empires verse. Because your peice on this battle sucked.

And one more thing, the bit where you wrote,

*puts his head down and cry's softly*

Was really wack.. It had nothing to do with the peice and really.. It made no sense.

Please elevate A LOT before you try to tell people you are the king of poetry and that sort of shit again.. And no, Im not hating at all on this, I have no beef with you and I dont want you to get mad cut because of my comments.. I want you to take them as a form of critique and try to improve for next battle.

Vote- Empire

Voted For: VALOR

OMG... WACK...

this was one sided as fuck! valor takes this shit in every way... Empire and i have beef so im sure he will bitch that this is a hate or DR but whatever cause its not... his verse just straight up sucked ass... its obveous he dosent do poetry... i mean hes tight at text but poetry just aint his thing... first of empire ya structure needs some definate work... poetic structure is much differant than battle structure... valor got right on... it effects the overall flow of the peice... valors flowed nicely and and was right on topic and was deep as fuck... empire yours was aight... not bad concidering the bad structure. ya realy need to work on that tho... no hate tho even tho you will probably misconstrue this as a hate vote... any way this one is clearly going to valor...

very good verse man..

VOTE- Valor

valor structure was way worse then mine i beef with your crew and you go vote aganist me??!!how fucking gay is that this vote will be coming off faggot :nono:

Voted For: Empire

This was actually a pretty solid battle, Ima have to take a closer look at this one to decide a winner...

Starting - Emp, got right into how you felt inside, and provided details about how the loved one died

Ending - Valor, had a touching ending, quite emotional after reading the entire verse

Structure - Valor, Cleaner, organized, centered, lookin good, some bars coulda been shortened/lengthened, but well done

Vocab - Emp, you took this one quite easily, not only were most of your lyrics tech/emphisizing, it was consistant

Multies - Emp used quite a few in his verse, whereas I did not see any in Valor's

Metas - None, thought ya'll woulda tryed to use sum, didnt catch any tho

Staying on topic - Emp, both did well in this area but I feel he went into more detail about it all and took it to another level

Wordplay - Emp, Valor's was pretty basic in the sense that he was quite blunt about everything, Emp had great descriptive words that helped to understand the emotions to the verse

Storyline's Creativness - Tie, both were very creative ideas with the overall storyline and how it played out

Emp: It was a good topical between the both of you but I feel you took this one because of how I broke it all down above ^^, Next time all I would have to say is try makin your structure a bit cleaner and try using metas, they give verses great effects. great job tho dawg...8.95/10

Valor: It was a great battle man, I was just feeling Emps a bit more. I liked your closer it was dope. I think you need to try using better vocab next time tho...If you can use words that are more descriptive to the feeling/emotions of a topical, it allows the reader to really feel what your tryna say, ya know? Also, multies and metas like in a reg. battle play a nice role in topicals, it gives it a little extra spice. Overall...6.80/10

This was a great topical to read and I wanna say no beef, I just critique battles as I see them...honest vote only...props to both for the great work youve both done, payce....

Voted For: VALOR

valor-Your verse was overall better as i see it.... you had the better imagery and emotion.... your structure was good and your story was solid... and seeings how i am a topical god i do know what 9im talking about... your flow was on and i liked how half of your verse was freeverse only thing i can say about your verse is from now on when you do a poetry battle keep your verse freeverse it is much better to the poetry and topical heads out there... well atleast over on Original


Empire- your verse was alright the structure was stretched and was hard to follow... it was more like a story then a poem....your flow was okay but you was forcing your ending words to make them rhyme... like i said to valor KEEP YOUR VERESE FREEVERSE

v/valor