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1,2,3
1st of all, things we'r great, This back when we started dating, Me and you, no doubts in truth, We Stuck it through the hating, Never debating the ending, thinkin we could stick with it forever, And most the times you were right, always knew you were clever, You wer'nt just my girl, I looked up to you, and I respected you, Always my priority, not once did I ever put things next to you, It was like we were meant to be, nothing could tear us apart, Eye To Eye, Cheek To Cheek, Lip To Lip, Heart to Heart MY thoughts remained solely on you, why would i Ever Stray? I knew the games you played, and I loved the words you'd say, I can remember the day it crumbled, It's like a picture in my mind, The downfall of perfection, The Day My Past came from behind. 2 days without you, I begin to feel the space around me, Your out of my life, I begin to feel the dark surround me, Started again, we'r both with other people now, No Jeaulosy, You'll come back to me, yeh, I can feel it, soon you'll see So my new girlfriend left me, I didnt notice till a week later, Your man has to do the same, when he does I'll be there waiting, But No, 3 months go by, you two are still there going strong, How Can This happen to Me?? What The Fuck is Going On??? Life without you seems wrong, Please come back, I need you, I sit outside you house and stare like it was see through, Then the night came, You saw something moving in the bushes, Never thought I would ever be fearing feeling your touches. 3 years later, And I'm clean, over you, through the counselling, Thats when the phone rings, Pick it up to hear you answering, After all this time, what went through your mind to make you call? I nearly had it all, New Life, New Wife, I'd overcome the Fall, But No, At this new moment you decide To bring yourself back, Taking control again, Running my life, My soul feels Black, In pain from you, but theres no way I could say No to you, Even if your min flips like this, You can't expect mine to too, I'm back within the circles now, what used to be love, Gone Off I can't reject though, So I stay with you, But just feel lost, Suicide is now an option, How could this come from Perfection? As I stare down the Barrel of a gun, I write My Story As A Lesson. |
8/10........................................
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It would have been better to see nothing at all, No offense, but it sucks to jsut see a number you feel me. You should say where people can improve, what they did right. namsayin. |
ok, it was poetry really, it was very emotional but i thought it was poetry, i could imagine u on Def Poetry doin that to a mellow beat
happy? |
yah this is dope....you had more than one dope line seriously....reminds me of eminem style...keep dropping its dope
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ThankYou :D
It was pretty deep, and I dnot know where It came from, But I like the ending. |
lol dope sig. :nono: what ever but this was a dope drop. I say 8/10. It was good. Fuck the rating.
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I don't get it :shocked:
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Good drop, nice flow, said vocally it rolls off the tounge lol. Imagery was good, could've been better judging by the type of situation, but then again it could've been told from many different perspectives, so it's all good. Overall I'd give it 8.5/10, keep up the good work:thumbup:
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Thanks man^
You know I try...... |
good stuff good stuff.. i know what u be feelin..
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Thanks man, appreciated snice you new.
Bumpin before I leave... |
Bump Bump Bump.
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This was a good piece...i liked the emotion in it...was a real god piece flow & struc was well wordplay was decent...8/10 keep it comin
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Bumpin to the top hoes
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bumpin this shit for Distilled...quit sleepin hoes...
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damn so this is why you so inactive? distilled's in love.
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Shup you leavin hoe!!!
And Drop me some Feedback. Namsayin...noun |
Bumpin you hoes.
Don't Sleep. |
waoh your more good than i thought... nice piece.... 8/10..
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Thanks man.
I got a lot more to come aswell. |
Once More
Bumpitty |
Uppin this again before I leave.
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Crit Me Please Fools
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I am Dead.
I hope your happy. |
Fuck It, I'll bump this in time for the Nominations
:D:D:D:D |
personally i dont think there's any places u can improve on this piece it's got good lyrical content and tha structure is near perfect. It all flowed well and was real original.....keep doin wut u do n return da favor in my open mic called Fearless.....1
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Peeped and left feed yo.
Bump |
1:
i liked that part of it alot very creative and it was just poppin the flow was there and it had these great twists to it very good first part of the verse in here has a 1,2 step kinda ciara flow to it lol... 2: hmm i liked this one too great creativty to pretty much had the same thing to the first verse in creativty n shit but i liked this one a lil more but you solidly droped on all part of this shit...good job... 3: this one was my favorite i liked the vocabulary you used in this one...and it was very creative n shit i really liekd the stucture you used on all the verse 1 2 and 3 they were all good flowing n everything good job... fav lines: 3 years later, And I'm clean, over you, through the counselling, Thats when the phone rings, Pick it up to hear you answering, Suicide is now an option, How could this come from Perfection? As I stare down the Barrel of a gun, I write My Story As A Lesson. they both had there flow and vocabularu and emption to them good job... .................... return the feed on my OM's links in the sig... -Parallel |
Thanks Parrbool.
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Lemme give some feed on another dope drop...
First of all, the topic has been done before probably and yet, you managed to give it an original vibe. Your vocab was excellent, no complex dictionary words but no basic stuff either...found a good balance there. Was feeling your flow, the structure was tight too. I absolutely LOVED the twist at the ending, the emotion was so raw. Easy to relate to because everyone must've experienced this in some sort of way, not being able to let someone go... Good job! Keep on dropping, I'll be looking forward to reading it! DQ |
DAYUM..this yorkshire cat hotter thn i thought...battles is one thing..but i prefer this real shit...the emotion was crazy..real deep..we all been there...vocab was good..structure was excellent....managed to put a good twist into the topic..very creative how u set it out too...nice drop..i enjoyed it....ama prolly read more of ya stuff nah....leave some feed in my what is life open mic...sorry didnt leave a link..but just go find it for ya boy...keep droppin hotness like this mayne...pz
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lol..ma bad...links in ma sig.......bump..
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Thanks for the feed yo, always good to get your shit Critted like that.
And its funny how the haters stay away from my OM's, lol. Bump, And I'll RTF now Idyllic. ;) DQ |
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whats that sposto mean? |
Thats what your name is foo'
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Yeh what he said^^^
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