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Insect to Society
An insect to society I woke up one morning, I lay awake in my bed wondering why being different was on the wing I was borderline of societies worst, I was of no use to the world I flipped on the news, “Another man mysteriously murdered”... my head twirled. ….. I littered and I spat on the ground with distaste I was late for my job, and quickly made haste Than I thought to my self “fuck it, it’s over” I have nothing to live for If I’m living to die my fate is my own, I felt like I prisoner of war Trapped, with no route to escape, I worked hard and never was late I went to school for 20 years and I never made a mistake But now I realised if I’m leaving soon than I might as well make well of my time ….. So I sat back and kicked up my feet, Turned off the T.V. and proceeded to eat My milk was sour and my lettuce was rotting Like myself, I could tell it was clotting My Mind made up, not enough blood pumping I could see that I was metaphorically jumping ….. I knew money wasn’t in the game for me So I decided, find my own way to be ‘lite I thought and mustered my brains knowledge Short of thinking, as I was failing college I didn’t have the brains to come out on top So I looked for rewind And my life stopped. |
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uppin this up up and away.
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This Was A Good Piece, Nice Imagery & Story, You Need To Improve Yo Vocabulary Though, You Have a Good Story Telling Style, Which Get's Your Message Across Good.
Your Structure Was On Point, But Yo Flow Fell Off A Few Time's, Which Is OK. Btw You Wanna Do A Collabo? |
Thanks for your feedback, why is your name all blurred? Dont' you want people to know who you are?
And yes I wouldn't mind doing a collab. Aim=givenlyricalight Msn=AaronThangarasu@hotmail.com |
I Got A Name Wave, Have You Gotta Alias? Mine Is Conclusion, So, Yeah I'll Get At You.
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Given Light off rb LoL *says in hushed voice*
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could I get some more feedback?
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I will respond, to your om's or anything, if you leave some feedback.
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upping this topical.
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uppin for some feedback.
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Quote:
just to tell ya... we dont do that.... mainly cos theres no mods in open mic and the newbs trash the place with open mics with leaving feedback on any shit... ...and your openmic.. it was pretty good.... ya flow was really good...... the title you gave it was very good.....and it matched ya verse |
^so no leaving links eh? Well that's retarded....
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uppppppppppin this
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upping this buisness nahmsayin?
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upp make sure to leave links, so I can respond.
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great, feed back doesn't come that fast does it...
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nice BITE BITCH
wanna link cause you got it off me http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=149881 nice try |
LOL he did bite it lol fuckin herb
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Quote:
:laugh2: FUCKING HERBS :laugh2: GET EM :laugh2: |
Lmfao, hey guys wanna know something funny? I originally wrote that, he bit it off me, go check you fucking retards. What's funny is that he bit off me, trys to ban me for biting, than gets caught.
That's what makes it sooooooooooo funny? Get it dumbshits? I'm Given Light off rb, now look at the dates to his link and mine, I post my verse in august. His THREAD doesnt even open until September? Awwww shit? Who's dumb now? LINK http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...=Insect+Society Yes, that's right. Fucking herbs. |
LMAO!!!!>... thats was a nice catch...
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Oh and if you haven't noticed that pysco kid is banned.
*upps thread* |
Lmao @ this kid...but ima give some feedback on yours...
You had nice imagery and emotion in your drop, vocab was good cause it was very readable and not too many big shot dictionary words in it. Nothing bad bout ya flow n structure. I liked the way you approached the topic, solid drop man! DQ |
^Thanks I appreciate the feeback, if needed leave a link, and I will reply.
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Uppin this leave a link, and feedback is returned.
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uppin this! I always return feedback.
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Up up and away gosh damnit.
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(Sorry to come in here and freepost but could you check one of the links in my sig, getting mad slept on...thanks!)
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this was done very well stucture was great and the imagery was flawless and flow was flawless and the emotion was flawless im really mad feeling this, great verse....i wouldnt mind doin a collab cuz you a great writer keep doin that ish
RTF in my OM "Once Upon A Time" links in the sig pz |
yo homie i liked this piece nice emotion one of the best ive read on RV flow was sick kid rhymes tight im lookin for that next open mic
please return the feedback in one of my open mics in my sig |
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