youngsta story
 

just a lil somethin i put together.......

a smile so contagious, young boy so courageous
displays an attitude like, "nobody can phase us"
though underneath that front, a lifes tainted
a picture so complicated, nobody could paint it
and sorrys belated, from the day his dad passed
people got hurt, there were so many stones cast
9 years old, so bold, took on the mans role
but like "kelly rowland" whatever he had was "stole"
so much "weight" on his shoulders, could be classed obese
life story, like an old persons face,not without a crease
his mothers mind on overtime, her body just follows
couldn't cry coz it seemed no one accustomed to sorrow
tragedy struck, 11 years, witnessed a storm, hit hard
provoked the "bad guy" his mum - the leading star
scene like the red sea, drown in pools of blood
so unexpected, everything gone, like an asian flood
an orphan, still he never strayed, never turned to crime
if only like r-kelly he could "turn back the hands of time"

(uppin for feed)

pretty nice piece here....lil bit of wordplay....nicely done.....it seems to me ur from u.k or somethin huh

i like ur flow...u got cool structure.....and u stayed on topic....cool shyt

peep my hip hop warrior and my final review....


d.a.

ok drop, you number 1 from rw right?
anyway keep dropping.

chea i'm numero uno from rw....thanx for the feed ya'll

Preety Good Dwag I Felt Where Ure Coming From Good Emotion Flow Was A Little Off But Still Good Dwag...rhymes Were Tight Ight Wordplay...
Good Post
Hit Up My Open Mic"freestyle"
Peace...

yeah, good drop....nice vocab...it had good feeling to it too.......the flow wuz just a little bit off........other than that everything wuz good.....keep droppin

^^^thanx for the feed...up...

i liked dis drop.....it showed alot of wordplay, some good vocab and it was original. i give it a 9.5/10 stay up on ya game shawdy.

^^^thanx for the feed...up

that was nice shit good wordplay simalr things have been written on this topic but nice shit no hate


















"writing is a continous process of elevation"
Krackmittens

aiyo do me a favor shawdy n check dis new open mic i did....its called Thoughts of a Hustler, i NEED feedback please..........its linked in my sig it sez " tha best open mic you'll read this week"

^^^done.....uppin.....

lol.........R kelly LOL n e ways I Liked ya Open Mic i Think It was Sick I DEF like the word play of it all .........................Infact i dont think there was nothing i Didnt Like bout it SO Keep up the good work

Hey mizz Fyre Do You Wanna do A Collab Wit Me Ill Give you the topic of the collab when you accept this Offer So Are you up?

^^^yeah alright....whats the topic???

yo this was pretty good. nice vocabulary, wordplay and structure.i liked it. 9.5/10. you got potential. keep doing your thing.

im feeling that right there thats hot flow good vocab good and topic was tight i like the whole thing

9 years old, so bold, took on the mans role
but like "kelly rowland" whatever he had was "stole"
so much "weight" on his shoulders, could be classed obese
life story, like an old persons face,not without a crease
im feeling these, N flow was on-point nice........

i say u should join heavy hittaz for-real.......

u would fit prefect.....

^^^thanx a lot....

^^^r u the leader of the crew

nice drop ma......I love tha word play..........Keep doin ya thing an good things will happen

^^thank you.....

your welcome ma............will u good look at my thread an give me some feedbac on it. It's called Evil Ambitionz