Single Verse- Feedback Please
 

Yo i just wrote this verse in about 15 minutes about some kid silly idiot I know, its just 20 lines.

So whats up, still wanna talk shit Tom,
And get broken down like the heels of your fat Mom,
Tell me were u at, you and your men,
Cause Ive got no problem laying into you and your big brother Ben,
See you tried to be a thorn in my side,
But everytime Ive come looking you’ve found somewhere to hide,
Cause your nothing more than a rich boy trying to act rough,
You live in a huge house and your Dad drives a Jag,
Shaved head, Rockports, on you just makes you look like a fag,
Smoke dope cause of the simple reason you a wannabe gangster,
About a year ago you were rocking Offspring, Original Prankster,
I remember you, listening to shit like Slipknot,
Are Oxide and Neutrino cool, they must be one of them got shot,
So if all goes quiet don’t think Ive forgot,
Im no dumby I have a long memory,
I keep a mental note of who trys to offend me,
But now your wishing you didn’t start shit,
But Im the one who will say when this is it,
And im not in that mood at all, so get ready,
Cause you never know Tom, you might have to deal with some shit,

Feedback Please good or bad


:)

I LIKED IT SIMPLE BUT ILL

it was ok some lines just seemed to short bu all in all it was good keep i up aight

umm it seemed okay..some of the punches...etc. weren't that good tho....but its a simple piece i guess...much luv..God bless..1..

Thanks everyone to for the feedback, much appreciated.

Thanks for the feed back everyone much appreciated,

Uppin for more feedback

i didn't like it
 

it seems like you rap for some of the wrong reasons...like its just a hobby or something you try to do

it was iight. nothing burning peeps Iz out!

peep my drops

thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.

Uppin for more:)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 

Uppin :)

lol@are those made up names jus so you can rhyme the word.. if so.. this was bad... if not it was alright... structure was decent not complex as i would've liked it to be.. but this was alright.. didn't see any multiz.. got the old school rap, kept it real but its all good mayne, peaCe

it was alrite jud keep workin on it

Thanks for the feedback, much apprciated,

Nah the names were real, I didnt make them up to rhyme.

Up for feed

K vocab was mad simple but part from that this was aight, not too complex tho. I kno wat ya mean bout the subject theres always sum fuckin wannabe scally talkin shit. anyway check mine ninja philosophy. aight peace

For a freestyle..just off the top about some dude..i thought it was good...Im sure you could write a much better battle verse if you tried, but for the situation..this was good..simple but enough to get the point across..peace.

Thanks alot you 2 for the feedback, much appreciated,

Uppin for more:)

Uppin

yo i was feelin it dawg may-b u should beat dudes ass first chance you get
stay up dawg

1ne

go peep my shit, i need feedback fa reals

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=17122

thanks for the feedback,

Yeah guys a dick, theres a few dicks near me,

Uppin for more feed,
:)

shit was pretty hott...a little simplistic but fo sho you got your point across....

give me your opinions on my latest posts down and out andthat concience theyre tihgt as hell

thanks for the feed, Ive peeped one of your pieces and the other will be done in a minute.....

Uppin for more feed...:)

Up

jay dee...this was good in a simplistic way..lol..nah mean..but i was feelin this...well keep spittin dee...pz...~unoluv~

Thanks for the feedback

Anyway im out mad late in England Pz.

Uppin for feedback

Shit was Wack.....then muthafuckas wonder why Open Mic is Weak And Wack....shit like this should just stay in ya little "rap journal" Notebook....just my thoughts...



Peace....
1...........

if you didnt like it fair enough it was only a simple piece and it took me like 15 minutes to write. But hey thanks for being honest.