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Drama Queen vs Parallel
Battle Rules:
16-30 lines Topic: Mortal Experience (death) No Recycling No Biting No D/r 4 days after checking in.. Minimum posts to vote: 600 Check in by: 03-20-05 at 09:47 PM Must drop verse in 5000 minutes after check in. |
ight drama its set up again...word
im writing my verse as we speak |
Parallel has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-17-05 10:34 PM.
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Mortal Experience 3 years ago grandma started getting lots of Pain I almost thought it was my fault so I was Ashamed She started going to the hospital daily since Then Grandpa helped out, grandma couldn’t hold a Pen I should of to visited more, I guess I chose Wrong Such a crazy phenomenon but grandma was Strong.. Grandma was smart, always loved to help out a Lot She fought for others, intelligence was what she Brought Everyday she had to go through that suffering & Pain Grandpa must a been insane to not think it was a Game She lasted so long, I thought she was more then Mortal She was immortal, like she came from an alien Portal.. 3 Months ago she was back in another hospital Bed I visited once, tried not to say something I would Dread I didn’t understand what the problem was at the Time So I went on with my friends, had fun at most the Time I tried not to think about her but I just really could Not She surprised me in how much she fought for her Life I knew that Christ had to have been in helping Out But I also knew that her time to parish was at Bout.. 4 days after I saw her, she was gone forever & Ever All of the family was sad, asking why grandma is Sever Apart from me I felt different cause I never Visited I should have committed myself, helped out & Visited Now I powder if I would have if she’d still be Alive She had the thrive to stay up but she didn’t Survive.. R.I.P. Denise Harder.. |
Drama Queen has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-18-05 12:08 PM.
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Locked up inside this jail where I get a sporadic glimpse of life But it's not all sorrow, it's the only place I haven't had no strife I do not feel anger nor pain, I only experience emptiness within Abandoned by everyone and yet I keep believing in remission of sin For I did not choose to do what I did, I wasn't the one in control You were right calling me a drama queen, played my theatrical role So now I'm writing you this letter to confide what I always denied I'll let you in on my dirty secret about the day my innocence died . . . Remember everything like it was yesterday, a cold November morning When I found that revealing picture in the mail without any warning Refused to believe what my eyes perceived and ripped it into pieces I never assumed you'd fool around with girls same age as your nieces So I put it all away, kept on convincing myself that it wasn't true Oh there have been times I wanted to ask you but didn't know how to Guess I was indeed a coward, that's what you always called me right? Maybe my whole existance was a lie, maybe you were just being polite Doing what you had to, bringing food on the table for the kids and me But I could no longer keep up with this masquerade, this bourgeoisie . . . So if you ever wonder why I ended it all with that rusty knife blade Because as a woman I felt betrayed, was only useful as your house maid I can hear you thinking: "why didn't you just kill yourself then?" That'd be the easy way out, I'd make the same mistake all over again Because with you, everything was simple but I never felt truly alive So I decided it was my time to shine like a dime and finally thrive I'm sorry for laughing at you laying in that puddle of darkred blood Should've thought of that before you dragged my pride through the mud Trust me, anything is better than living with such a dictator to obey So now I hope you understand why I killed my own innocence that day . . . Address: Heaven's Gates |
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
checking this out........preeeetty good match here, both had strong verses.....good job
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Let's get some votes in here, sorry about your grandma btw man...
DQ |
thanks for the love drama,
uppin.................. |
^No prob...I think we'll have to start voting ourselves and beg people to honestly return the favor cause you can't get no votes in here otherwise...
DQ |
Voted For: Parallel
na easy battle to call DQ: Locked up inside this jail where I get a sporadic glimpse of life But it's not all sorrow, it's the only place I haven't had no strife I do not feel anger nor pain, I only experience emptiness within Abandoned by everyone and yet I keep believing in remission of sin For I did not choose to do what I did, I wasn't the one in control You were right calling me a drama queen, played my theatrical role So now I'm writing you this letter to confide what I always denied I'll let you in on my dirty secret about the day my innocence died . . . Remember everything like it was yesterday, a cold November morning When I found that revealing picture in the mail without any warning Refused to believe what my eyes perceived and ripped it into pieces I never assumed you'd fool around with girls same age as your nieces So I put it all away, kept on convincing myself that it wasn't true Oh there have been times I wanted to ask you but didn't know how to Guess I was indeed a coward, that's what you always called me right? Maybe my whole existance was a lie, maybe you were just being polite Doing what you had to, bringing food on the table for the kids and me But I could no longer keep up with this masquerade, this bourgeoisie . . . So if you ever wonder why I ended it all with that rusty knife blade Because as a woman I felt betrayed, was only useful as your house maid I can hear you thinking: "why didn't you just kill yourself then?" That'd be the easy way out, I'd make the same mistake all over again Because with you, everything was simple but I never felt truly alive So I decided it was my time to shine like a dime and finally thrive I'm sorry for laughing at you laying in that puddle of darkred blood Should've thought of that before you dragged my pride through the mud Trust me, anything is better than living with such a dictator to obey So now I hope you understand why I killed my own innocence that day ^^aite verse..i aint really understand how this verse realted to death in the first stanza..but i caught on..flow was good..vocab was up there..good shit.. Parellel: 3 years ago grandma started getting lots of Pain I almost thought it was my fault so I was Ashamed She started going to the hospital daily since Then Grandpa helped out, grandma couldn’t hold a Pen I should of to visited more, I guess I chose Wrong Such a crazy phenomenon but grandma was Strong.. Grandma was smart, always loved to help out a Lot She fought for others, intelligence was what she Brought Everyday she had to go through that suffering & Pain Grandpa must a been insane to not think it was a Game She lasted so long, I thought she was more then Mortal She was immortal, like she came from an alien Portal.. 3 Months ago she was back in another hospital Bed I visited once, tried not to say something I would Dread I didn’t understand what the problem was at the Time So I went on with my friends, had fun at most the Time I tried not to think about her but I just really could Not She surprised me in how much she fought for her Life I knew that Christ had to have been in helping Out But I also knew that her time to parish was at Bout.. 4 days after I saw her, she was gone forever & Ever All of the family was sad, asking why grandma is Sever Apart from me I felt different cause I never Visited I should have committed myself, helped out & Visited Now I powder if I would have if she’d still be Alive She had the thrive to stay up but she didn’t Survive... ^^eh..good verse..pretty good choice of words..same problem as DQ though..didnt really know how it related to the topics in the first stanza..great flow vote- parellel..his verse was more complex and flowed better Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Drama Queen
DQ: good verse, your imagery was probably your best aspect, but the emotion wasnt far behind that. Decent use of vocabulary. At some points it was inconsistent and no need for a certain word, but in other places like the last two lines of your second part were really good. You stayed pretty consistent on the topic, a couple spots you fell off, but not many ppeople can stay on the topic the whole way through. I like the build up the intense part of your verse also overall: 8.2/10 Parallel: Well i felt that you could have done alot better with this piece, Especially compared to other pieces i have seen from you. You came at this topic with more of a simple angle. Not trying to delve too much into vocabulary or imagery. he most outstanding part of your verse would be the emotion. You kept that on a steady pace the whole way through so i appluade you for that much. Could have done better in a couple areas but not too bad of a verse overall: 6.8/10 Vote: Drama Queen Please return the favor with an honest vote on this battle.. no one really votes anymore so it will be greatly appreciated http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=182367 |
i dont liek your vote flow, not at all:@......o well uppin
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im sorry if i dont vote simple.. i dont keep a topical battle simplistic and thats what you did, and i have never had beef with you so its not a hate vote its an honest one. If you have any other open battles that need votes i would gladly vote honestly on that one also
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Voted For: Parallel
Drama Queen you had a great verse i was feelign your poem, nice vocabulary some good stucutre but your lines a little streched if ya knwo what i mean, i saw lots of bad syllable counting there which also through the flow off, but the imagery was pretty good some words in there that i wouldnt have needed but its pretty good voeral some nice emotion i was feeling it... Parallel you came pretty good one of your best ive seen in awhile yo, very good imagery, some nice emotion at most points the stucutre was perfect nigka and your syllable coutn was very godo which gave soem nice flow to your poem nigka, keep doin ya thing ya doin good mane. vote-parallel |
Voted For: Drama Queen
Parallel- your verse was pretty basic, your rhymes were very basic, the story was sad...your vocab wasn't very good, a lot of words were used repetitively...also, you rhymed visited with visited...the story was deep, but ur verse wasn't, it just scratched the surface of what it could have been...you gotta put more detail into it...but RIP to ur grandma, keep doin it Drama Queen- urs flowed REAL nice...your vocab was really good...i like how u didn't just stick to the literal meaning of death...u talked about the death of your innocence...every line was strong...honestly, that verse was beautiful...really good job...probably the best material i have seen on this site...good job |
Voted For: Parallel
ima vote fo Parallel. Parallel, ur verse wuz just mo emotional i think. talkin bout yo grandmutha. but sum times u rhymed a werd wif itself or tha werds i rhymed didnt rhyme. Drama Queen, ur verse wuz good, but tha only reason im votin fo Parallel iz cuz he put mo emotion in hiz verse cuz hes talkin bout hiz grandmutha dieing. u both had good flow, u both had good structure. no hate Drama Queen, werd |
i didnt try to rhyme sometimes cuz its a poem, you dont need to rhyme..but anyway uppin...and hydro im getting to think your hatting on me voting in all my battles, im gonna fyckin merk you soon
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Yup yup, upping this shit for some more votes!!!
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
damn this was touching and deep....where to begin? well DQ...your drop was dope all around...structure on point..i red it like a story and picture every scene in my mind...you stayed on topic through out the battle and thats what its all about...flow was nice and the image i got from your peice was good....overall good job Parallel...yours was nice aswell but i kinda didnt understand some points in your drop....it flowed well together throughout the battle also...ya stayed on topic all the way...the images i got from your peice was pretty dope...like i can see everything that you're expressing....overall good job aswell ima give it to DQ for the fact i didnt understand some things in your drop parallel...no hate at all...we're hommies...this was close though...maybe parallel was slippin that day idk but DQ came dope...werd v/DQ |
Voted For: Parallel
damn this was close,i seriously say Parallel,his verse touched me seriously,nice structure both,but i choose him cuz drama queen's lines were stretch,not stretch but to long, |
fuck sorry,like i was saying
Parrallel flowed better too,i tryed it on a beat lol,drama had some deep lines and pretty dope,but parralel's line were more deep i got to say,very very close battle,but still,i vote parralel Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Parallel
Hmm.. this is a pretty good battle.. DQ: your verse was pretty good.. well actually honesty.. it was okay.. you had the good vocab.. but not really the imagery as you usually would have.. I could really imagine what you were saying or feel any emotion.. and the ending was what most people woulda used.. so u weren't as creative as ur usual self.. parallel.. haha... didn't know i was talking to u?? maybe we'll battle someday agen... but yeah.. your verse was pretty good... it's better then most.. but yeah.. i could really imagine your verse alot.. and the emotion was really on point.. though the vocab wasn't good.. it wasn't really needed.. really no need for ne help on this one.. vote: Par |
How come this is open again? I didn't say anything about it but anyway...upping I guess *confused*
DQ |
i didnt say anything either...some guys on my ass probably n i think i know who it is....High Dro kid votes on all my abttle im gonna blacklist him now..uppin
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Uppity up up again! Come on peepz, let's get this closed before I go on holiday :thumbup:
DQ |
This was feedback posted for Parallel
Poll,s Nicely Done Both Of Yo uWeerd............................................ .
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Voted For: Drama Queen
aight this was a good topic... Para- aight man... first of all ya lines were much to short.. lengthen those out dawg fa real... ya rhymes werent complex at all so u really need to up the vocab to a new level... i can see that you tried on this.. it wasnt the best but it wasnt bad... i think it was true life? either way imma say this wasnt ya best... i think you need to up on complexity and vocab and maybe think it out a little more... 5.5/10 DQ- aight i was blown away by this verse... this was godly.. so full of emotion it was almost like a movie was playing as i read it... the rhymes were great and the vocab was 100% dopeness... this was by far one of the best topical peices i have ever read on RV... you used immagry so well in this... you really know your topic... this was outstanding... blew me away...10/10 no lie... fuck those who say otherwise Now Para i think youve got mad potential when it comes to topicals... but u need to up the complexity and vocab a lil bit and lengthen ya bars out more too... DQ dont change a thing... that should be nominated for an RV award for topical of the the month and i think imma nominate it right now... was pure 300% dopeness................. no hate but this is how i see this battle..... Vote- DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
parallel-your verse was okay was not great kid, although you had some good imagery, it did not help out this verse, i thought this was one sided DQ had this one, your vocabulary was not good at all man, your structure was the only good part of your verse, and structure does not count for much these days, you need to add more emotion into your verse kid, in order to win battles like this personally i think you should elevate man DQ-girl you had some good imagery, you also had some good vocabulary which i enjoyed reading in this verse, you structure was just as well as you opponent, you had good emotion in this here verse, i really enjoyed it, i think your one of the best, you had a more complex verse which enabled you to win this battle, it should be a KO but i don't know /v DramaQueen................ |
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