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Diary of a deathrow inmate
Diary of a deathrow inmate
 The first sign of gloom Dear diary... Walls of white surround my exsitence,echos of hate fill my new life
while many seem resentfull I notice some enjoy this with spite everyone looks grim like they all caught a contagious flue of death lungs feel collapsed, afraid to take the devils breath visual's seem bleak,alot of manufactured feelings are felt I feel like a 45 year old man but abortion's been delt tormenting chants fill the air while an ery silence fills my mind tryna visualize my future yet regret whats been left behind a small glimps thru a window allows the sight of smoldering rain I strongly carry myself on my back to shoulder the pain with the shakiest steps I move thru the halls arradiatted voice Malfunctioning words,separating thoughts,my mind has eliminated choice 4 by 4
Dear diary
I've Slowly energised hate for solitary confinement
I wanted to learn alot before I die,Im excepting deaths my only assignment expeditions are mearly lethargic walks in a square circle Accurant accounts of the terror screams can be heard virtual re-cooperating isnt possible,with bible strong in hand I wait for my escape It will soon be time to strip my body of sin like death is my rape the light is dull I try create some brightness with excessive alliteration echos of silence are amplified by agressive reverberation Deaths walk
Dear Diary
Exuasting thoughts race faster than exstatic lightning
Im some what calm,I predicted it to be more frightning with hands cuffed behind my back I walk my final emotion split mind,shit reminds me like de-ja-vu devosion My throat feels harsh like my osophegus is locust infested Mind astray,I cant find the day that I originally got arrested Passing other cells,smiles start to dwell,everyone thinks im going to hell face pale like the thraox has summond me to eternal damnation Unsure if this is a positive day,filth gone?, like reversed contamination I observe a man is placing my destiny in the middle of deaths circumference Destiny
Dear Diary
Deaths is certain,my breath is hurtin the second they raise murders curtain
As they start reading my biblical scripture, I take a quick glance around If this was a ball room I guess the next dance is hell Contemplating why have I seen this before,maybe in my dreams? Im not saying a word,yet the noise I hear are my screams Un-doublty I have served this punishment in previous time A hear a gaurd say "it wont be painfull" , Im not beliving his lie laying back,im praying that power surges strengthen me to break these chains "Is it possible to pretend to die? I doubt I can fake these pains The lever is like an evil snake it raps electricity round a remorsefull soul The conducter is heartless,he doesnt mind that murder's his goal with one last body shake,a ghostly break isnt mostly fake Deaths number has struck seven time more than the wattage of electricity As I sit back and relise what ive just written and witnessed explicitly Im in shock not only from the 100watts of power but from my personnal conclusion Im mearly a ghost writting a diary about my own deathrow excacution @ aka Ysdat......... |
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upping you lazy fucks |
good shit..............
tight vocab!!!! 9/10 good flow 8/10 creativity got it done 10/10 hell yeah!!!! I like yo shit...... RTF plz... |
Word i read this like 3 times already lol... But no doubt its still dope
keep it up |
thanks for the feed.
up^ |
Nice imaginary fam, made me i was the character in this whole piece. Nice emotion i felt the what the character was feeling. Nice vocab and wording your shit good. Nice flow. I aint going to rate cause that's herbish.......Feed is a feed.
Leave a feedback in my newest OM link in sig. 1 |
^.............................^ uppin |
shit this was dope um stucture has improved of you um complexity is very good here you use tons of vocabulary which made it seem interesting and the imagery is very very good keep it up man i see you have improved since ive been gone from rv but anyway good piece i rate it a B+
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nice. if you were or weren't in prison and was waiting death this piece made it still believable.... very nice words and i liked reading the last entry cuz it was actually the best. but the beggining was also good beause you built up some well I don't know the word but it made me wanna read more. Nice shit and RTF however you can. and you better.
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^.........................^ upping |
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yeh this is dope piece man..liked the title, the pic set the picture in my head already lol...
vocab is real good, flow is coo, nice lyrics also, really feels like someone behind the bars and has a complexity in it |
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this was a real deep piece, your vocab usage was on point and although at first glance i thought your structure was off....as i began to read i caught on to the flow. i loved the imagery you used and the powerful lines
a small glimps thru a window allows the sight of smoldering rain I strongly carry myself on my back to shoulder the pain Un-doublty I have served this punishment in previous time A hear a gaurd say "it wont be painfull" , Im not beliving his lie laying back,im praying that power surges strengthen me to break these chains "Is it possible to pretend to die? I doubt I can fake these pains ^^^just a few lines that i felt stood out.....nice job fam 9/10 |
Your vocabulary is used in a good way. Its not too advanced that it sacrifices flow, and the imagery is v. potent in this piece. A different approach to this topic is always hard, yet Ive read this topic on numerous occasions but this is one of the best I have read. Keep it up & return feed in my sig.
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upping All feed will be returned shortly. |
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word, this was definately different.....you seem to really have a handle on your vocab, which definately highlights this drop...it was used very effectively and really brought out strong emotion....imagery was great in the last paragraph.....but i do feel that at times, you really force the vocab, and takes alot away from the overall flow and enjoyment level to read.......none-the-less though, a very sophisticated drop and you really seem to have alot of talent, great knowledge too of language, cause you used some awesome descriptive words, definately keep up, this was a good piece, i'll probly read it again later.........nice story too, good original idea :thumbup:
check out me and OSB's new piece, when you get the chance, if ya could be so kind, thanks |
I Really Liked This...
Very Original/Creative Piece, I've Never Seen It Done... Haha Even Had A Picture At The Top That Was A Nice Touch... You Had All The Content, Imagery, Emotion, Ect... Very Strong Piece Overall... My Only Complaint Is The Flow... Your Lines Seemed Really Long To Me... I Think Its Because You Didnt Use Internal Rhyming... So I Kinda Got Bored At Times Wich Sucked Cuz It Destracted Me From A Quality Piece... I Understand You Were Prolly Working More On Content Than Flow... But Maybe Next Just Throw Alittle More Into The Rhyming... And You Will Easily Be One Of The Best Writers Around Here... Stay Up Kid... .One. |
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thanks for the feed. I only post written scriptures ont he net,cause all my music is for recording. All feed will be returned shortly. up^ |
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wow that is the best feed a man could get. *sits there staring at this feed for another hour* |
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ahhh, back when i used to at least make a half blind attempt at open mics :)
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hey braw let me be the first to tel you the electric chair does hurt i mean just look at albert einstiens hair looks like he been through that enough but this shit was dope you have hella potential shit you should get back to me on aim or something and help me wit my structure and shit good piece though 20/10 above and beyond hommie hey take a look at my piece my lerics are twisted physically gets you lifted i can use some help on that 1 love bra
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