gats on da bus
 

on da 19...same as usual/
seeing the gheto views sum wat beautiful/
lookin out da window listenin to dead rong/
wat happened next culd be seen as dead rong/
cop pulled up beside da bus woop woop/
da sirens on the vehicle went woop woop/
kid runs out gets snagged by the po-po/
y this happened to this kid..i dont know/
"ladies and gentleman that kid had a gun/
he dropped it sumwhere now we gotta check everyone/
sadi da cop/
no 1 nu had a clu we culd have been popped got shot/
by a kid in a white sox cap wit his name on tha back/
skin was black/
i bet da cop nu dat/
cuz they showed how racust/
...they could be cuz 6 squad cars 2 paddy wagons wer around us/
i wouldnt have thought this could have happened on da bus this early/
on word b/ ya herd me/
all doze vehicles for just 1 kid bout 16/
didnt seem shady nor did he look mean/
no 1 woulda nu he was pakin heat if his mom didnt call da cops on him /
den followed him/ askin dis kid mad questions/
his intentions/
searched da hole bus and didnt find shit/
his moms was fooled he had already dropped it/
track changes to styles soul clap/
lady yellin wtf ima be late 4 work what's this crap/
"maam relax" as they checked my bag/
if dat kid was really strapped i coulda been body bagged/
....and as i got of the bus and got a betta look at this fool/
i noticed that me and him used to go to tha same school...

true story..happend today on da bus.....

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=192810

Yo Homie, U Made Da Same Mistake I Did!
Structuring Yo Rhymez & Seperating Them Wid /// <<

U Gott Do 1 Line
Then Press Enter
Like I Am
Right Now
Do U Feel?



on da 19...same as usual/
seeing the gheto views sum wat beautiful/

Lyke Dat Dawg, Good Lookin Tho Bro, Keep Yo Game Up & Keep Elevating, If U Need Anythin Scream@Ya'Boy...Pz Out, Deucez!

gud looks...khaoz

yo KHAOZ How Do You Put Links In Ya Sig N With The Name N everything Withought The DIGITZ n Shyt Like that!Just the Name??Reply N tell me How!
lol N Yo Mayne Nice Piece Was Feelin It Got into It N shyt N Remindz me when I Went to School!but work on da structure N da Wordplay N you Will be All good!holla!

teh flow was kind of off and i didn't like the story.
kind of boring when you just tell a story, you should
show every aspect, not just whats happening
then work on it from there, vocab..line content
metas' shit like that.
keep up.

The structure was quite bad, but the story was good, you got a good flow, I like you, KUTGW, RTF on my OM "Faggot Ass bItches"

need more feed back

i liked it kidd.. did that really happen or u jus usin imaginary shit.. but anyways i liked the story and some of the rhymes, flow was choppy but if it was audio it could be pulled off

yea it happened

nicE story, StaND UP boston

offer criticism with softer rhythm// tower at my resident with the power of a president// veto polices if I see no qualities// my cousin is puzzling keep guzzling wines drunk all the time that junk not divine// watching Cox's cable thinking about marching him down to a detox stable//

old....but uppin

iight u told the story well.....as everyone else said work on ya structure....unless thats how u want it to be rread.....even though thats a bad way to read it....up on ur vocab...ur multis ur wordplay rhyme scheme and such.....try and make ur lines end at the same point still 6.5/10....keep postin and elevatin....1

wearing hats a must cats got gatts on this bus so driver pull over please some fool shot a glock just to show he rule the block don't understand that how nobody believes in hand-to-hand combat anymore

^^lol gets funnier and funnier everytime

..........................uppin

that was tight man i could it was deep.. i like the setup other than the / thing but it was deep

9/10

get at me on my battle pei vs big o round 2

edited.........

thanks 4 da props pei.......................ya... ill go check out dat battle in a minute......

stop upping this.. its from 4 months ago..... write some new shit dude

i havent been uppin this.... pei just left feed outta no where...... the last time i did was a month ago... wen i was puttin it in ma sig... so i thought i c if anyone else had anything to say about it.......

pretty good flow structure needs work and i liked the story